The Japanese are an advanced culture. They rule the world in mathematics and science. They make great automobiles. They have an uncompromising work ethic, they are tidy and clean. (I’m guessing this, of course.) Generalizations aside, they are  an advanced society that takes cramped living spaces to new ingenuity. Okay, enough stereotyping and assumptions.

Dollar stores- this, my friends is where their world domination happens for real.

We have dollar stores, sure. Cheap ass shit. I mean, disposable crap that you can lure a child with one afternoon of annoying  joy while they play with that nosy cops and robbers set where the gun stops working and the handcuffs jam on their older sister.

Japanese dollar store shit is different. I swear.

Forget Honda, Sony, and Bullet trains-this is where the magic happens-

I give you…

Chair leg foot covers.

Do your chairs scratch your hardwoods? No worries, these nifty little covers that resemble leprechaun shower caps, work perfectly to protect your floors from the bottom of the chairs that your little kids like to bang across the room and piss the hell out of you. Now, you don’t need to worry. Let them drag those chairs until the cows come home. You’ll be pleased to see your floor isn’t scratched.

Notice in the background another model. Those were last year’s. They had shamrocks on them. Oh the irony.

Chip tongs.

What’s worse than eating a bag of cheetos (oops, did I say bag?) or barbecue Lay’s potato chips and getting orange dust all over your fingers, or greasy barbecue seasoning? Well, look no more, I’ve found  Chip Tongs- these handy over sized tweezers work perfectly to eat your chips one by one as a civilized human should.

Trainer chop sticks you say? Better.

Banana keepers.

I don’t know about you- but one thing I hate is a bruised banana. Well, here’s the solution. Your bananas will be coddled and cared for and ready to eat when you are. Don’t worry about the size taking over your fruit bowl, one can never have too many banana keepers. Perfect for lunch boxes.

And yes, I probably should be in this picture instead of my underage child holding a giant phallic banana keeper. I’m not kidding. It really is a banana keeper. It was printed on the outside.

Here is the Piece de Resistance- the coup de gras, the cream of the crop, the shizzle….. wait for it…. trumpet sounds…

Disposable underpants.

This has revolutionized my approach to laundry. These only come in ladies and mens, but I figured the kids will just have to deal. I’m getting enough for a month’s worth of fresh underwear for each member of the household. My laundry will be decreased SIGNIFICANTLY. I’m thinking of buying bulk and I can sell them for 3 x the price. If anyone is interested in ordering from me- message me and let me know (I have no idea if that’s legal).

Just start sending me money now. I know there will be a run on these after I print this blog post.

I always stock up on things like cotton pads to remove makeup and cotton swabs. You get hundreds more than you get for your money at Target or Walgreens. Also they have the best containers for travel and organizing your bathroom. Some items are deluxe and marked specifically if they are $3.00 or $4.00. But everything from the chip tongs to the disposable underpants is $1.50. Not quite a dollar, but still- we call it the Japanese Dollar Store when we go.

The kids love to get the candy and gum they have. Oh, and they have all those cute little erasers in shapes like sushi and cupcakes that the kids love too.

I love reading the English translation from Japanese on the labels. Especially for the facial products. For example- a wash net I bought, (which retails at Barneys for $15 by the way!) to use with your facial cleanser and help it foam- says this on the package:

Declaration of Fluffy Foam

Use fingers making a circle on your face

Isn’t that the best?! I love it! You would never see those words on an American product.  It just makes it so quaint!

SO there you go. Our trip to the Japanese Dollar Store. Officially called DAISO in these parts. I’m telling you, from kitchen gadgets to hair accessories, they have it all. I wish you all a merry trip to the store one day so you too, can have chip tongs and chair leg covers like me.

Don’t be jealous.