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A mile in her shoes

What if I was so depressed, so profoundly sad, so completely out of my right mind, I took a gun to my head and ended my life? Would you judge me? Would you wonder why I didn’t get help? Wonder why didn’t I get some anti-depressants? Why didn’t anyone see the signs?

Now imagine knowing someone who is on anti-depressants. Or imagine knowing someone who checked themselves into a crisis center or psych ward. Someone who told their spouse they needed help. Would you judge them? Would you say they are weak for relying on drugs or therapy to help them get through their day? Would you say they shouldn’t have had children in the first place?

Harsh, huh?

All these things HAVE been said though. Not to me maybe. But maybe to you. Or your friend. Or maybe you have said those things once or twice.

Depression is like any other medical condition that needs help. It is not a bad mood to snap out of. It is not a blue time that’s easy to pass. It’s a serious disease. Like heart disease. Diabetes. Arthritis. Addiction.

If someone needs a medication for them to live with a disease then let them. Support them.

Would you tell the woman who’s ready to take her husband’s hand gun out of the safe, to just snap out of it? To just exercise more, take a few vitamins?

I didn’t think so.

I wish I didn’t know of 8 children that don’t have a parent because that parent took their own life. 2 moms and even a dad. You hardly hear about the men. But my cousin jumped off a building when his boys were just of preschool age. I didn’t know him very well to even begin to understand how someone could do that.

My childhood friend took her husband’s service revolver and shot herself in bed on Memorial day. Her family thought she was getting ready for work. They were at a relative’s for a barbecue. She had been unhappy. On pain medication. Withdrawn. Was there anything anybody could do? I don’t know. The what-ifs are a mile long. Does everyone now wish they could’ve done something? Yes. The pain is so raw, so great. Not just to those little girls that are left without a mother each of their birthdays and Christmases. But the mother of this woman, who still misses her little girl. Her sisters who miss weekends at the lake and summer days by the pool. Her husband that wants his wife there for his girls.

Then there’s my neighbor. 5 years ago she was home with her four little girls. She had been hospitalized for depression once before.  She had battled personal demons that we only knew about until after she was gone. She home-schooled her girls and always looked so cheerful. So happy. Her husband liked golf. He would leave her in the afternoons to go play and she would hang out with the kids. Get dinner ready. Set up for a dinner party with a few friends.  On the outside, I thought she was happy. We were wrong. Inside she was battling darkness. Darkness she hid from almost everyone. Especially her neighbors and friends who saw her every day. Why didn’t she say something?

One summer afternoon, right as she was getting ready for dinner; she put down the meat she was marinating, the salad greens she was putting in a bowl and she went upstairs to the master bathroom and shot herself. Her four little girls, ages 1 year to 8 years old, were home. No one heard anything. But when a neighbor discovered her after the eldest went next door to say she didn’t know where mommy was; the horror began for this cul-de-sac. You never, ever want to see a coroner’s van on your street.

Is this post about suicide or depression? Well, both I guess.

I’m trying to get people to understand that depressed folks do in fact, take their own lives. And I don’t understand how anyone can judge someone who needs help.

My own depression started after Emma was born. She was 3 months old and I could feel myself slipping into what I guessed was post-partum depression. James was helpful. My mom was helpful. I got myself through it. But a year and a half after that a friend passed away from breast cancer. I couldn’t snap out of my grief. I was melancholy, crying and having a hard time just getting through the day.

My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant. A very low dose of Prozac. It was just enough to help me. I admit, I’ve tried quitting cold turkey a couple of times. Thinking that I feel good enough not to take it and then go a couple weeks without. Boy is THAT a BAD IDEA. Even the low dose needs a doctor to help you wean off of it. But not only that, without it, the chemicals in my brain are such that, I would be sad, crying, bitter, helpless. I don’t need to be those things. I am not those things the chemicals, or lack of, make me.

I’m proud to take 20 mg of something that helps keep me in check for my kids’ sake. My husband’s sake and my mom’s. Thankfully, I’ve never contemplated suicide.

I know a friend that did though and she got help. She is the bravest person I know to have checked herself into the psych unit at a local hospital when she realized that harming herself would be okay. I’m so grateful she took that step. She got help and we supported her for it.

Please don’t tell someone all the things they should be doing differently, or that maybe they shouldn’t have had children in the first place if motherhood is such a burden. Is motherhood harder than expected? Yes. Would I trade it for anything? No. Do I need my sanity for it? You betcha!

Nobody’s life is perfect. Nobody can understand what it is like to live as anyone else. You haven’t walked a mile in their shoes, nor could you.

I’ve disclosed to several friends, happily even, that I got help, got some meds and feel so much better.

They too have told me that they got help themselves. That they weren’t sure they should take any pills. That they were embarrassed to tell their spouse about it or tell their doctor they need help. But that after talking to me, they took that next step to talk to their doctor. And they are glad they did.

Wake up people. If a man has no problem telling his doctor he needs erectile dysfunction drugs, then we shouldn’t make a woman feel bad that she needs drugs to keep her mental health in order.

The stigma related to anti-depressants is still out there. Maybe some of you reading this post are shaking your heads at me wondering why I would go such a route. Well, because it works for me. It helps me.

I don’t want to be that mom who contemplates what a gun would feel like. How long my car’s fumes would take. I will NOT be that person.

I will be here for my children. I will make sure that I am in control. That I can see things clearly.

If you need help. Please get some. If you can’t figure out what is making you feel sad and the sad doesn’t go away. Talk to your doctor. If your spouse will understand, tell them. It’s okay.

If you need to tell just me, I will listen too.

I want to thank Honest Mom for her candid and honest discussion you can read here, and The Bearded Iris for her bravery, and The Bloggess for inspiring me to write this post. For giving those with depression a voice and for keeping the conversation going. Thank you. Take care my friends. And be understanding to one another.

 

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Comments

  1. katy says:

    “I don’t want to be that mom who contemplates what a gun would feel like. How long my car’s fumes would take. I will NOT be that person.this is so near and dear to my heart.”

    Awareness. It shouldn’t be taboo to talk about this stuff. We need to support each other through all of this. Mental illness is no joke. You are brave, Frugie to write about it and to tell the tale of those who suffer and show support. xoxo

  2. Frugie, your depth and versatility never cease to amaze me. Thank you for sharing the other side of depression – the side that’s not from ourselves, but what happens to someone when no one takes their depression seriously. Or when they are too afraid to speak up because of the doubters, the “just-drink-a glass-of-wine-and-deal-with-it” advice givers. Your stories are so important, so vital, and they need to be shared. Bravo, my friend!

    • Frugie says:

      Thank you Kathy. Your kindness and support have always meant so much to me in my blogging world.

  3. Nikki says:

    Brave, beautiful and so important. Thank you for writing. Gave me chills. xo

  4. This is a great post. The comments I’ve seen on recent posts about depression and medications are shocking to me. Depression is a gray area that’s difficult to understand if you’ve never experienced it. After all, we’ve all been blue, right? We’ve all struggled with stress, heartache, or sadness due to some event in our lives. And snapping out of it, exercising, and positive thinking helped. But depression is the inability to snap out of it. It is not just stress or situational sadness that will get better with time and mindset. Many people don’t understand this, and that’s OK, so long as they don’t *think* they do and speak out like they do. I don’t know what it’s like to be a diabetic, or a heroin addict, or to suffer PTSD in the aftermath of a war. But I’m aware that I don’t know, and I certainly would never judge anyone for having those problems and seeking treatment. If society doesn’t see biological imbalances like diabetes as a sign of personal weakness, why biological imbalances like depression?

    • Frugie says:

      I know Allison. I just don’t get it. How people can be so judgmental and cruel to someone already hurting. Thanks for lending your words.

  5. AM~Erica says:

    This one got me. It got me hard! I’ve blogged at pretty much this exact thing. You even covered a couple of things I’ve contemplated in my head. This scared me. But that’s a good thing.

    I know I’m not alone. My heart breaks for anyone & everyone who has to feel these feels like I do. Anyone who has a loved one who has actually taken their own life due to this nasty illness.

    What works for me right now is talking & advocating. It doesn’t stop the feelings, but I can talk thru it…whether it’s to someone or thru my blog. I kind of talk it out. I’m not on med right now…but sometimes I’m sure I still should be.

    Thanks to you flagging us down with Honest Mom’s post, I’ve been looking forward to what you had to say. And you got me. You got me hard.

    Thank you. So Much.

  6. Beautifully said and thank you for being so brave and courageous to share this here with all of us!!

  7. Brave. Very, very brave. In the face of a stigma that sure as shit exists, and as a mom who risks judgement, I applaud you. Mental health needs to be a universal conversation now more than ever. I have a friend who is struggling with depression; I’m sending her your post and the others you’ve linked to. THANK YOU.

  8. JennDrenn says:

    Oh gawd. This was beautifully written and so freaking relatable….especially right now. Thank you for writing this Frugie. I always want to chalk my problems up to being so much smaller than every one else’s, but yet they are my problems and they are great to ME. Doesn’t matter that they are not so big to others. Love you! Love this.

    • Frugie says:

      Thank you Jenn! We all have a story and our burdens to bear, huh? Just need to support each other along the way. And bring pringles.

  9. Thank you for writing this, for doing something I know was hard for you. The more we talk about depression, the less stigmatized it will be. Hugs to you, Frugie!

    • Frugie says:

      Thank you for starting the conversation, for inspiring and encouraging me and being the voice for so many. All the best!

  10. Christopher Tipper says:

    Sis

    Okay. Looks like I’m the first guy to chime in here. Of course, despite my age I’m still a middle schooler at heart – so I chuckled about the boner pills. But it’s so true.

    I know there’s a difference between grief and depression, but there is still some overlap.

    I don’t remember meeting anyone who’d had a stillborn baby or an infant die before our first daughter died. But afterwards it was like we were now part of some club. We suddenly found out we did in fact know a whole bunch of people who’d had stillborn baby’s or who’d suffered through a new born’s death.

    This came to mind when your friends shared with you that they were also receiving medical help.

    The important thing is knowing you’re not alone and someone you know has probably gone through it already and can help.

    And I guess thanks for sharing in this forum. If I’d known about this before, it didn’t really hit home until now. And thanks for letting me share.

    Bro

  11. Well done. Well stated. Depression/Anxiety all of it can be so incredibly hard. I suffer from anxiety and it comes and goes. At one point, when it was particularily bad, I sent an email out to the neighbor ladies asking if anyone knew a good counselor to see so that I could get some assistance with my anxiety. Thankfully I received VERY NICE emails from everyone but was incredibly saddened by how many of these moms said “let me know what you hear from the others, I need help too but am too afraid to ask anyone for recommendations”.

    The feeling of shame was keeping these women in a place of suffering and afraid to ask for help.

    I was told I was “courageous” for asking for help but really I just wanted to stop feeling like shit all the time. I hate feeling like shit from anxiety and really could have cared less about what people thought but clearly that is NOT how many people feel. I hope people will read this and get help if they need it. I also hope that when they reach out (to a family member, friend or medical professional) that the person is kind and caring. I had one medical person treat me so poorly at my appointment that (while in the middle of a complete anxiety attack) she told me she “Will not be prescribing you medication if that is your goal today” and that I needed to “work things out” and was sent home with a note that said “take Benedryl and herbal tea”. No kidding.

    • Frugie says:

      Way to go Kim. So sad the taboo we are still dealing with regarding this subject. I just want to yell from the rooftops that it’s okay to help yourselves ladies!

  12. Kari says:

    Thank you for sharing. I have been reading all the post from the bloggers mentioned as well. It is amazing the unison of the message; yet we all have different experiences with it. It just goes to show how much this topic needs to be discussed. In some from or fashion, depression has touched everyone’s life. It’s time that we’re all comfortable talking about it. Again, thank you for sharing your experience with it. I’m sure there is something for everyone to take from it.

  13. Kristi Meyers says:

    You’re the best! : )

  14. Andrea says:

    I like your overall point of not judging. When my sisters shot herself (inevitable) my ex, who happens to have been a psychotherapist, went on a rant on the phone with me next day about how selfish that is/she is blah blah. No condolences, no questions as to why/curiosity, not even a teensy bit of therapistyness all up in his rant. Shocking. But not surprising from that ex. All I could think was wow, so that’s how you deal with depressed clients?? good post. Where’s the “LIKE” button? Not hosted by wordpress anymore?

    • Frugie says:

      Wow. I’m so sorry. Amazing how those in the field who should even be equipped to handle it, don’t know better.

      • Frugie says:

        OH, and yeah, independently hosted. But thanks for the comment, I appreciate it more than the ‘like’ click. ;)

  15. amber says:

    Bravo. It’s so true, and so hard to own up to. I can’t do without my antidepressants, but lord I wish I could. Some of us, our brains just don’t work like they should. I don’t understand why that’s so hard to understand, you know?

    Thank you for writing this.

  16. An amazing post in every way. Thank you for sharing this honesty.

  17. Toulouse says:

    Spoken with such honesty and bravery, Frugie. There are people in dark places who need to know they’re not alone and that they can be helped. You get major props for writing this and baring your soul. XOXOXO

  18. bec says:

    You rock, lady! As someone who takes 40mg of prozac a day and carries xanax in a locket around my neck in case of a panic attack, it makes me stronger to hear my friends open up and talk about similar struggles. It can be a lonely thing, mental illness, and it is scary to put it out there and be judged. But it is what it is, and the fact that we can get help and support to make us whole again is empowering. Good for you for talking about it. You are strong and funny and we should have wine more often! :)

  19. Stephanie says:

    What happens if you have cried out for help and no one listens???

    • Frugie says:

      I’m so sorry your cries are falling on deaf ears. Is there an online support group? A friend? I want you to get what you need. Someone HAS to listen.

  20. Serena says:

    This was very well written. Keep it up and thank you for sharing. This is such a big problem where I live and I am glad that people are starting to come together to combat the suicide part, but also push for people to get help. We all know that we will not save everyone, but if we help one person then it is worth it.

  21. Lori says:

    Oh friend, I too am a much better wife, mother, and over all individual with 20mg of help. I also have an AMAZING therapist who I see twice a month for hopefully ever. She helps me put the messes in my head into neat little piles, and helps me to realize things that I can’t see on my own. I have a friend who is on a downward spiral and refuses to admit it. It’s sad. I have tried talking to her about it and her reaction was not pretty. Hopefully, if I keep sharing stories like this on my FB feed she’ll finally read it and recognize herself in them.

  22. Along with so many before me, I want to offer my sincere thanks.
    As a child witnessing the isolation of depression through my mother and falling into its clutches as a young woman, only to have it follow me through years of darkness; I know the stigma all too well. Just as quickly as I would feel the warmth of daylight, the darkness would swallow me and I would hide in the shadows, avoiding the judgment of others- real or perceived.
    I’m on medication and I’ve experimented with sanity by going off them on occasion, to see if I’m “normal” yet. I’ve learned that my version of normal requires a pill in the morning and I’m so grateful to have that opportunity. Sometimes, as I take it I can hear my gramma saying “buck up gal, you’re tougher than that” but the water sloshes it down anyway and the guilt of not being able to just “buck up” dissipates.
    Thank you for bringing awareness. Not just to depression itself but to the consequences of not seeking help. Having a mom that takes a pill, or talks to a therapist, or is the psych ward, is better than having no mom at all.

  23. Thanks for a great post!!!! People often ask me how I handle all I do and I proudly say, Effexor! This is the medication I have been taking for 11 years. My depression started shortly after the birth of my daughter as well but the medication keeps my anxiety at bay and allows me to do all the things I want and need to. I had done other things before medication and they all helped, but not to the degree that the meds do. Thank you for shedding a light on an issue that shouldn’t spend one more minute being hidden. You are so right, no child should have to grow up without a parent because that person felt too ashamed to get the help they need for a medical condition. Much love to you!!

    • Frugie says:

      I’m so glad Kathy! We talk about bullying and other things, why not talk about supporting women and their mental health? Take care!

  24. Kelley says:

    These stories are heartbreaking. The leaving the food and salad there to go do that… I mean, it just hit her that she wants to do that. Well, she had probably been thinking about it, of course, but…right then…she wanted out. Breaks my heart. Thanks for your beautiful words and for sharing your story.

  25. margot says:

    “I’m proud to take 20 mg of something that helps keep me in check for my kids’ sake. My husband’s sake and my mom’s.” This has to be my favorite line of this post. I am so very happy that you have found what you need to do to take care good care. I don’t think it is any different from the person who is proud to exercise every day to keep their diabetes in check, or the woman who is proud of her chemo baldness because it symbolizes that she is doing what is necessary to heal her.

    I don’t have personal experience with depression, although I probably know someone who does, even if I don’t know about it. Thank you – and many of your commenters – for helping to educate me!

    Go girl! (Ok, that sounded realllllly cheesy but I can’t think of anything else :-))

  26. Tracy says:

    thank you. :)

  27. Jessica says:

    Goosebumps. Such an important, honest post. Thank you.

  28. Running Mama says:

    Great Post! Found you on hop.

  29. OneTiredMama says:

    Loved it! Thanks for sharing!

  30. Ahhh Frugie. You touched on a very personal subject for me. I lost my husband of 19 years and the father of our three children to suicide in 2009. Each of us struggle in our own ways to continue to move forward. Depression is a very real and serious thing. Thank you for speaking out and sharing your own story and those that have touched your heart. <3

    • Frugie says:

      OH Plucky- I’m so sorry. That breaks my heart. My cousin who took his life left two little boys with Muscular Dystrophy. They are teenagers now and their mom is amazing. I’m sure she wishes life had taken a different course. Whatever I can do to keep the dialogue going. Thank you for sharing.

  31. Dani Ryan says:

    This is such a powerful post. Thanks so much for sharing it.

    Almost 10 years ago now, my best friend from university called to tell me her Dad had committed suicide. He’d had a health scare and, less than 24 hours before he was due to go and get the necessary tests done to find out what exactly was wrong, he hung himself. I’ll never forget that phone call. It shook me to my core. What I admired about how they handled it is that, as a family, they decided that he had made a decision. There was a risk he had cancer, and he didn’t want to fight it, and they chose to accept that, honor him, and move on. How they did that is beyond me, but I think it made it less horrible to think of it that way. It has still been incredibly sad though.

    All of the stories that have been floating around about depression have been such an eye opener to me. I knew it existed, but I didn’t know it was as prevalent as it is. Let’s hope more people are as brave as all of the women, including yourself, who have chosen to come forward so that we can raise awareness and take the stigma away, ensuring everyone gets the help they need.

    xo

  32. Kelly DeBie says:

    You are so brave, thank you for sharing. The more of us that do, the less alone we will all feel. xoxo

  33. Thank you so much for your honest post. This is so close to me as I suffer from depression and I feel that the more of us that talk about it the more chance we have to change the stigma against all mental illness. Feel free to stop by my page anytime and I am so honored to have read your post and become a new reader of yours. <3

  34. Powerful post. I commend you for keeping the conversation going. So much pain. so much turmoil for so many people –bless them.

    “For giving those with depression a voice…..” Breaking the silence –it took me years; one of my lowest points, I laid in the fetal position on the cold bathroom floor paralyzed from depression, while my daughter cried from her crib, yet I was too ashamed, too whatever to ask for help. I should all over myself… I should be able to pull myself out of this ‘mood’ I’m in. It took me another 2 years before I finally asked for helped. I am incredibly grateful that I reached out and got help. I was one of those ANTI medication people –thank GOODNESS I took advice from a Doctor. I now take zoloft. I AM NOT ashamed to admit it either.

    Thank you very much for sharing so openly…

  35. Annette says:

    Thanks for writing this … It hits home with some stuff going on with people I know right now!

  36. Michelle says:

    Thank you for this….it is a topic that is all too close to me. I first began experiencing depression during a battle with infertility and a subsequent miscarriage. Sadly, it was viewed as being a “normal response” to what I had been going on in my life. Following a decision to adopt, life felt better…..fresh, exciting, anticipatory…..then the “baby” (11 month old) came along and I quit my job to stay home full-time. Life was good…..for about a week…..and then “reality set in”. I had a colicky baby that didn’t sleep, didn’t want to be held, and cried all the time. Attachment was hard and the beautiful vision of parenthood I had created began to feel like a delusion…..Additionally, after leaving the workforce, I felt alone as my friends were at work while I was a home. I felt lonely and along. It was at that point, I finally sought help for what I knew was really clinical depression and not just “sadness”. That was almost 12 years ago and I’m still on my Paxil….I tried going off once with no so great results. My doctor, my husband and I are all in agreement that medication is just going to be part of my nighttime ritual. It keeps me more stable (except that menopause is starting to hit which is another story in and of itself!) and happy which helps me to be a better wife and mother. I still am very cautious with whom I share this information as most just don’t understand. I’m glad that there is more dialogue occurring and hope that in my lifetime there will be no stigma attached to depression. Thanks again for this post!

    • Frugie says:

      You do what you need to do. So glad you found your path. That’s all that matters.

  37. Chris says:

    I’ve been there, and am still fighting daily. My father chose to end his life many years ago, and there are days when I can see how he sank so low in order to make this final, tragic step. Sleeping a lot, tired, down a graduate degree, and a nowhere job. No support from husband, but have two great sons whom I wouldn’t want to feel the hurt that I felt as a young child…..and still do.Trying this counseling thing, as well as medication…again. I can beat this I HAVE to beat this.

    • Frugie says:

      Every day there’s a reason to live, and your sons are two huge reasons. You are beating this and yes, you HAVE to beat it. Thanks for sharing with me.

  38. Amy says:

    I am new to your blog, but you can bet I’ll be following you from this second on. Depression didn’t hit me till my brother died in 2007. I have just started sharing the hell I went through after he died. I’m healing from his death, but the grief will never be gone and either will the depression. I know this now. I wish I had reached out to someone back when it all came hurling down on me, but I can’t change that. All I can do is share my story, my battle, with people and hope they see they are not alone.
    Thank you for sharing your story and for being an inspiration.
    God Bless you!

    • Frugie says:

      Thanks for finding my blog. I’m sorry about your brother. I’m so glad you are winning the fight, and sharing about it. Peace be with you.

  39. L says:

    Thank you SO MUCH for writing and sharing this. It is truth. Plain & simple. The scary truth. There is help. There’s a stigma to accepting that help and there shouldn’t be. We all deserve to live without constant overwhelming fear or depression or anxiety. Anyone who thinks you can “snap out it” has NO. IDEA. You can’t “snap out” of diabetes. You can’t “snap out” of lupus. You can’t “snap out” of cancer. But when you have an illness that is difficult to find by labwork or xrays, etc., your depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, or whatever else you may be suffering from, suddenly becomes “psychosomatic”. It’s untrue & it’s sad. Thank you for having the courage to give it straight.

    • Frugie says:

      Things that aren’t quantifiable by medicine are so tough, everything you mention, people have a hard time grasping if they’ve never dealt with it themselves.
      Thanks for reading and commenting.

  40. Ninja Mom says:

    Sweetheart, I love you. Really, really.

  41. Beth says:

    It is sad that so many women are afraid to discuss mental health after having a child. Or while pregnant. I know my depression skyrocketed while I was pregnant. Often the only thing that kept me going when i was pregnant was that I had a lil one I had to take care of. The same still applies, I cannot commit suicide because I don’t trust anyone else to raise my child, so I have to be strong and get help and work on getting better.

    It breaks my heart when a mom takes her own life. It’s not a selfish act she performs, it is a desperate act. I have towed the line myself, and I really wish that we had better post partem care in America. They ship us home without any warning, any aid, and a brand new life to take care of.

  42. Thank you for sharing your story, and for taking care of yourself, no matter what. xo

  43. Thank you for this. I have ADHD. With it comes anxiety, depression and a little OCD. I was a Ritalin kid. I went off it in my teens because classmates called me a druggie. I battled bouts of depression and anxiety and was medicated solely for those symptoms several times. Fast forward to adulthood. I ending up going back on Ritalin because I couldn’t focus and was very snappy and unhappy. I know that it works for me. And cleared up the depression and anxiety because I was treating the root. But then I was bombarded by people telling me how bad it was for me to take it. How I just need to change my diet and vitamins. I know this works for some people. But I had a solution at hand. I didn’t need to mess around, figuring out what I had to eliminate from my diet (and consequently my husbands). So I was and still get frowned upon. I got pregnant and both my family doctor and my ob-gyn told me that studies hadn’t been conclusive enough to say Ritalin caused side effects and they believed that going off of it would be far more detrimental to both baby and I. So then came the accusations that I was harming my baby and only thinking of myself. Guess what? I have a happy, healthy, incredibly intelligent son. I am tired of the stigmas. I am tired of people trying to tell me my choices are bad. I am tired of others trying to tell me how I should live my life. Thank you for writing this. Maybe it will make someone out there stop and think before they say “Suck it up. It is not so bad. Why don’t you do this…” and instead say “How can I help? What do YOU need?”

    • Frugie says:

      I hate it when people seem to have all the answers for you when they aren’t living your life. I’m so happy you look after YOU. Keep doing that. Thanks for visiting.

  44. Tammy says:

    I think the fact that some of the things you do for depression, like exercise, meditation, and stress reduction, make people think that it’s just a matter of weak character on your part if you can’t just “get over it.” It’s hard to make someone who’s only experienced “sadness” understand how it feels to not be able to function. I almost wish there were another word or description for it because implying you’re just really sad doesn’t do it justice.

    Good job spreading the word.

  45. Gin says:

    R,
    as always you discuss/ share/ write with eloquence and compassion. You’re blog is helpful to so many, and I am proud of you! xo

  46. Amy says:

    I read this post about an hour before I heard about a grandmother who picked her grandsons up from daycare yesterday and killed them before killing herself. Like the horrifying situations you highlighted in your post, this one is so sad, so unthinkable, and seemingly avoidable. I am so impressed by you and the other women who are sharing their stories. These conversations are what will hopefully change society’s perceptions, making a better world for our children.

    • Frugie says:

      I know! The magnitude of someone’s actions have such huge ripple effects. And also, Mindy McCready was laid to rest. How sad. Thanks for supporting the conversations.

  47. Darla says:

    Thank you for your open and honest post. We need more writers like you to voice their experiences and help erase the stigma of mental illness.

  48. Phyllis Flynn says:

    This is very touching to me. I understand what it is like to lose a friend to suicide. Very few people knew of his inner battle. All the “what if’s” come out after someone is gone. I think it is time to start asking our self what if we don’t do anything. What if we just blow off someones sadness for a bad day and they later take their life? What if we do not start helping others who are afraid to reach out? Depression is a major issue for alot of people and it is time for everyone to step up and let it be known that it is a disease, an illness that needs to be taken care of and respected just as any other illnesses. Thank you for helping give depression a voice.

  49. J says:

    Frugie — Thanks for posting this. I suffered from severe post partum depression (not psychosis and no suicidal thoughts) after my second. I was in constant contact with my healthcare provider about the depression. Unfortunately, my healthcare provider recommended meditation and relaxation techniques, and not medication. I lost almost an entire year of my childrens’ lives because of it. I was an absent mother. I nursed my baby dilligently, and I made sure their basic needs were met, but I didn’t enjoy that year at all. In retrospect, I could have had enjoyment and a real life if I had taken anti-depressants. Now that I know what it felt like to be like that, I know that if I EVER get that way again, I would NEVER HESITATE to request anti depressants. I went “public” in my job after-the-fact about the post partum depression because too many in my profession are afraid to seek treatment. Yet seeking treatment is exactly what anyone with depression should never hesitate to do. There is so much more to life than just having the goal of getting dressed at some point during the day. There is life to be lived. With appropriate treatment, those suffering from treatment can have a life, and have joy in that life. Thank you again for posting.

  50. Kat says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I have suffered through depression and more than once contemplated suicide… and this was long before I lost a child. Thankfully, my doctor put me on Zoloft when my baby died, and it has helped me in ways I cannot even begin to explain. How different my life might be if I had thought it was ok to ask for help a decade ago?? At least I am still here to ask that question. xoxo

  51. Roshni says:

    It’s the fear of these judgy people that stop people from asking for help. Yet again, society poking its nose into other people’s problems but not doing or helping them with it!
    Thank you for a wonderful post!

  52. Christine says:

    I just came across this post today. I do take meds for my depression, but I have no one to talk to, I’m alone a lot and think about just going to sleep and never waking up. I am a danger to myself and don’t know how to tell anyone how bad things are.

    • Frugie says:

      Is there a support group online you can find? I’m not qualified to help, but I want you to know that you need to know that you are worthy and worth being here on this earth!

    • Michelle says:

      Christine,

      Please seek help from your doctor as soon as possible. It sounds like the medication you are on is either not the correct medication or it is the wrong dosage. It often takes a while to get the right dose/med for depression. If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself or do something so that you don’t wake up, PLEASE either go to the nearest ER or call 911 for assistance. Now is the time to find someone to talk to….you are the only one who can share how bad things are….and there are many qualified people (social workers, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists) who can help. It won’t happen over night, but once you take the first step in asking for help, you will begin a new phase of your life. Getting better is a process….medication may help the pain, but it will not make the problems disappear. Please remember that your life is worth living….the past is behind you and you can start a new chapter today. Please take care of yourself….

      • Frugie says:

        I agree with the above- Michelle- get help Christine- let us know how you are doing!

  53. I cannot thank you enough for the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome

  54. Kylie says:

    Thank you so much for this post. It’s exactly what I needed right now.
    I’ve been struggling with post partum depression for almost three years now since having twins. We moved a few hours away to be closer to my family which ended up making me worse when I realised a lot of my problems come from my parents and the way they treated me growing up. They never got help for me or acknowledged I had depression in high school, which has made me very secretive about dealing with my depression now. When I got help nine months after my kids were born I started on meds that made a big difference. Last year I started to feel almost ‘cured’ of the depression but was having mini panic attacks. I ended up going cold turkey off the meds against doctors suggestions and realised they were causing the panic attacks. The side effects have worn off now but I’m feeling depressed again. We’re moving back to where we were in three months so its hard to get help again when we’re about to leave. Was supposed to see my psychologist two weeks ago but she never showed up. I dont have enough time to get used to a new psychologist only to have to find another one. Apart from my husband I feel like I have no one to talk to. I’m just hanging on waiting to move so that I can focus on getting the help I need.
    Thanks again for the post, it was hard to read but reminded me of why I’m fighting this battle each day. X

    • Frugie says:

      Thank you for telling me this. It’s so hard always finding the right medical professional. But continue to look after yourself. It means the world to your kids. Check in with me now and then and let me know how you’re doing.