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Biting my tongue

You know what’s coming up don’t you?

I’ve been dreading it. Not like the 20 sets of parents are dreading it, no. But dreading it.

The anniversary of Sandy Hook will be Saturday, December 14.

I know that many children have died before and since that day. That genocide, cancer and horrors take children EVERY DAY. Yes. I know this. But for some reason, this tragedy reverberates to the depths of every corner in my soul.

I remember exactly what I was doing that Friday when I learned of something awful on social media. Facebook was littered with praying for Connecticut statuses. I had no idea. I went to my laptop and checked the news. My pulse quickened, my blood went cold, it did, it really did. My gut churned with nausea. The tears came to my eyes and the absolute horror grabbed at my throat. I thought first of my own children in their classrooms. I prayed they were safe.

And then, I prayed for the parents of these children. I can’t imagine. I can’t imagine going to that school that day and having a trooper or first responder approach you. You know. You just know. How does the world not fall away. How do your knees not buckle, your heart stop at that moment that your whole existence is ripped from you?

The reports were coming in all over the place. There were arguments over 2nd Amendment rights. Arguments over mental health. We were arguing! Little boys and girls were covered in blood stained Osh Kosh and Gymboree clothes, and Hanna Anderson tights, and Old Navy Christmas sweatshirts, and we were arguing over the fucking Constitution!

I wanted to scream. There were wrapped gifts under Christmas trees for children that would not be able to open them. There were stockings that hung on mantles that Santa would not fill.

There were caskets that needed to be picked out.

Oh my God. 20 little caskets. Why oh why did this happen? How could this happen?

Heroes were made that day. Angels were made that day.

Months later, parents steeled themselves and headed to Congress to fight for gun control that could possibly save future children. There was mocking of them by pundits. What asshole mocks a grieving parent saying it was in vain for political gain?

You lose your child, you fight for others to not lose theirs. It’s that simple.

We need to talk people. We need to compromise and figure this shit out.

There’s a lot that is wrong. There’s a lot that needs changing. I don’t have the answers. But there has to be some steps, some small changes we can evolve. Where crazy people don’t armor up and bring magazine clips to schools to murder children.

If you love your guns, fine. I love my kids. I love your kids too. I love your kids more than you love your gun. Do you love my kids more than you love your gun?

I’m just asking. I don’t want a fight. I want respectful discussion. I want you to respect me and my children, as much as I respect you and your 2nd Amendment rights. That is all.

I will acknowledge your right to bear arms. Please acknowledge my right to want safety and regulation for those arms.

Can we do this? I think we can. We’ve accomplished more.


Make the Sandy Hook Promise if you’re interested in education and logical discussion on issues of gun safety.



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  1. Love you, love your kids, detest guns. This is eloquently put, dear, and it deserves to be shared far and wide.

  2. I thought of this as I sent my kiddos to school this morning. Thank you for writing my heart.

  3. Sandy Hook is still frequently on my mind. I’m with you. I want the discussions. I want all of us to keep talking until we figure out how to stop it.

  4. That video at the end just shattered my heart. We need to figure this out so our children stop dying.

  5. Christopher Tipper says:


    Speaking as a parent who has read their child’s autopsy report, I can not imagine what it was like to go through that box. Somehow I don’t think it was pink and pretty.

    You know I’m a huge softie. I’m sure you would have easily bet your house this morning that I would watch the video with the picture of the blue eyed blond haired young girl at the beginning and cry buckets. I’m still crying. But I’m starting to think that evil is winning.

    Thousands of school age children have died in shootings since Sandy Hook. And gun sales are up! The last thing I saw was that they’re at record sales rates since Sandy Hook. And allow me to take a tangent here – I noticed a couple of months ago that there’s a very strong correlation between supposed fundamentalist Christians in the news and the desire to bear arms. What Would Jesus Do? I’m guessing he wouldn’t want to carry a concealed Glock.

    We don’t have a Second Amendment problem. We have an NRA problem. The desire to make bullets and guns for profit is more important than the safety of our loved ones. Yes. I mean to have said that.

    Evil has won because their sacrifice has been in vain. Nothing’s changed. There’s no discussion. The parents of the slain were mocked on television. There might be random acts of kindness to people who’s grief is massively publicized. But what about the underprivileged who lose their kids to gun violence every day? They’re not having a stranger pay for their heat this winter. I pray things will change but I fear they won’t. Not until there’s an even larger catastrophe.

    Crying Bro

    • I love you bro.

    • I was going to leave a comment and then I saw that Christopher said everything I wanted to say. I couldn’t agree with him more. It makes me furious to know that we’re still debating this a year later. It breaks my heart to see those faces and names and to know that nothing has changed. Human life has become so cheap in the eyes of so many. The solution is not to buy more guns to protect yourself from these sorts of things and yet that’s all I hear about. All I can do is keep railing and keep voting for the leaders who support MY values. I’m sorry for you loss, Christopher. Great post, Frugie.

    • thank you Rebecca and Chris. Chris, I constantly ask myself about guns and Christians. I don’t have a close relationship with God, but I have a good sense that nothing good can come from a machine that is made to kill.

  6. I agree conversation and compromise has to be the start, if not the answer. I, like many, believe in responsible gun ownership, but there are many able to get guns currently who are not able to do so responsibly. As for all the others lost to gun violence since the Sandy Hook tragedy, I thought this was a very good post:

  7. Christopher, there are no better words to add to your words……Pray, vote, push against this heartlesness….we know where the problem lies, we must keep on keeping on in unity and strength together…..there is absolutely no ‘need’ for the quanity of ammo and firearms available….
    I grew up with guns, pistols, rifles, and yes I’m good with them…but I don’t need them for anything…as I no longer go hunting with my dad, I no longer live near a gravel pit…where I practiced…
    We must keep strong in this area….

  8. Love all children, no matter who they belong to. I grew up in a gun household, guns locked up and safety taught from a young age. At one time, sibling was not considered safe around the weapons due to attitude, they were locked up again until said sibling was no longer in the house. My husband and I are hunters and have other guns in the house. We also have a child and multiple nieces. Gun locks and safes are used. While our son was young, we spent time teaching him gun safety and taking him to classes to learn what we could not teach him. I believe that safety and teaching safety is an important part of owning guns. Not just for the children but for the adults. I respect people that do not want guns in their homes and I hope that the same respect is shared with me.

  9. I love everything you have said here and couldn’t add anything more eloquent. Your brother’s comment was spot on, I wish it weren’t true but guns are still winning.

  10. I always like to think outside the gun. If you continued to have flooding in a specific area, eventually, the property would be considered inhabitable and uninsurable. If you have a car that continues to stall on the highway, you fix it. Gun laws are broken. We need to fix them. All or nothing has never been a good philosophy and sadly, I think the NRA keeps the all or nothing, “slippery slope” fear-mongering argument/card very close to their chest. Fear is a very powerful tool. I think if we just approach it as “something broken”, we’d be able to get so much farther. There is always compromise. Even the most polarizing debate can find middle ground. Thanks for speaking your heart.

  11. Tbank you for this reminder that we still have work to do to get sensible gun control passed in the US!

  12. Absolutely outstanding post! If we can’t have an honest and real conversation about this issue, we’re not going to get anywhere. And the price we’re paying is catastrophic.

    Love you, love your kids, love this post.

  13. I also love this post. So nicely stated. I don’t care about the guns, but I do love the kids. They need to be protected.

  14. Christopher Tipper says:

    May I be allowed to perhaps change up the mood a little here?

    Yes. Yesterday I was convinced, and tried to make the argument, that evil was winning.

    Now I’m less sure.


  15. Amy Lomnicky says:

    Thank you for writing this. As always, you have written exactly what I feel.