It seems of recent, that you can’t eat kale or be a health nut without being mocked just a little bit.
There’s this weird dichotomy of it’s hipster to be healthy, but it’s also hip to make fun of the healthy chickpea eating hipsters.
And then there’s the notion that not eating meat makes you a wimp. Or eating super healthy makes you a hipster at all. Which I am not trying to be! DO I look like a hipster in my pajama jeans? I think not.
Or that getting excited over chia seeds makes you crazy.
I’m blaming Gwyneth Paltrow.
Ever since Gwynnie consciously uncoupled from Chris it’s been cool to hate her. And I will admit, I kinda don’t like her these days. I’m a little bit flummoxed over her ‘working on a movie set is hard’ complaints and her ‘I can’t decide which manor to live in’ divorce issues. And the fact that she doesn’t let her kids eat ice cream is criminal in my book.
But this isn’t about Gwynster. It’s about all of us.
We’re fat. A lot of us are fat. And I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible. We have DIAHBEETUS, and heart disease up the wazoo. And it’s killing us.
Kids are fat too. We eat fast food. We like Frappuccinos. And not just a Frappuccino treat, but a frickin’ Venti Big Gulp size Frapadingo with syrup!
So we hate on Gwyn because she’s skinny, right? No. We hate on Gwyn because she makes us feel bad for our love for Big Gulp Frappy Syrupy drinks we chug each week.
But what if we had the Frappuccinos sometimes, maybe a little bit smaller, and we tried the chia seeds? And if you’re friend is eating kale, don’t make fun of her. What if we tried that, huh?
I posted on my Facebook that I made a ‘compost pile dinner’. It was a giant combination of veggies, fruits, beet juice, coconut water, chia seeds all mixed in my Vitamix. It was a crazy concoction. But you know what? I feel so good after drinking it. Folks were telling me to put vodka in it. (Uh, that defeats the purpose.) And I was making fun of it too. Because it’s not cool to mix beets and swiss chard. It’s cool to eat bacon on a bacon cracker with bacon dressing and bacon sauce. Or whatever. Bacon.
Bacon is cool. Kale is not.
I can’t eat bacon. No. I’m not Jewish. My body doesn’t like it. It makes my tummy angry. And guess what America? It makes your arteries angry too! But don’t take my word for it.
A friend in a Facebook group confessed that she’s trying to do some clean eating but she doesn’t want to tell a whole lot of people because they might think she’s being pretentious about her food choices.
I think it’s pretentious not to poop for days because your bowels are all backed up from eating crap. So I told her, you go on with your fine self and eat the plants. Feel good! Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
I have a love / hate relationship with food. Not in an eating disorders kind of way. More like a, I love meat and cheese and it doesn’t love me back. My milkshake does not bring the boys to the yard, it brings me to the bathroom with diarrhea.
So it’s coconut sorbet for me! But if I talk quinoa and coconut, folks look at me sideways.
Hey, let’s agree to this: How about unless you’re boiling kittens for dinner, we save our judgements about our food choices to ourselves?! And if you need to eat plants because you want to be healthy and not spend all day in the bathroom, yay. I support you.
If you like pork and Velveeta and think it’s yummy and it gets you through your day, I support that too. I know there’s hardcore vegans out there that think differently. But making someone feel bad about a choice doesn’t necessarily change their thinking about that choice.
We need to form people’s thinking to be positive around the plant foods. The sustainable choices that are good for us and the earth. Not chastise them for eating the meat. That’s just my feeling. Make plants cool without trying too hard.
Like my friend Katy says, “I haven’t eaten a face in 20 years, but I’m not a dick about it.”
So if you’re friend orders a quinoa loaf with a side of chickpea and sesame salad, don’t rag on them. And if you’re friend orders a bacon double cheeseburger when you ordered the quinoa loaf, maybe don’t make them feel like a serial killer.
A little respect, compromise and open-mindedness can get us further.
And if I post on Facebook that I’m eating less junk and more greens, it’s because I like my colon to be happy. Not that I’m trying to be like Gwyneth.
Mung beans for everyone!
Just kidding. Actually, I have a really good farro recipe…..