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I can’t please everyone

“Get a hobby.”

“Get a job.”

“Clean your house more often.”

“Let down your hair and blow off steam.”

“You should go out with your girl friends.”

“Why do you go out so much?”

“Pay attention to your kids more.”

If I did nothing but look after my house all day, people would think I’m weird and need a hobby. If I just sat around and did a hobby all day, people would think I needed to work more. It’s called balance people. I do what works for my family. Not yours.

Why are people so judgey? I didn’t ask your opinion. Okay, I just did about the judgey question, but before that. Why do people judge my parenting based on how often I’m on the internet? Shouldn’t they judge my parenting based on my kids themselves?

I’m a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). It’s a lame term. I don’t just stay home. Sometimes I do. Sometimes all I can do is wait for the kids to leave the house for the school bus so I can watch Sherlock on Netflix or Downton Abbey. I make myself lattes and eat baked goods and am in clear denial as to the amount of work I actually have to get done. It’s a coping mechanism.

Then there’s some days I leave the house around 9 am and don’t get home until 7:30 or 8 at night. Between errands, appointments, volunteering and taking the kids to their activities, I am non-stop.

On a really good day, I’ll throw in some laundry between errands and empty the dishwasher. On a fabulous day, I’ll prepare a dinner that is nutritious AND delicious. Whoa.

So if you’re wondering, no, I don’t spend my whole day on Facebook. Or my blog.

I blog when I can, usually after the kids go to bed. Or when they’ve left for school.

Why am I even telling you this? Because there’s bloggers and moms and dads out there who seem to share their opinions freely about how horrible us blogging, Instagraming, Facebooking, and Pinteresting moms are. And I’m tired of it.

I’m pretty sure my kids are totally fine while I sit here next to them and I’m on my computer. Or wait in the carpool line on my phone. And when they were younger, how many times did I hear, “mommy watch this!” and for the one millionth time I was shown how they could spin and forward roll. Or burp. I didn’t miss any milestones of my children’s development because I was on the internet. My children are not maladjusted because I don’t give them every breathing, waking second of my attention. No, in fact. They are independent beings that know how to wipe their own ass. (Most of the time.)

Now with the book, I Just Want to Pee Alone out and kicking book selling butt- I want to be clear that I am in support of other moms who share their candid tales of parenting and motherhood, pregnancy and post-partum, and not just do it honestly, but hilariously! The kind of stories you laugh so hard at over a Girls Night Out when someone shares the story of how they gave birth, that you pee your pants, or spew your cosmo out your nose. Don’t all moms pretty much share their birth stories?

Then there’s my marriage. If I make a few jokes about McSweetie, can we not jump to conclusions that I must be a nightmare to live with? Can we not think my marriage must be miserable and my husband so pussy whipped, he doesn’t know what hit him? If I was a stand-up comic and did this piece about how husbands can behave like children, there would be a lot of women who agree with me. Or husbands that agree with me about their spouse being childlike. But put it in a blog, and all of a sudden, I’m Dr. Phil and I need to stop giving marital advice and stop emasculating my husband. Trust me, a list about how my husband doesn’t pick up his underwear, doesn’t emasculate him.

He admits to his foibles. He knows he can be lazy around the house. So what? I get something off my chest, a few others laugh about it and tell me they relate, I feel better. Life goes on. We don’t have to psycho analyze it into a marriage crisis, people! I’m actually pretty awesome to be married to. I wash his shorts, make his lattes, encourage him and his career, send him off to heavy metal concerts with his buddies, take care of his mother’s birthday… I’m a pretty damn good wife.

Here let me interview McSweetie on his feelings about this….

Oh, sorry, he was asleep on the couch. I’ll ask him later.

Okay, are we cool? Because I’m a little tired of people getting their knickers in a twist. Just chill the fluff down. I can’t please everyone, so I please me. And my family. Thankyouverymuch.

And if you haven’t yet- buy the damn book!

Comments

  1. Kelly DeBie says:

    Seems like an epidemic of judging lately. You know what you SHOULD do? Keep being awesome. xoxo

  2. Teri says:

    Well said. I hope you didn’t miss any of your children’s major milestones (like Mom, watch me jump on one leg) because you were busy blogging. :)

  3. Amen, sistah. Amen.

  4. Toni says:

    You just described my life. Don’t worry about other people they’re just jealous!

  5. Julia's Math says:

    My first thought was- why on Earth would I want to?!

    • Frugie says:

      I just wish folks weren’t so mean about when I don’t please them! But you’re right, who’s got time for that?

  6. Amy Garnett says:

    Two things have been mind since this whole “Shame on the Moms who FB and use their iPhone at the Park” post came along. First, thanks to the internet, I’ve been able to work from home for most of children’s lives. Thanks to the invention of the Smartphone, I can now work from pretty much anywhere (the park, field trips, ballgames). Call me crazy but I think technology has ENHANCED my ability to parent.

    Secondly, am I the only one whose mom had a phone on the kitchen wall that had a cord long enough to reach the next county?? She could cook, do laundry, scrub toilets…anything she wanted…while talking on the phone. She talked. I text. Is there really that big a difference?

    I don’t play a lot of games, but I do spend time on Facebook and Twitter. And I blog. Yes, it distracts me a bit from the kids. But wait… I remember the exact order of my mother’s TV shows back in the day. She started with “The Price is Right” at 10:00, followed by “The Young and the Restless”, then “All My Children”, then “Another World”, then “Guiding Light”. Isn’t that the same thing?

    Don’t miss my point here. I’m not knocking my mom. She was and is still the best mom in the world. My point is, she didn’t devote 100% of her life to making sure she had eye contact with me or my sisters. We turned out just fine, and I think my kids will too.

    Now, somebody take my hand and help me down off my soapbox.

    • Frugie says:

      Hmmm, I don’t know which article you are speaking of. (Just kidding, yes I do.)
      Yeah, that and a few others.
      OH my gosh- the phone cord!!! Yes- my mom was on the phone all the flippin’ time! And having ladies over for coffee and I would just sit and watch cartoons and play Barbies.
      And my mom was the awesomest and still is. I didn’t mind one bit.

  7. HouseTalkN says:

    This? This is why I love you.

  8. jaclynn says:

    You rock frugie!!!!!!

  9. Meredith says:

    Must be a common feeling this week. I have two toddlers. When they nap, instead of breathing, I feel like I should be cleaning. I love writing. Love. But I feel guilty about taking the time to do it. Thank you for writing this.

    • Frugie says:

      Nap times are those crazy couple hours we try and cram everything in. Sometimes, the laundry can wait. I vote for writing. A happy mom is a better mom, right?

  10. Dani Ryan says:

    Yup. This pretty much sums it up. :)

  11. Andrea says:

    Good for you!

  12. Alexis says:

    Ironically while I’ve been given a few friendly mom-digs for my pathetic housekeeping skills (deserved) or failure to make fresh hot meals for my kids on a regular basis (who wants a bagel with peanut butter on it?) nobody has every questioned my blogging. Admittedly none of my local friends blog and about half only have a rough idea of what it is I’m talking about. But still, I guess I’ve been lucky to have dodged that bullet!

  13. I told you how I think blogging has made me a better mom. I used to be one of those Judgy McJugertons BEFORE I was a mom. Then when I became a mom, oh heavens – I couldn’t talk about my problems with anyone! No siree. Then a time came when I had no choice but to talk about how my life sucked, and I found comfort. And I found I could bring comfort to others through talking about my life as a mom. So there. We should all be in this together – not as in “it takes a village,” but as in we’re all doing the same thing. Let’s talk and support and drink wine and laugh and cry and hug. And maybe a few rounds of Kumbaya.

    • Frugie says:

      More Kumbaya, less guilt and judging. When I tried to be perfect in my early parenting years, I thought I was going to explode. So I kind of like my imperfect self better now that my kids are older, I’ve been able to embrace it.

  14. Bah humbug.

    You’re damned if you do and you’re double-dog-damned if you don’t. When I blog, I’m ignoring my kids. When I don’t, I’m Mary Effing Poppins (apparently an equally bad thing). Apparently, I must be bland, boring and unnoticeable in order to not raise the hackles of the Cult of Judgy Mamas.

    Oh, and also, I apparently love Baby G more than the other two.

    The other mystifying thing? I am condemned for having “a perfect life”. EHRM…wtf? What is this perfect life of which they speak? Also, if I did, why is this bad?

    I do have some words of advice to improve yourself (self-improvement is the new black, you know):
    1) Wear more beige.
    2) Only order vanilla flavoured anything.
    3) Answer yes/no questions with ‘maybe’
    4) Bake a lot but don’t tell anyone.
    5) Whenever anyone says anything, just agree.

    Oh, hell, screw ‘em. Then make another spanx video.

  15. Jade says:

    My comment isn’t directly related to the post above, but here it is….
    I found you in the list of bloggers who wrote the book, and I am SO excited to find someone who seems to be as big of a Daniel Craig fan as me! I am in loving awe of the banner at the top of your blog…seriously. I’ve heard two rumours lately…the first is that he signed on to be in two more James Bond films, and the second is that Robert Pattison might be the next James Bond. I hope the first is more true than the second, because if it is, we can each take a turn being a Bond girl with Daniel :)
    The name’s Steckly. Jade Steckly.

    • Frugie says:

      Yes, he’s confirmed for two more films! Okay, RPatts needs to wait 20 years, then maybe when his Edward sparkle has worn off, he can be cool as Bond.
      Thanks for coming by! Happy to find another Daniel fan out in this world.

  16. Jen says:

    Love this post. Love. Love. Love it! I’m waaayyyyy over people being so judgemental. (I’m allowed to be, they’re not. lol) Imagine how much better we all would be if we lifted each other up instead of tearing down.

    I’ve got a draft started on this topic already …

    • Frugie says:

      I’m so tired of people behind their laptops thinking they can get away with being a-holes! Love the new blog by the way Chickie!

  17. What’s up, I log on to your new stuff like every week. Your writing style is awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!

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