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I’m thankful for vaginas. My kids are too.

So last year when we gathered around the table for Thanksgiving at my parent’s house, Owen did a tear-filled thankful sharing that made my heart burst with gladness. I wrote about it here. It’s pretty damn special.

Well, this year, I got choked up at the dinner table again, but it was my mom talking about my dad and how very grateful we are that all went well last week with his procedure. You can read about THAT here.

I was really hoping for another zinger from my Boy. You know one that REALLY pulled on the heart strings. I mean, I had already had 2 glasses of wine, so I was pretty well greased for some sappy stuff to bring me to tears.

His turn comes. He’s sitting next to me. I’m waiting in anticipation. This is going to be good, I’m thinking in my head, I’m putting this in my journal.
He says, “I’m thankful for my mom.” He touches me on the shoulder…. wait for it….. here it comes….”I’m thankful that she pooped me out.”

Hmmm. That’s not what I was expecting. What? I pooped you out? That’s the best you got?  Well?

So then Emma chimes in, “It wasn’t her butt, it was her VAGINA.”

To this, I think I groan. Loudly. And lay my head in my plate of mashed potatoes. Thank goodness, my father, who is sitting right next to Emma, is pretty much deaf. So he doesn’t hear any of this. And he’s chewing his food, so that probably drowns out some of what we are saying.

My mother let’s out a howl of laughter. James rolls his eyes, like, “who are these people?”

My father chimes in, “what’s so funny?”

To which my mother responds, “Oh nothing, we’re just having some gyno conversation.”
We continue on.

There were no more references to either bodily functions or gyno occurrences. So I had some more wine.

I’m so grateful for pooping you out Owen, and you too Emma! And more grateful you came out of my vagina like you were supposed to.

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  1. Okay. I have to go home and change my shorts. I just tinkled a little bit.

    Good lord!

  2. BWAHAHAHA! I love this!

  3. I am still laughing.

  4. PRICELESS. SIMPLY PRICELESS. Moments like these turn out to be some of my very favorite memories. Cause we KNOW we won’t EVER forget Vagina talk at Thanksgiving dinner!!! I LOVEEEE it!! As always, thanks for being you. You always make me smile. Love ya girl!!

  5. THIS is why I never tell my kids about family gatherings. I just tell them I’m going to book club and sneak out the side door.

  6. Wow, you made me glad my kids are still too young to figure this one out yet. Seriously this was hysterical and loved their explanations, lol!!

  7. Love you! 🙂

  8. This is freaking HILARIOUS.

  9. Oh, Frugie, THIS is why I love you. 😉

  10. I love those “what’s so funny?” moments and you just know you can’t even BEGIN to explain! Too funny 🙂

  11. This is why I tape my children’s mouth shut at family gatherings, but, this is also why I’m considering removing the tape at family gatherings. Epic, Frugie. Epic. To be a fly on the wall or on the edge of your wine glass. xo

  12. OMG! That is the stuff of sitcoms and Judd Apatow movies. Fab – u – lous.

  13. BaHahahahahaha! BahahahahahahHAHAAHAHA! That was awesome! Omigosh I absolutely cracked UP! Especially after reading the heartwarming story of Thanksgiving! : )