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I’m tired of being nice

Okay, not really. But can I just rant for a bit? Please? I’ve been really good lately all positive and shit. But sometimes, I just got to let it out. Here goes-

  • People who bring their dogs with them on a summer day in the car and leave them in the parking lot. I don’t care if you crack the windows. I don’t care if it’s cloudy. It’s summer. The car gets hot. YOU sit in a parked car and see how it feels. Just leave them at home. Okay?

Here’s a great little chart of how the temperature changes in a parked car during the summer.

How a car heats up during the day. This site also has tips and facts about preventing pet deaths in parked cars. Use your head people!!

  • Folks who don’t tell their kids that they are being little shits. Now I know that there’s people out there that are real douchecanoes and are mean to their kids. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about parents that just don’t tell their kids to either shut the fuck up, sit still, or keep your goddamn hands to yourself! Don’t let your little monster crinkle their Cheetos bag during a live play (yeah, some kid did this during Emma’s show this weekend), don’t let your spawn splash at the pool so much that folks sitting on deck chairs are getting wet, don’t let your kid pee on the grass at the 4th of July fireworks display next to our lawn chairs. Really. This happened. And out of ten grown-ups, not a one in that group saw this kid drop trou and whip out his wee-wee to pee on the grass. No, I didn’t say anything. Whatevs. But if that was MY kid, I would’ve have used that moment as a learning tool ( I say this in my best Julie Andrews voice).

Public urination is only funny in the movies. Sort of.

  • People who go out in public looking like absolute shit. When you see the dude on his bike, with his hat sideways, looking all gangsta, but wearing alligator pajama bottoms, you seriously scratch your head and think, WTF?

This is the only way I want to see pajama bottoms in public.

  • Drivers texting not looking at the road. Yeah- I’m talking to YOU and YOU and YOU… anyone else? I see moms, teenagers, men, EVERYONE, weaving in and out of their lane, driving under the speed limit. Just fucking drive okay? Especially on the freeway. Sure I use my phone to navigate. I check updates in the car- at stop lights! Not when I’m turning the corner!!
  • And last but not least- rape jokes. Yeah, that’s what I said. Rape jokes. Daniel Tosh is funny, but not when he gets pissed at a heckler and asks the audience if  it would be funny if she was raped by like ‘5 guys’. Huh, gee Tosh, who’s the douche now? Daily Beast article Tosh’s rape joke, NOT FUNNY. This goes along with you don’t joke about children being molested or babies being harmed. I remember watching the auditions of Last Comic Standing on NBC and a wanna-be comic had in their routine something about kicking a baby. The judges just cut them off right there and were like, ‘dude, you don’t joke about shit like that. You’re done.’

So there’s my piss list. I feel better getting that off my chest.

Thanks. Now, stay calm and have a cup of tea. Cheerio.

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Comments

  1. Great list! I am going to take issue with Tosh though. I’m not a fan of his and his humor is not my style and I thought his joke was tasteless. Not everyone is going to find eveyr joke funny. I DO think this chick was out of line, though. If she knows anything about Tosh, she should know not to heckle. People need to research the comedian they’re going to see (or the blog they’re going to read) so they know what to expect and not freak out. Personally, I think heckling is as bad as Cheetos in a live play. If you don’t like the comedian, don’t go to his show, but don’t sit there and heckle him while he’s trying to do his job. Sure, his remark was off the cuff and off base, but there is no way he actually MEANT what he said and she needed to be told in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up. If comedians have to start apologizing for offending people in their audience, it’s going to be a dark day for people like you and me, Frugie.

    • Grr, I know- you’re right. But maybe now that he’s had all this stink about it, he’ll take that joke out of his set. It pissed me off. Do you see my points about off-topic topics? They should not be touched with a ten foot pole. I didn’t like it. I’m queasy that way. But thanks for liking and commenting!!

      • Believe me, I’m not defending him or his joke and I doubt he’ll ever use it again. It’s just that we’ve all been accused of crossing the line and I don’t know who decides the “line,” but if we’re not careful we’ll be on the wrong side of the line. He’s a dick, no doubt. Great post!

  2. The only thing about texting and driving is this: if you are at a stop light, at a complete stop … I have no problem with that. I do, however, have a problem with people that text while they are driving, as in while the vehicle is in motion (which, it sounds like, we agree). But people take it to far, now, with their own policing of it and that is the issue I have. I was parked on the side of the road, texting to get directions once, and some old guy started leaning on my car screaming at me for doing so. SCREAMING “GET OFF THE PHONE!!!” But I did everything you are supposed to do! If you are not at a complete stop at a stoplight and it cannot wait, pull over. When you are driving – as in the car is in motion – keep it off. End of story!! Why is it so complex for people to follow; and moreover why have people taken it upon themselves to police it?

    • I know. Well, people are stupid. I’ve been in the carpool lane with my kids in the car and you couldn’t see them in the back because I drive a minivan, and a guy was waving and flipping me off because he thought I was cheating. Duh, dude, chill out.

  3. I agree with you on the leaving the pets in the car thang. I will hunt those peeps down and report them. Sheesh
    Visiting you from the blog hop. Give me a visit some time ~
    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

  4. Amanda says:

    Found you through the Friday Blog Hop and am leaving a follower! Love your humor and I can’t wait to read more!!

  5. Nice list! We were at the playground about a week ago, sitting on a bench, and some kid wandered up and peed on the tree right next to us. What scares me is that the parents probably *told* him to do that to avoid the germy bathroom, but do you know what? The reason the bathroom is germy is because your excrement is full of germs, and also because people are disgusting, like maybe, say, people who are cool with peeing in public in close proximity to strangers. This, by the way, was the same kid later seen standing on the water fountain in his pee shoes. Occasionally it’s okay to judge other parents. :)

    • OH geeze!!! Yeah, I saw a mom at the pool wash her kids shitty pants in the shower!! Didn’t she think that maybe dumping it into the TOILET first would’ve been better??? This is why you wear flip flops EVERYWHERE at the pool!

  6. D G says:

    Frugie – you know I love you just the way you are..but even us nice girls are allowed to get pissed off now and then! For the record, I just lectured my kids today about not being aholes. It’s mid-summer and they are getting twitchy.
    Big hugs..and just say no to texting while driving.
    xo

  7. Good work….except sometimes i go out looking like shit….sorry;(

  8. hemsforher says:

    I feel better just reading it!

  9. As far as I’m concerned, Daniel Tosh is lower than sewer slime. And as a professional comic who has years of experience doing stand up on stage, and yes, getting heckled many times… well if you can’t deal with being heckled, you have no business getting up on a stage and doing stand up comedy. Most nights more than 75% of the audience is drunk, and getting heckled is an occupational hazard to be expected and then dealt with professionally; and if you’re any good, humorously.

    Most hecklers soon go very quiet when the comic’s comebacks to their heckling makes the rest of the audience laugh, and sometimes even cheer. I watched Tosh’s attempted comeback to his heckler, and that was no joke – it was an ugly and vicious intentioned reminder of the threat of violence to a woman, and Tosh used it to try and frighten his female heckler into silence.

  10. My Oversized Shit-list says:

    I have to say im guilty of rocking pajama pants ( they have felix the cat on them, their pretty cool).. only to the servo, which is at the end of my street.

  11. Anastasia says:

    “Douchecanoe” tested my bladder control. Lol

  12. Molly says:

    So…Have to admit that while taking our three kids on a streetcar ride in downtown Portland last weekend, three year old had to pee. Nobody anywhere would let him used the bathroom. Seriously? He’s three, not some homeless person looking to shower in your restroom sink! So we did what any self respecting 30 something couple with three kids does in the middle of the city…took him to a flower pot and told him to go. I totally couldn’t stop thinking of Big Daddy and wanting to go back in the restaruant that turned us down and say “It’s your problem now!” I also thought of your blog. 😉

    • Frugie says:

      Haha!! Well, you did what you could in a desperate situation! Has my kid peed outside in an emergency? Yes. But not next to a family picnicking on the 4th of July! Thanks for sharing your story!