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My ridiculous and frivolous review of the Golden Globes that is completely unneccessary.

Let me just say that I told you so. Whatever I have said, the big money reviewers and writers will say the same thing. If you even bother to read them.

So I’ve had several vodka tonics,  I can’t be responsible for content:

What was with Madonna? Can she thaw just a little bit please? Since when is the Material Girl so freakin’ serious? When she went up to accept her award for best song for W/E, a movie which she also directed, she was stoic, silent and calculating in her words. I thought someone died. Or she was going to dedicate her award to something important. No, she was just pontificating in her fake British accent. How I wish she would lighten up. Or remove the stick up her ass.

Best line of the evening:

When Seth Rogan comes out with Kate Beckinsale and says, “I’m Seth Rogan, and I am hiding an enormous erection.” To the commencing of giggles from Kate Beckinsale and she couldn’t read the teleprompter. I will confess, James would probably concur. He wouldn’t say so though on TV for millions to hear.

Best presenting duo-

Tina Fey and Jane Lynch. Carry on…

Hottest presenting duo

Channing Tatum and Jessica Alba

Movies I haven’t seen, but need to-

The Artiste

The Descendants

  • Congrats to Octavia Spencer for winning for her portrayal in The Help. That movie was so many things. And I think she feels the same way too. Way to go and she had a wonderful quote from Dr. King in her speech.
  • Shame on NBC for putting a short leash on Ricky Gervais. What are you afraid of? He only says what we all think.

Favorite Anglophile Thespian:

Kate Winslet. Beautiful, poised, talented and always real.

Old fella still Rockin it:

Sydney Poitier. Damn he’s distinguished.

Older woman still Rockin it:

Helen Mirren (second favorite Anglophile Thespian)

  • I love me a video montage of an actor’s career. Morgan Freeman is a stud. From Electric Company to Invictus. God love him.

Skinniest woman that I want to hate but hey, if it’s her metabolism that makes her so thin after three children then okay:

Angelina Jolie

  • Kudos for Modern Family and Sofia Vergara’s acceptance speech.

Worst dress on a hot woman:

Jessica Biel decided to wear her wedding dress to Justin Timerlake with her Spanx briefs showing.

Actress who always acts like she’s not expecting it, but deserves it every year:

Meryl Streep

Actress who still does her Jazzercize DVD’s even though she’s like 90 years old:

Jane Fonda. Can’t deny that she’s still hot from the neck down.

  • okay so The Artiste won instead of Bridesmaids. Whatever. I guess it’s cinematic or something. Nothing beats Melissa McCarthy in the bridal shop. Period.
  • Apparently I have to see Shame. Michael Fassbender can play golf without a club according to George Clooney.
  • Dear Harrison Ford: Please remove your earring. You are not in college or in a garage band. Thanks.

I guess before the Oscars I will be seeing the Descendants. I think it’s going to win Best Picture. I said it here first.

Mahalo.

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Comments

  1. Kate Beckinsale. Carry on…

  2. props to the great Idris Elba too…and to you for the line “Apparently I have to see Shame. Michael Fassbender can play golf without a club.” wonderfully cheeky. continue…

  3. thanks for the review. I forgot this was on and turned on the TV just in time to hear The Descendents win. I was thrilled. I went to this movie some time ago not knowing a thing about it. I left the theater wildly surprised by how good it was. The memory of it lasted for a couple of days. Real stuff. Well acted.
    Again…thanks for the short version of this. (Sorry I missed Tina Fey and Jane Lynch)

  4. Ha ha – great post. I am glad to see it confirmed that was suppose to be a fake british accent Madonna was speaking – I thought her chest smashing tudor style corset thing was just pushing the implants into her larynx.

  5. Christopher says:

    Becca, no comment on Morgan’s earring? And what’s with him still wearing the black glove?

    I’ve never watched the Golden Globes before. Of course we watched because of what Ricky was like last year. Very disappointed that it was so timid.

    • Honestly, I don’t know why I don’t mind Morgan’s earring. He’s Easy Reader so he can do anything.
      The black glove is because he has no use of that hand from his car accident in 2008. It’s a compression glove and because there’s no circulation, he wears it to deter blood pooling in his fingers.
      He’s got some other controversy. Apparently, he’s pulling a Woody Allen and dating his adopted step daughter. That is what the rumor mill says, it has not been verified.
      I think there was some effort to keep the show within a time frame. The fact is, we didn’t need Ricky more than he appeared as it was (personally, I would watch him and no one else). So they ended on time and kept his banter short. That’s one theory anyway.

  6. We totally have to go see the new Underworld coming out. If BigDaddy says anything about an erection I’m going to kick him in it. Kate Beckinsdale is hot. Period. How can you not be and wear the whole tightassleatherImgonnakicktheshitoutofsomewerewolvesandvampires outfit?!?!? I’m totally gonna get me something leather to wear when we have ‘date night’ and have to go watch some hot chick.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE Sofia Vergara!!!! Nuf said.

    Harrison Ford, I concur. An earring in your ear does NOT make us all think “well hell, he is totally cool. Look he’s wearing an earring, he SHOULD be all up in Calista Flockhart. GAG. ME. Get your Indy hat and whip and start doin’ it for me again 😉

    Brangelina. You both need to eat. Grow up. Just because you are on some UN mission or whatever the hell it is, does NOT mean you have to look like you live in a 3rd world country. Here…have yourselves a candybar, or 12.

  7. Talk about stiff, what was up with the Maroon 5 dude? It looked like he wanted to scratch Jimmy Fallon’s eyeballs out. Rawr!!!