Follow on Bloglovin>
Ebates Coupons and Cash Back

Makeup dupes for you!

It’s long over due that I provide you with a Dupes post. Makeup dupes.

I’ve made a YouTube video on my YouTube channel (are you subscribed? You should be!) of all the latest dupes I have scouted out for you. Finding dupes is hard work. First you buy all the high end stuff. Then you go to the drugstore and look at things that look like the luxury brands, buy them and take them home and try things out over and over to see which ones are actual replicas of the luxury products. Doesn’t this sound so budget friendly and cost effective?

I’m being sarcastic of course. But truthfully, usually I stumble across the dupes in my ‘research’ (that’s code for hours at Ulta and Sephora and Walgreens) and then test them out and get all excited and want to share them with you, my viewers/readers. [Read more…]

When you sh** your pants at Tiffany’s

First of all, I’d like to clarify that I wasn’t the one who did the pants shitting. It was Emma. Second, this was last year and not when she was in diapers. Third, she gave me permission to tell her story. Because she’s awesome and it’s funny.

Forgive me, but there’s some back story here. I want to give a quick run down of how I have always wanted a little something something from Tiffany’s. You know, the fancy American jeweler with the little blue box. Dammit all- they have good packaging. And marketing. Because Audrey Hepburn wasn’t in a movie called Breakfast at Ben Bridge. Or Breakfast at the Sear’s jewelry department. When there’s a movie called Breakfast at Tiffany’s, it sort of makes the place iconic. Not sort of. It does. [Read more…]

We need to stop with the ‘stop the wussification’ of America bull sh*t

If you want to start a shit storm, have a major retailer tell folks that they are changing the signs in their stores. Not the merchandise. Not their employee benefits, not even the availability of Frozen merchandise at Christmas. But THE SIGNAGE.

So Target last week changed the signs in their bedding and toy departments. Now instead of the signs reading “Girl’s Bedding” or “Boy’s Bedding”, it just says “Bedding”. Because I think we can just decide what bedding we want to buy regardless of gender, right?

Ha! Well according to middle America, this has got to stop. What has to stop, you ask? The Wussification of America. According to many comments, both on the Target website, AND my friend Stephanie at Binkies and Briefcases, if you take away gender labeling, you are pushing the agenda of the Transgender community. And this is bad. Because then we end up as he/she’s or Shims, or Herms or whatever, or also known as being WUSSIES.

NEWSFLASH- a wuss has nothing to do with the GENDER IN YOUR PANTS!! OR SKIRT!!

If you are a wuss you are weak. Because what makes things like, countries, strong? DEFINED MEN AND WOMEN! None of this gender generalness people! (sarcasm font)

The definition of a wuss, according to the Google, is

noun
noun: wuss; plural noun: wusses
  1. 1.
    a weak or ineffectual person (often used as a general term of abuse).
verb
verb: wuss; 3rd person present: wusses; past tense: wussed; past participle: wussed; gerund or present participle: wussing
  1. 1.
    fail to do or complete something as a result of fear or lack of confidence.
    “she’ll probably wuss out because she fears my mighty bowling prowess”
Huh. Well look at that. Wuss is a general term of abuse. Interesting.
Angry customers messaged Target that they would not pander to their buckling under the LGBT agenda. They are going to Walmart to buy their kids’ bikes. Because Walmart clearly labels GIRL bikes and BOY bikes. Obviously you want to shop in the right aisles and not just say to your kids, ‘oh look, bikes. Let’s pick one out you like.’
Now folks are concerned that clothing will no longer be gender specified. It’s true people. Target is going to start a revolution of burlap onesies that are so gender neutral, we won’t know who we’re attracted to anymore. It’s going to be so confusing!!
The problem I have with this term, “the wussification of America” is not just the Confederate flag in the profile picture of the person using the comment, <ahem> but the fact that strength and worth come from defined genders. And that folks are worried that if more and more people express their gender neutrality that we will become weak.
Is it because in order to be strong you have to be a predominant testosteroned male that only wears camouflage, and votes Republican, drives a truck and owns a gun? No. Because that is a stereotype people. And stereotypes, despite having truth to them, generalize a person away from what actually makes them who they are. Because we’re all different. And different is good.
Let me ask the folks that are worried about Target’s lack of labeling, is this a wuss folks?
kristin beck navy seal transgender
That’s Kristin Beck, the Navy Seal who served for 20 years and then retired and transitioned to female. I wouldn’t call her a wuss. How many death threats do you think she’s gotten? She stands up for others that want to transition because she knows they are harassed, threatened, and even murdered based on their gender preferences.
Was Matthew Shepherd a wuss when he was tied to a fence post and beaten to death for being gay? He was such a small-framed young man. His attackers were angry with his lack of masculinity, his gayness, so they killed him. What kind of wusses were they?
Stop it America.
Stop calling people weak based on how they prefer to dress, wear their hair or who they love.
Standing up for what you believe in without putting down others is what makes a strong person. Defending the weak is strong. Facing adversity with courage against the odds is heroic.
The labeling of department store aisles is a progressive move, not as an agenda the ‘Libtards’ (I hate that word) have forced upon our society but as a way to open our horizons. To let boys and girls be kids and play with dolls, trucks, pink puppies or tutus, swords and Nerf guns. Don’t praise the girl for being a Tom Boy, but diss the boy for wanting to play with a doll.
Here’s a link to more about Kristin Beck- Transgender Navy SEAL Kristin Beck; Warrior Princess
Here’s all the craziness Target experienced on their Facebook and Twitter when they made the announcement. Oh, and the guy that posed as a service rep to answer their questions- This Guy Shuts Down Target Gender-Neutral Haters with a Trolly Facebook Account
If you’re one of those people that feel upset or threatened by all this gender neutrality, ask yourself why you feel that way. And then let me respond with Stephanie’s words from her Facebook page- “No one is going to be transported into some sort of reverse Pleasantville where the morality has been removed along with the color and everything is gray and neutral. It really is going to be okay. Promise.”
frugalista blog stop with the stop the wussification of america target haters

It was the best of times… it was the worst of times….

People- does it feel like the end is nigh?

Nigh means near right? With record high temps, a lion killing dentist, women (plural!) dying in police custody, right wing conspiracy theories and Donald Trump, we’re all going bat shit crazy.

Oh, let’s not forget, woman dying in Chinese escalator, man kills ducklings with lawnmower and children left to die in hot cars. Sorry, didn’t mean to be a Debbie Downer on you.

I literally want to scream. I want to bang my head on the table and give up. But I also want to stick my head in the sand and pretend that I don’t know anything.

We’re all angry. Every one of us is seething with something that bothers us. Because we all have stories and experiences, troubles and humiliations. What triggers me might not trigger you.

We need to stop. We need to breathe.

Remember when you were little, and you would watch a special on PBS about the plains of the Serengeti and the dry season. You never had been to Africa so this was interesting. You watched as they did time lapse of the plants and wildlife over the days and weeks. They would talk about the life of the animals, the hunting and dying, the cubs being born. There was even close ups of the insect life. So much detail that you didn’t know existed in this world. Your horizons had just been broadened in your 8 year old brain. You watched that show, thinking you’d be bored because it wasn’t Love Boat, but instead, you were enthralled and asked to stay up past your bed time to finish it.

There was no Internet then. No Google to check out ‘plains of Serengeti’. I still remember that show because it was so revealing, so different to what I had known.

Every now and then when I go about my day of Starbucks, Target runs, cat box scooping, doctor appointments with Emma; I think of the minute details of the world that I don’t even know about. That I know are out there, but I don’t  even have the remote idea of what they’re really like. What sunsets look like below the equator, what winter is at the poles, what suffering a mom feels during famine when she can’t feed her child, let alone vaccinate them.

We are quick to judge on the Internet. We rush to conclusions with what little information we have or has been given to us. Most likely given to us already sliced and diced to be interpreted in a way we don’t know that differs from its original state.

Our anger boils and we think all cops are corrupt. Every Planned Parenthood is selling baby parts. All Mexicans are just rapists and drug dealers.

So instead of jumping to conclusions, I’m going to jump to patience and kindness. I will read things on the Internet and count to ten before I click the share button.

Someone is beaten in police custody? Well of course that person needs to be since they’re in police custody to begin with, they’re probably a low life that found themselves in handcuffs and who cares if they get roughed up a bit? It’s amazing what people conclude from video footage they see on the news.

I posted on my Facebook the other day that the hardest time to be kind to someone, is when they are unkind to you, but that is actually when your kindness means the most.

Kindness isn’t something that’s conditional. It should be unconditional. Like forgiveness and mercy. That may be a little bit New Testament for folks, sorry, but it’s how I was raised.

And I would rather be raised with assuming kindness in this world, than the opposite. And if we can all be kind, even when the person in the grocery store parking lot bumps their cart against your car; then maybe the universe will settle down a bit.

We can think of the Serengeti with all its wildlife, bugs, birds and plants. The details of the world we don’t even know or comprehend may be beyond our scope of knowledge- but that in our small circle of existence, we can set the ripples of compassion out into the universe.

We need to soften our hearts. Because despite all the shit and crap going around us, hardening to it, is not the answer. Hold on to your kindness, your happiness, share it with others.

Start with yourself. Start in your home. Start in the Starbucks parking lot!

Okay, there. Do you feel better? I’m trying. Now go watch kitten videos  or help an old lady cross the street.

frugalista blog it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

To the people who were disgusting on Caitlyn Jenner’s Instagram

This is a rant folks. I can’t stay quiet. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when people are mean. So I have to say something about the way I feel. It just isn’t right that there’s so much hatred. Hatred veiled as either freedom of speech or a religious privilege. I don’t get it.

When Caitlyn Jenner received the Arthur Ashe Award of Courage at the Espys recently, the speech she made was so compelling and compassionate. I am sure that the transgender community was applauding her stand of courage, yes courage.

Not the kind of courage it takes to head in to battle as a service man or woman. Yes, those people ARE heroes. Without question.

Not the kind of courage it takes for a person fighting cancer and knows the treatment is hard and painful, but has no choice otherwise.

It’s the kind of courage after years of being told one thing is the way it’s supposed to be, and then defying those ‘norms’ and stepping out as an individual. It’s the kind of courage that someone decides after 65 years, they want to be the person they felt they always were.

lgbt equality caitlyn jenner

The comments on Caitlyn Jenner’s Instagram post were horrifying. I guess it’s no surprise that folks are put off by an American icon, a former Olympic champion all of a sudden changing genders. But really? Does it require so much hate? I won’t post any of them here. The language and words used are ugly. You can see for yourself in the link I provided, or not and just believe me.

Clearly she deserves the award considering with all the backlash that’s out there, she still steps forward proudly as who she wants to be. That’s called COURAGE folks! She is a hero in the sense of the word for standing up to who she is, and for the others that want to be who they want to be.

I don’t think straight people in this country understand what the LGBT community suffers through constantly. Whether in the past or even now in the present. The bullying, snide remarks, the comments by politicians and lawmakers that degrade them, the struggle to walk down a street and not be picked out for looking effeminate or butch and beaten up. How many times have you heard, “I love the gays, but….” “I have gay friends, I do. But…”

What is different to you, doesn’t need to threaten you. Someone else’s hero status doesn’t take away from another hero’s status.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton is my hero. Susan B Anthony was arrested for voting. She wasn’t allowed so yep, they threw that nice woman in jail. She was quite the activist in those days. Bet you didn’t know that, huh? She lived true to what she believed in, and she made life easier for those that came after her. That’s a hero.

Alice Paul founded the National Women’s Party. These women fought for my right to vote. To be counted. They endured jail, violence, brutality, isolation; all for my right to vote. That’s heroic.

If you thought the scene in Game of Thrones was horrible with Cersei walking naked, and that damn woman and her shame bell, and the crowd being absolutely cruel, then why would you cast insults and sit comfortably at home wishing death or destruction on a person because of their choice on no longer being a man? Should we go back to the medieval days and live in fear or persecution if someone decides they don’t like what you’re doing? “Did you hear, the Jones’ ate meat on Sunday, that’s a sin, we should go burn down their house.”

Caitlyn came forward knowing this would be hard. And she has at least a team of people to help her. She has the financial luxury of security and privacy. She can afford her medications, surgeries and wardrobe.

But for someone in Smalltown, USA who decides they want to do the same, yet they can’t afford any of those things, as well as they need to fear their very life when they step out their door because they’ve put on a dress, or lipstick, whatever; you think that’s okay?

 

People- heroes come in all shapes and sizes. They are the heroes to the people they are standing up for.

The people who want to change their gender are not doing this like they change a tattoo. They want to be happy, to be free with themselves. They aren’t pedophiles or rapists. They don’t troll women’s bathrooms for the thrill.

Gay people being allowed to marry doesn’t take away from your marriage. Just like my right to vote didn’t take away from all the white men voting. Yeah, only white men got to vote for awhile. There was that whole slavery thing.

 

Why is this so hard to understand?

Okay, stepping off my soapbox now. Just remember, what you say is an arrow that can’t be put back in the quiver. What you write, is a stone thrown that can’t be unthrown. Are you part of a solution, or the problem?

Your ideas, beliefs and opinions are not the right ideas, beliefs or opinions. They’re just yours. Just like mine are mine.

And like Caitlyn Jenner said, ‘being different isn’t a bad thing.’

caitlyn jenner speech quotes

caitlyn jenner arthur ashe courage espys lgbt

 

 

 

 

 

How to dress for a summer wedding

how to dress for a summer wedding frugalista blog

When you get an invitation to a friend’s wedding, do you get as excited as me about the prospects of getting a dress for the occasion? Because let’s be honest- that’s really the first thing I think of!

Of course, after my internal good wishes to the happy couple. But next- what to wear???

I probably own at least 20 (ahem, cough-cough) dresses, or more. I haven’t counted. What I know is that I can’t turn down a dress that makes me feel pretty when I try it on. If the 50s came back and ladies wore dresses like Grace Kelly- I’d be set. Not that I WANT to go back to the 50s, oh you know- minus the civil rights, lack of proper birth control and a whole bunch of other stuff… but I digress.

In this modern age of easy to wear fashion and an almost ‘anything-goes’ dress code, I still like to put forth my best effort and wear what makes me happy.

We recently attended a wedding in Hayden Lake, Idaho. The setting was beautiful. It was an after 5 wedding which can mean a number of things: Black Tie and formal. But considering the setting and the possibility of 90+ degree temps, I didn’t know what could happen. And most often a wedding that is Black Tie will indicate on the invitation and our friends had not stated that. But I knew they had impeccable style, so I had to bring my A game. When you receive an invitation and you’re not sure about what to wear; consider not just the setting, weather, and time of day, but the couple’s personal style as well.

I took two dresses with me for the weekend. I had a long chiffon maxi, and a shorter, fit and flare style. I figured it was good measure to have a back up in case we wanted to head to a nice dinner, or meet up with wedding party friends, or guests for any gatherings/cocktails/brunch, etc.  Thankfully, the temps cooled down considerably for our weekend, so I knew what to wear to what.

Our first night in Idaho, McSweetie and I went to dinner just the two of us. It was nice and relaxed, but I still wanted to feel special. So I opted for the fit and flare dress. I lucked out and found this Taylor brand dress at the Nordstrom Rack for a fraction of its full price!! And do I feel like I’m channeling my inner Grace Kelly? Yes!

 

 

 

 

Taylor dress from Nordstrom/ Nordstrom Rack Shoes from Nordstrom and bag from Big Buddha

Taylor dress from Nordstrom/ Nordstrom Rack
Shoes from Nordstrom and bag from Big Buddha

taylor dress collage

 

For the big day, which was a wedding at a country club, I chose the chiffon maxi from Eliza J dresses. Eliza J knows weddings! Whether you’re in a wedding or a guest, mother of the bride or groom, there are so many choices. The floral design of this, with the defined waist and halter shoulders seemed to feel effortless. I loved the color scheme and accessorizing my jewelry and makeup around it was fun too!

 

 

Eliza J dress from Nordstrom, retail $158.00

Eliza J dress from Nordstrom, retail $158.00

 

 

 

 

 

Eliza J dress, wedding, frugalista blog

Sandals from Marshalls, bag is Big Buddha

 

frugalista blog, eliza j dresses, weddings

This backdrop- COME ON!
Earrings, Kate Spade, lipstick- Anastasia of Beverly Hills in Carina

 

So maybe now the next wedding invitation you get in the mail, you’ll have ideas and enthusiasm for dressing up, just as much as I do! Happy wedding season!

Thanks to Eliza J for sending me the dress, thanks to McSweetie and our friends for a fabulous weekend, and thanks to Hayden Lake for being such a gorgeous setting!

 

 

 

Holding down the fort

holding down the fort by frugalista blog

 

McSweetie and I went away for a weekend without the kids. It was nice. I mean, except for the 5 hours of bickering in the car or how he doesn’t wear his seatbelt for the first 30 seconds of driving, WHY? and then his tendency to take 10 minutes to figure out which beer on tap he wants when we order at a restaurant worse than Sally in When Harry Met Sally. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, we had a great weekend. For real.

The kids are 15 and 12. Still too young in my opinion to leave alone over night. Right? I was wondering this and wasn’t sure what the rule was. My kids are mature and have been left alone quite a bit during the day or whenever we go out. But overnight? That seems weird, right?

We had my sister in law and niece stay with them for the first night. They were in town visiting, so I designated them as their babysitters. It worked out great! Thanks Katherine! They got to do fun stuff during the day and then she was the designated adult to stay in the house.

So what if Emma forgot how to turn on the dishwasher and had to text me for directions. That’s a minor detail. Okay. Let’s be real. My kids are really bad at housework. They need constant prodding to do laundry or pick up after themselves. They never clean the cat box, although Emma is really good at looking after her hamster. For 15 and 12, they are behind when it comes to household tasks and knowing how to do them. Is this because I’m a control freak and only like the way I do it? Shhh. We can talk about that another day.

What I’m trying to say here is, I had really low expectations while we were away.

The second night we were away, they slept at my parent’s house. My folks brought them back home before we returned. This was good so that they could let the dog out to pee, and settle in and it saved us a trip to get them.

It was so nice to come home. The kids were greeting us enthusiastically, and even the dog was happy. She was dancing on her back two feet. We hugged and danced in a circle for a bit. And that wasn’t even the best part.

As we settled in, Emma told me that when they got back to the house, Owen emptied the dishwasher and put away the dishes, and she had noticed the dog had a messy backside after going out to poop. Wiping the dog’s butt with paper towels was only making it worse. So she needed to bathe her. She put her in the kitchen sink, which the dog hates, and had to keep her from jumping out. She hollered orders at Owen to grab a big towel (he came back with the largest beach towel ever) and hand her the soap. She said they were a tag team like in surgery. She said it was fun. I was thrilled to hear they didn’t leave the messy dog around with shit smears for me to clean up!

I was impressed! Emptying the dishwasher, and a washed dog? I’m the luckiest girl ever!

Emma shared that once Owen was done in the kitchen, and had finished his dish duty, and the dog was drying, he sat down on the couch and let out a long breath. It must have been from all the messy dog excitement.

He announces: “Being a mom IS the hardest job. I only did one mom thing emptying the dishwasher, and I’m already tired!”

No kidding buddy.

It’s stuff like that that when you hear it, it just makes this whole mothering thing worth it.

Did Emma smack Owen in the arm at dinner when he got in her way over the milk? Yeah. Oh well. Kids are still kids. They are not perfect. But it’s good to know that left to their own, I can count on some things getting done!

We just need to work on the laundry stuff next.

 

An air purifier you need

We are having the worst summer or the best summer, depending on how you look at it. I hate the high temps.  It’s been a solid 3 weeks of 80 degrees and reaching into the 90s here in the great Northwest. I’m DYING. I know that is overly dramatic (ahem, hence my byline) BUT, seriously, this isn’t cool. Knock it off Mother Nature! You’re pissing me off. And the forecast this week is for mid 90s. Seriously. I’m starting to look forward to Christmas at this rate.

We don’t have central air. Most homes in Seattle don’t. If we lived in Texas we’d be sitting pretty because this would seem like average summer weather and we’d have our air conditioning cranking out to keep us cool. Instead, we have fans. And screens. So we wait until 10 o’clock at night when it’s cool and open everything up and blast whatever cooler air there is outside to bring inside. As well as hope and pray that none of the neighbors are using their fire pits which just sends campfire smoke straight into our house. That’s a whole different rant from me!

Thankfully, we have a portable a/c unit in our master bedroom that hooks up to our window and we can run that for a couple of hours to cool off just our room. Owen has been sleeping on the floor with us because his room is still 90 degrees even at 10 pm, and he has a loft bed. That means, he’s 5 feet off the ground and heat rises, so he doesn’t want to sleep up there!

What does this all have to do with an air purifier you ask?

Well. With the ratchet nasty air quality we are having because of the extended heat, that is leaving a hazy film in our sky, AND the constant running of fans and a/c units, my skin and sinuses are not happy.

venta airwasher frugalista blog

This is not me. Duh.

BUT- to the rescue is the Venta Air Washer. What is a Venta Air Washer you ask? Well it’s the finest German engineering for a humidifier and air purifier there is.

venta airwasher frugalista blog

Small, medium, and large. Pick your size, Goldilocks.

My first experience with a humidifier was way back when Emma was 2 and she had the worst croup. It was the first time she was so sick. It was Christmas Eve and I didn’t know what was going on. The doctor said when she coughs like a barking seal, she needs a humidifier in the room she’s sleeping in. I had never used a humidifier before. We went to Rite-Aid and bought one. It was decent, I guess. It had these gauzy filters inside that needed replacing often. If you didn’t replace them, they would mold and then of course, you’re pushing moldy air around and that isn’t healthy! I was grateful for the effects of the humidifier for Emma’s cough, but it was such a pain to maintain. It would get moldy quickly and it was loud.

When the Venta company reached out to me, I was very curious to see their product. We haven’t had croup in this house for years! Yes, I have still considered a humidifier, especially in our room while we sleep to improve the air quality. Now at least allergens, pollen, dust, (even bugs) are getting filtered out without having to even think about them. I don’t know how to explain the saturation of steam in the air as a function of temperature- and if I did, you wouldn’t believe me, right? But I do know that the Venta is pretty freaking simple.

venta airwasher frugalista blog

See the wheels turn and then the fan spins. Got it?

You take it out of the box, add water and plug it in. That’s it. Yes, you have to add water every day. Yes, you do need to clean it out once in awhile, but it’s gosh darn easy.

If your family is in need of something that will work like a Mercedes on the Autobahn to improve your indoor air quality, whether you just want to, or you need to for medical or allergy reasons- check out the Venta Airwasher. It’s ausgezeichnet!

 

I was not paid for this review. I was given product for the purpose of the review only. All words and opinions are my own.

She could have been a doctor, but she’s just my mom – (repost)

Author’s note: I originally posted this last year on my mom’s birthday. It’s her birthday again today and it deserves to be read again. I couldn’t have rewritten it any better.

Love you Mom.

 

 

*******************************

(2014)

It’s my mom’s birthday today. She is 73. Sorry mom. I suppose divulging your age is the first rule of lady code I just broke.

Well, I say wear your age proudly. Because when you’ve lived 73 years and seen what my mom has seen, I think you just throw your hangups about age out the window.

My mom is my compass. She’s my lighthouse in the dark. She is my mom and that’s my everything.

I am probably one of the luckiest humans to have such a woman in their life that breathes into her hope, inspiration and security.

My mom doesn’t have it easy. She takes care of my sister, who is disabled. Mom has had her own bout of hardships. Three joint replacement surgeries, a life saving surgery when her intestine was blocked and she could have died. OH, and she’s a cancer survivor. So, there’s that.

Also, when you’re born in Frankfurt in 1941 you are surrounded by a world at war. To think this little being and many others like her, came in to this world under Germany’s darkest years. But if there’s a light one can not extinguish even during this dark period, it was my mom coming forth. Little Uta. I think she was born speaking and solving problems, but that’s just my admiration for her. I know she was a regular little girl, a person with her own hopes and dreams before she was my mom. It’s hard for us as children to picture our parents as people. I mean, you’re telling me they had lives before they devoted it all to us? Indeed. This is a hard fact for my own children to accept sometimes. When you wear the badge of ‘MOM’ it’s hard to be seen as anything else.

Sure like other children, I have fond memories of the way my mom smelled (Chanel No 5 during the 70s) and the smells of her kitchen too. We would have her homemade pizza every Saturday night. We watched the Muppet Show from our kitchen table my dad built. Kermit was smaller then on the 18 inch color television that wasn’t even remote control yet.

But I also have memories of my mom when I was in high school and college. The morning after a late night out, she would sit on my bed while I would sip a cup of tea she brought me. I’d share details of the night like I would share to a girl friend. I would preface certain stories with, “Okay, you’re not my mom right now, what I’m going to tell you.” And she would listen without raising an eyebrow. She didn’t judge or scoff. Let’s be real though. I was a pretty square kid. I didn’t really drink, I never did drugs, I was usually home by midnight, and my male conquests were theater boys I would crush on from afar only to find out they were gay. Translation- I didn’t get much action in college!

So there really wasn’t a whole lot for her to judge me on anyway. BUT, I still felt comfortable sharing all my funny stories, crazy happenings when there were some, and girl to girl details only other women get.

I remember one time either in my early adult years or when I was still in high school, my mom and I were having a heart to heart. In one of her somewhat bleak moments, she said to me with tears in her eyes, “You know, I could have been a lot of things. Maybe a doctor. Maybe a scientist. But I’m just a mom.”

It broke my heart. How could this woman not be satisfied with anything more than being my mom?! Had she been a career woman and not stayed home with her kids, what would life have been like? Selfishly, I was glad this was all she was. My mom. Our mom.

But I told her that she is more than ‘Just a Mom’. She is patience, and trust, nurture and light. She helps the downtrodden, she advocates for the helpless. She friends the homeless and the addicts. She counsels the stranger she strikes up conversation with.

She is an amazing woman that is more than just a mom. But a person who betters this world just by living in it. She raised me and my brother and sister. She looks after my dad and is his partner of 55 years. She reads and swallows up information by the libraries. She is one of the smartest people I know. She can cook up a pie crust and help you with your 401(k) paperwork. I don’t know how this woman does it.

Did I mention she moved here from Germany when she was 17 after marrying my dad? They had my brother a few years later and within less than 10 years had their own two children and fostered troubled children. Mixed race children in the 60s! They took a road trip with their black foster daughter and their own two children down to Atlanta. The guts they had. This is how my parents live. By example.

So yeah. You turn 73 with 3 grown kids of your own, 4 grandchildren, a husband you’ve been married to for 55 years; you wear that age proudly.

And mom,  if you ever think you’re ‘just a mom’ and there was something else you could have been, think for a minute the lives you’ve touched. The ripple effect of what your living has created. How there should be more people like you that are as selfless, reliable and loving. I have never been more proud of you to just be my mom.

Happy birthday.

 

She could have been a doctory but she's just my mom by Frugalista Blog

My mom in the 1950s.

Is anyone even listening anymore?

Frugalista Blog Is Anyone Even Listening Anymore?

photo from Google images via brandisre-designed.blogspot

I love social media. I do. I admit. I am on my Instagram all the time. I’m checking out what people are commenting on my Facebook page, I definitely check my comments on my YouTube channel often! But it’s pretty self serving. I want to see what people are saying to me, or about me. Did they read this post or that? Did they click ‘like’ on my picture?

Then I scroll through Facebook and the news several times a day. It’s all rather depressing. I thought the country was pretty divided back in ’04 when Bush first sent us into Iraq and folks were pissed off about that. You either were for the war and patriotic, or against it and treasonous. Or so it seemed. Social media barely existed back then.

Now we’re no different. We squabble about gun control and civil rights. I scratch my head and look at the calendar. Yep, 2015. And we haven’t evolved.

In fact, it’s worse. And I’m probably guilty of it too. Here’s how it works: You hear something awful happened. You post the news articles about it. Then a few days pass and the bloggers start writing their opinions and trying to get clicks on their site. There’s always a ‘this’ side and a ‘that’ side. You’re either on ‘this’ side, or you’re on ‘that’ side.

Something as straight forward as a church shooting in South Carolina has divided people. An evil act committed by a white person against black people, for the sole reason that they were black, and nothing more, is still bringing about argument. How is there any arguing? What is there to argue?!

Then there’s the Confederate Flag. Well, I guess by geography and ideology, I’m a Yankee. So what do I know about the Confederate Flag? When I was a kid, I just thought it’s what decorated the General Lee, the car driven by Bo and Luke Duke in the Dukes of Hazard. When I grew up, I knew it represented the South in the Civil War. But I didn’t put much thought into it.

Not until this week. The more and more I read about the history of that flag upsets me that it’s 2015, and states IN OUR UNITED States of America, still fly that flag high and are PROUD of it. What are you proud of?

The indentured servitude of a race of people that worked for free to for the success of the white plantation owner? Oh well, there were some nice plantation owners, and gosh darn, they housed and fed these people, so you know, how bad could it be? **bangs head against desk.

There’s this period of history called World War 2. Remember that? This guy Hitler invaded most of Europe and killed more than 6 million Jews in the attempt to rid this world of non blue-eyed white people (more or less). They flew a flag called a Swastika. If you think the Swastika and the Confederate flag are different, then you clearly haven’t read enough history.

Sorry. I got side tracked on my opinion of things. I realize that. I just feel an oppression of any race or religion is something that doesn’t need to be argued or defended. There’s right and there’s wrong, and that’s wrong.

So back to my original title of this blog post. Is anyone even listening anymore?

And it’s not even the Charleston tragedy that makes for debate. Let’s talk about Obamacare, gun control, immigration, gay marriage, transgenders, trophy hunting, vegan diets, police brutality….

How many things do you see in the news and your Facebook feed a day? How many come from headlines that are trying to make you read and feel something? What’s the source of the story?

You see the headline, click on the story and feel your blood rise. Your pulse quickens. It strikes to the very base of what you believe either for it or against it. When you share the article on your own news feed, are you telling people, “this is how I feel, take it or leave it”, or are you saying “I hope you read this and gain a new perspective”?

Everyone is talking, but no one is listening.

You can get people riled up over sunscreen. Yeah. Sunscreen. Mention you are wearing SPF at the beach and people are either for you because they have had a bout with a sketchy mole, or you get the folks telling you that you need Vitamin D and sunscreen is toxic. Want to mention you brought your kids to the doctor and had them vaccinated? Or forget that. It’s just going to start an argument that vaccines cause developmental delays or Autism. Big pharma can’t be trusted. I mean, come on. They’re just LETTING us die of cancer to make money. Everyone knows hemp and carrot juice cures cancer.

Climate change is fake. It’s Al Gore’s mission to take over the world with Leonardo DiCaprio and other Prius driving celebrities. Forget about category 5 hurricanes and drought. We don’t need to worry about Florida falling in the ocean in 100 years. Go on. Burn those fossil fuels. But wait, I drive a 12 year old minivan. Is that bad?

I don’t eat meat but I like Doritos. Am I contributing to the destruction of society by supporting Frito Lay?

I feel like anything I do or say is going to be argued against. And sure, I speak up and spout off about things I care about. And I’m sure the person arguing with me cares about their perspective too. We all have a story, we all have a point of view.

The kids and I met President Obama last year. Pretty cool. But not everyone thought it was cool. I get that. But hey, be happy for us because we were happy. I don’t care what you think of the guy (well, I kind of do. I would think you would respect his office and his position, but well… I’ve seen a lot of the opposite lately.) at least scroll on by, or just be polite. It’s one of those things we do as grown ups.

But if you disagree with something on Facebook, or anywhere for that matter, do you have to say anything really? What if you just ignored it? Conversation and discourse is great. But it’s only productive when it’s done with sensitivity, compassion, and intelligence. Lately, I’ve done a lot of scrolling!

You’re never going to bring a person to Jesus by banging them on the head with a Bible. Right? So switch it up. Think for the other side once in awhile.

Maybe this blog today isn’t making a lot of sense. Maybe it’s rambling and whiny. I guess I’m just tired. Tired of no one listening.