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I’m being a bit of an ass hole this holiday

frugie blog being an ass hole

It’s the week of Christmas and I’m pretty much panicking. The presents need to be wrapped. Some still need to be bought. I have all of my 75 or so cards to be addressed and posted. Some need to be sent overseas, so that requires a trip to the post office- WHICH I ABHOR!

So I’m feeling panicked.

And then I had a reality check.

I’m an ass hole.

I’m worried about the abundance around me when others have hardly enough.

There’s my friend Beth. She’s the one with Stage IV metastatic breast cancer. I’m sure in her mind she’s wondering if this is her last Christmas with her kids. Especially since just this week she lost 5 or so friends of her’s in the metastatic community. Not to mention the jerk face guy from Komen who basically walked away from her when she asked him for more dedicated funding for research. I would say Beth isn’t worried about Christmas cards. (

I have a cousin Clare, also stage IV breast cancer. It’s not often you know two people who are dying from the same disease. We wish for more time at Christmas to get everything done. They’re just wishing for more time period.

When the song on the radio comes on, “I’ll be Home For Christmas” by Josh Groban, and the men and women stationed overseas serving our country leave recorded messages to their loved ones back home, I can’t help but cry. They know it’s their duty. They serve and protect no matter what. But missing out on your kids’ Christmas morning would break my heart. And they do it. They are our heroes.

We tell ourselves that we only need to do so much. That it’s okay if the  cookies don’t get baked or the packages get sent late. But deep down we’re still resenting our lack of over achievement. We look at Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook and think, ‘why can’t I do that?’ We look at damn Elf on the Shelf set ups and smack ourselves on the head for forgetting that damned Elf for the second night in a row.

So I know what it feels like when we let our self loathing seep in to cloud our supposed Christmas joy. And here I’m telling you once again how to look past the minutia to remember the important things. Right?

I’m not preaching. I’m just trying to give myself a kick in the pants.

There’s a lot I didn’t do. I didn’t attend church this season. That bothers me because I love the Advent time. I just had interruptions or things going on that prevented me from getting up early on those Sunday mornings. I didn’t give to the Giving Tree this year either since I wasn’t there to collect the tags. But I’m also freaking out about my own bank account. Which is dumb since we have all that we need, but yet, it still seems to end up with more month than money as the days go by.

However, there’s a lot I did do.

I got up at 5 every morning to get Emma off to choir. I got the tree up, the gifts bought, the house in order and still continued working on my YouTube channel. Which, hello? is like a job. It is my job. As much as people wonder what the heck it is I do, that’s what I do. I didn’t have a complete melt down-throw-myself-on-the-floor-freak-out, even though I wanted to. Which hey- that’s something right??

And the best part- Emma is world’s better than she was at this time last year. We had visits to the ER for chronic pain, we missed out on things like choir concerts, visits to Santa, and hanging out with friends. She missed school, she was miserable. Not this year. She’s babysitting, singing, decorating, wrapping, going to school, giving me all the sass she can!! And I am so grateful for it. It really is last year’s Christmas wish come true. So what if it’s 12 months late.

Here’s my advice for managing these next couple days.

Pick one thing. Pick the thing that gives you joy, that you can send all your positive energy to that says, ‘this is Christmas. This is how I will remember the season and embrace it.’

Give yourself the allowance to not get everything done. To lasso your sanity or whatever is left of it by letting things off your list. Watch frickin’ Hallmark Channel movies. These completely help me forget all my troubles. And then remember again how dirty my house is and why I can’t wear heels in snow.

I’m embracing the children I have who are healthy, the roof over my head, and the husband that hogs the covers.

My Christmas memories as a child are the feeling I had in my house with my parents- feeling cozy, feeling safe. I remember Cabbage Patch dolls and Barbies, sure. But I remember the cups of tea my dad made, the goose my mom cooked that filled the house with savory scents that if I smell today, takes me back to 1978. We didn’t have fancy trips to the city to see the Nutcracker. Or big parties to attend and lavish gifts. We had each other. I remember the hand made matching Christmas outfits for me and my sister! Mom was very good with a sewing machine and a Butterick pattern.

Our children will remember how they felt. Not what they didn’t get.

They will remember the joy you gave them just by not losing your shit.


Boots Beauty USA No7 Giveaway!- Closed

Boots Beauty USA giveaway frugalista blog mybestskin

If you follow my blog or YouTube channel, you know that I am a skin care addict. I’m always on the hunt for the best skin care money can buy.

Okay, preferably, small money. I can’t walk into Neimans and drop $500 on an eye cream. I don’t know if there were to ever come a day that if I could afford that, I would actually spend that much. Wait. Yep. Yes I would. Not gonna lie. If I could afford it, and it was bottled, I would put goat spit on my face if it promised wonderous results. Or maybe something more luxurious, like myrrh or gold. Yes, platinum. I will bathe in platinum when I get to be Gwyneth Paltrow rich. Yay me. [Read more…]

Mother/Daughter Bean Boozled Challenge

Oh boy! Did you know about these jelly beans called Bean Boozled? It’s like Bertie Botts Every Flavor beans from Harry Potter with flavors like ear wax and pencil shavings. Only these Bean Boozled taste like vomit, grass clippings and skunk spray. Not all at once, thankfully.bean boozled challenge mother/daughter



So you don’t know this, but Emma has a vomit phobia. It’s a legit thing called Emetophobia. I know that you’re probably thinking, who does like vomit? Well, no one. Hopefully. But, Emma’s phobia brings her into panic in different situations. Let’s say a classmate gets sick nearby, this would put her into full-on panic mode.  I would have to pick her up from school sometimes because it would make her feel so awful. She would psych herself into feeling sick and nauseous herself. [Read more…]

Halloween Makeup Tutorial – 20s style inspiration

Halloween for the makeup enthusiast is a bit like a Superbowl of fun and excuse to bring your best game. Hmm, no sports puns please, Frugie, we’re talking about makeup.
20s makeup tutorial, flapper makeup and hair, great gatsby inspired looks

It’s like the Oscars or the Cannes film festival to the film buff. You can play and play and play to your heart’s content and not be accused of going overboard! Want to make a zipper face? Do it! Feel like making an exposed eyeball- hmm, let me look that up on Pinterest!

However, I just created a very simple 20s inspired makeup and hair look for you. Nothing gross. Unless you don’t like it, then I can’t help you. But maybe you like Candy Corn, so you’re nothing to me anyway. [Read more…]

My Perfect Body

Frugalista Blog My Perfect Body

Here I go, taking off my clothes again for my blog.

I know. But bare (bear?) with me!

We are flooded with images of amazing bodies and then even when sometimes a body is not so amazing, there’s a barrage of comments to follow that are cruel and degrading. Sometimes from ourselves, sometimes from others.

As we put ourselves more and more out there- especially in the land of YouTube and social media, the scrutiny becomes even more so. [Read more…]

10 Ways Autumn is Awesome AF

10 ways Autumn is Awesome by Frugalista Blog

For those not in the loop, ‘AF’ means,’As F**k’.

So when something is really cool, awesome, or wonderful, if you put ‘AF’ on the end, you’ll be one of the cool kids. Sorry to be so blunt. I gotta throw around some major street cred, I’m serious here. Fall is Awesome. Say it with me, “Awesome AS F***.” Maybe because it leads into Christmas, maybe because it actually relieves me of the heat rash on my feet from the entire month of August, but it’s just the best. And here’s why. [Read more…]

Makeup dupes for you!

It’s long over due that I provide you with a Dupes post. Makeup dupes.

I’ve made a YouTube video on my YouTube channel (are you subscribed? You should be!) of all the latest dupes I have scouted out for you. Finding dupes is hard work. First you buy all the high end stuff. Then you go to the drugstore and look at things that look like the luxury brands, buy them and take them home and try things out over and over to see which ones are actual replicas of the luxury products. Doesn’t this sound so budget friendly and cost effective?

I’m being sarcastic of course. But truthfully, usually I stumble across the dupes in my ‘research’ (that’s code for hours at Ulta and Sephora and Walgreens) and then test them out and get all excited and want to share them with you, my viewers/readers. [Read more…]

When you sh** your pants at Tiffany’s

First of all, I’d like to clarify that I wasn’t the one who did the pants shitting. It was Emma. Second, this was last year and not when she was in diapers. Third, she gave me permission to tell her story. Because she’s awesome and it’s funny.

Forgive me, but there’s some back story here. I want to give a quick run down of how I have always wanted a little something something from Tiffany’s. You know, the fancy American jeweler with the little blue box. Dammit all- they have good packaging. And marketing. Because Audrey Hepburn wasn’t in a movie called Breakfast at Ben Bridge. Or Breakfast at the Sear’s jewelry department. When there’s a movie called Breakfast at Tiffany’s, it sort of makes the place iconic. Not sort of. It does. [Read more…]

We need to stop with the ‘stop the wussification’ of America bull sh*t

If you want to start a shit storm, have a major retailer tell folks that they are changing the signs in their stores. Not the merchandise. Not their employee benefits, not even the availability of Frozen merchandise at Christmas. But THE SIGNAGE.

So Target last week changed the signs in their bedding and toy departments. Now instead of the signs reading “Girl’s Bedding” or “Boy’s Bedding”, it just says “Bedding”. Because I think we can just decide what bedding we want to buy regardless of gender, right?

Ha! Well according to middle America, this has got to stop. What has to stop, you ask? The Wussification of America. According to many comments, both on the Target website, AND my friend Stephanie at Binkies and Briefcases, if you take away gender labeling, you are pushing the agenda of the Transgender community. And this is bad. Because then we end up as he/she’s or Shims, or Herms or whatever, or also known as being WUSSIES.

NEWSFLASH- a wuss has nothing to do with the GENDER IN YOUR PANTS!! OR SKIRT!!

If you are a wuss you are weak. Because what makes things like, countries, strong? DEFINED MEN AND WOMEN! None of this gender generalness people! (sarcasm font)

The definition of a wuss, according to the Google, is

noun: wuss; plural noun: wusses
  1. 1.
    a weak or ineffectual person (often used as a general term of abuse).
verb: wuss; 3rd person present: wusses; past tense: wussed; past participle: wussed; gerund or present participle: wussing
  1. 1.
    fail to do or complete something as a result of fear or lack of confidence.
    “she’ll probably wuss out because she fears my mighty bowling prowess”
Huh. Well look at that. Wuss is a general term of abuse. Interesting.
Angry customers messaged Target that they would not pander to their buckling under the LGBT agenda. They are going to Walmart to buy their kids’ bikes. Because Walmart clearly labels GIRL bikes and BOY bikes. Obviously you want to shop in the right aisles and not just say to your kids, ‘oh look, bikes. Let’s pick one out you like.’
Now folks are concerned that clothing will no longer be gender specified. It’s true people. Target is going to start a revolution of burlap onesies that are so gender neutral, we won’t know who we’re attracted to anymore. It’s going to be so confusing!!
The problem I have with this term, “the wussification of America” is not just the Confederate flag in the profile picture of the person using the comment, <ahem> but the fact that strength and worth come from defined genders. And that folks are worried that if more and more people express their gender neutrality that we will become weak.
Is it because in order to be strong you have to be a predominant testosteroned male that only wears camouflage, and votes Republican, drives a truck and owns a gun? No. Because that is a stereotype people. And stereotypes, despite having truth to them, generalize a person away from what actually makes them who they are. Because we’re all different. And different is good.
Let me ask the folks that are worried about Target’s lack of labeling, is this a wuss folks?
kristin beck navy seal transgender
That’s Kristin Beck, the Navy Seal who served for 20 years and then retired and transitioned to female. I wouldn’t call her a wuss. How many death threats do you think she’s gotten? She stands up for others that want to transition because she knows they are harassed, threatened, and even murdered based on their gender preferences.
Was Matthew Shepherd a wuss when he was tied to a fence post and beaten to death for being gay? He was such a small-framed young man. His attackers were angry with his lack of masculinity, his gayness, so they killed him. What kind of wusses were they?
Stop it America.
Stop calling people weak based on how they prefer to dress, wear their hair or who they love.
Standing up for what you believe in without putting down others is what makes a strong person. Defending the weak is strong. Facing adversity with courage against the odds is heroic.
The labeling of department store aisles is a progressive move, not as an agenda the ‘Libtards’ (I hate that word) have forced upon our society but as a way to open our horizons. To let boys and girls be kids and play with dolls, trucks, pink puppies or tutus, swords and Nerf guns. Don’t praise the girl for being a Tom Boy, but diss the boy for wanting to play with a doll.
Here’s a link to more about Kristin Beck- Transgender Navy SEAL Kristin Beck; Warrior Princess
Here’s all the craziness Target experienced on their Facebook and Twitter when they made the announcement. Oh, and the guy that posed as a service rep to answer their questions- This Guy Shuts Down Target Gender-Neutral Haters with a Trolly Facebook Account
If you’re one of those people that feel upset or threatened by all this gender neutrality, ask yourself why you feel that way. And then let me respond with Stephanie’s words from her Facebook page- “No one is going to be transported into some sort of reverse Pleasantville where the morality has been removed along with the color and everything is gray and neutral. It really is going to be okay. Promise.”
frugalista blog stop with the stop the wussification of america target haters

It was the best of times… it was the worst of times….

People- does it feel like the end is nigh?

Nigh means near right? With record high temps, a lion killing dentist, women (plural!) dying in police custody, right wing conspiracy theories and Donald Trump, we’re all going bat shit crazy.

Oh, let’s not forget, woman dying in Chinese escalator, man kills ducklings with lawnmower and children left to die in hot cars. Sorry, didn’t mean to be a Debbie Downer on you.

I literally want to scream. I want to bang my head on the table and give up. But I also want to stick my head in the sand and pretend that I don’t know anything.

We’re all angry. Every one of us is seething with something that bothers us. Because we all have stories and experiences, troubles and humiliations. What triggers me might not trigger you.

We need to stop. We need to breathe.

Remember when you were little, and you would watch a special on PBS about the plains of the Serengeti and the dry season. You never had been to Africa so this was interesting. You watched as they did time lapse of the plants and wildlife over the days and weeks. They would talk about the life of the animals, the hunting and dying, the cubs being born. There was even close ups of the insect life. So much detail that you didn’t know existed in this world. Your horizons had just been broadened in your 8 year old brain. You watched that show, thinking you’d be bored because it wasn’t Love Boat, but instead, you were enthralled and asked to stay up past your bed time to finish it.

There was no Internet then. No Google to check out ‘plains of Serengeti’. I still remember that show because it was so revealing, so different to what I had known.

Every now and then when I go about my day of Starbucks, Target runs, cat box scooping, doctor appointments with Emma; I think of the minute details of the world that I don’t even know about. That I know are out there, but I don’t  even have the remote idea of what they’re really like. What sunsets look like below the equator, what winter is at the poles, what suffering a mom feels during famine when she can’t feed her child, let alone vaccinate them.

We are quick to judge on the Internet. We rush to conclusions with what little information we have or has been given to us. Most likely given to us already sliced and diced to be interpreted in a way we don’t know that differs from its original state.

Our anger boils and we think all cops are corrupt. Every Planned Parenthood is selling baby parts. All Mexicans are just rapists and drug dealers.

So instead of jumping to conclusions, I’m going to jump to patience and kindness. I will read things on the Internet and count to ten before I click the share button.

Someone is beaten in police custody? Well of course that person needs to be since they’re in police custody to begin with, they’re probably a low life that found themselves in handcuffs and who cares if they get roughed up a bit? It’s amazing what people conclude from video footage they see on the news.

I posted on my Facebook the other day that the hardest time to be kind to someone, is when they are unkind to you, but that is actually when your kindness means the most.

Kindness isn’t something that’s conditional. It should be unconditional. Like forgiveness and mercy. That may be a little bit New Testament for folks, sorry, but it’s how I was raised.

And I would rather be raised with assuming kindness in this world, than the opposite. And if we can all be kind, even when the person in the grocery store parking lot bumps their cart against your car; then maybe the universe will settle down a bit.

We can think of the Serengeti with all its wildlife, bugs, birds and plants. The details of the world we don’t even know or comprehend may be beyond our scope of knowledge- but that in our small circle of existence, we can set the ripples of compassion out into the universe.

We need to soften our hearts. Because despite all the shit and crap going around us, hardening to it, is not the answer. Hold on to your kindness, your happiness, share it with others.

Start with yourself. Start in your home. Start in the Starbucks parking lot!

Okay, there. Do you feel better? I’m trying. Now go watch kitten videos  or help an old lady cross the street.

frugalista blog it was the best of times, it was the worst of times