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Rejoicing in normal

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Well folks. A lot has been happening. And I’ve been keeping it secret. Not because I wanted to not share with you, but because I didn’t want to get it ‘out there’ and then deal with it before I could deal with it. Make sense? No. Sorry.

This will explain things.

Last week I had a biopsy. My PAP a few weeks ago came back abnormal from my annual gyno visit. You know how I love those! And they used the term ‘glandular’ cells and said they needed to biopsy my cervix and my uterus to determine the reason. You know where my head went. Cancer.

I started to panic slightly. My heart beat faster, my gut churned, and I felt the need to go to the bathroom. I started to silently cry while driving in the car with Owen since my doctor called me on my cell phone and that’s where we were when I took the call.

I tried to play it cool and put on a poker face for him and Emma. I tried to talk myself into the fact that it’s just routine and lots and lots of women get abnormal PAP results and they don’t end up with cancer.

But let’s be honest. This is what was racing through my head- my mom is a uterine cancer survivor. You know that once there’s a history there’s a chance, right?

Also, the thought of a biopsy down in my tenders didn’t sound pleasant at all. It sounded downright scary. Frankly, I’m sick and tired of all things female down there. I’ve been to my gynecologist 5 times in the last 3 months. I’ve seen family members less than my doctor.

I had recently gotten the IUD a month ago. It’s going to help, we hope, with my ovary that is stuck to my uterus. They think it’s Endometriosis. So the tiny dose of Progesterone released from the IUD will suppress the Endometriosis and I will be pain free each month. Versus the opposite, which is spending my Aunt Flo time curled in a  ball with a hot pad.

Since the PAP was taken recently after the IUD insertion (which by the way was a little like getting a root canal without novacane, but more on that later) I was hoping that would be the explanation for the abnormal results.

So last week, I celebrated my birthday. Yay. And then the next day I went in for the test. Ew. I was so nervous. My mom knew and McSweetie knew. They were my support. I didn’t tell any girlfriends really, because life is crazy and what’s one more thing to worry about for them- right?

I did however reach out to some internet friends. Sometimes it’s easier typing a question to people you are used to seeing in your computer than sharing things with childhood friends. Sorry, it just is. ANYWAY…. so many of them had gone through the SAME THING!!

They too had LEEPS and ECCs and all came back fine.

Once I was able to feel like I wasn’t the only woman on the planet who had a wonky cervix and uterus, I started to feel better.

Hearing that they survived the procedures, some even saying it was no big deal in terms of pain or discomfort, put me at ease.

So off I went to my appointment. Nervous as hell and feeling like I wanted to run out of there. But I didn’t. I did it and lived through it like a champ. I also felt like I deserved a brand new pair of Leboutins or a Marc Jacobs purse, but I didn’t splurge. I did, however, get a soy green tea frappaccino with whipped cream.

And then I waited…. and waited… and waited.  A whole week. A whole week of faking it on the outside and freaking out on the inside.

Biopsies are a modern day mind fuck. There’s cancer all around me with friends and family and I’m sick and tired of it. I thought, could I be next?

When my phone rang yesterday, and it was the doctor on my caller ID, I said a quick prayer, more like, “Help me Jesus”. Funny, I was driving, again! All this carpooling kids’ activities this summer is ridiculous.

It was the nurse calling me, (good news, right? Doctors only call with bad news, right?) and I heard this, “Your lab results from the Endometrium and Cervical biopsies of the blah blah blah blah blah blah (seriously, it was like a Peanuts cartoon, I couldn’t comprehend her words, she was speaking clearly, but my mind was racing) have all come back, NORMAL.”

Cue tears of joy.

And then my stomach dropped again, my heart raced, and I felt light-headed from the relief. I played it cool and thanked the nurse. She said to be glad and know that we’ll just do another PAP next year and not to worry.

Praise Jesus!!

Seriously. I said a million thank yous to God and called McSweetie and my mom. They both were so relieved.

So what is the moral of this story?

Get your PAPs done. That’s first and foremost. And if you need any followup procedures- do it. AND, you are not alone.

Once I shared with other women what I’d been through, so many of them had been through the same thing. Sure it’s personal and private and doesn’t feel like something you want to go blabbing about. But we talk about pushing children down our canals, surely we can talk about gynecological health and early detection, right? The same way we talk about self breast exams, we can talk about cervical biopsies.

Really ladies, you’re not alone. Speculum fist bumps all around. Damn things- if I see another one before next year, I swear to ……

Okay, peace out- my normal cervix and uterus and I are going shoe shopping.





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  1. So glad to hear that, girl!! I know what you went through, I had an abnormal PAP years ago before 15 was born, found out it was due to precancerous cells, had cryosurgery done, then had to go back to the gyno every 6 months for 3 years. Thank God the cryosurgery took care of things but again, that WAS 15 years ago. Who’s to say what happened before won’t happen again? That’s why I go regularly for my PAPs.

    And I totally agree about talking to people about things like this. It always makes me feel a million times better knowing that I’m NOT going through something like this alone. It just helps to know that others have dealt with it and to hear their perspective on things.

    • Thank you Teri! So glad you are okay and it was caught early. Here’s to modern medicine and continuing advances. Cheers!

  2. Yay!!!! I’ve been thinking about you all week … Didn’t want to ask bc I wanted you to be able to share however you wanted. So … Now I’m happy dancing for you 😀 woohoo!!

    I can relate to the stress. I have wonky bewbies that cause me to worry with new bumps and lumps. I’ve been getting regular mammos starting at 35 … Except that most of those years I’ve had more than one to check on whatever oddities they found. Nerve wracking. So, I’m totally with ya … And right on board about preventive care and staying on top of that.

    I’ll toast your normal cervix this afternoon!!! 🙂

    • Thank you chickie!! I was going to email you. We have to stay on top of all our lady business health. Wishing you future healthy bewbies.

  3. Isn’t it funny how hearing someone else had the exact same thing makes me breathe easier? All of those procedures are crazy scary. Something about internal/girly parts/cancer is beyond terrifying. Happy to hear the results. I had it, too. But I go every 6 months now. And on Monday, the “girls” are getting the red carpet treatment for my first ever mammogram. Can’t wait for the fun.

    • The mammogram wasn’t so bad for me. Hope it goes well for you. Anytime there’s something involved with my nethers, I twinge. Glad it’s over. Take care!

  4. OK…so I had to get to the bottom to read the word “normal”….as well!!!! So glad all is well. Don’t u just hate the waiting game. It is so darn hard on a person. Hope you didn’t get any grey hair from all this. 🙂 Just so glad to hear all is well. Take care and take care 🙂

  5. I feel your elation, Sister!! Cone biopsy for wonk PAP in ’95, normal. Biopsy of cervix (hurt like a mother and sounded like pieces of Silly Putty being snapped off…really wanted to puke) in ’09..NORMAL. I have overactive bladder and what with all the peeing, wiping, acidity, ph..blah blah blah..the girlie bits get irritated and it shows as abnormal on a PAP. I would sit by my girls’ beds and cry, convinced I was leaving them orphans..it really takes a year off your life. If you were here I would totally hug your uterus and cervix. But I would buy you dinner first.

  6. I’m SO glad you’re okay!!!!!!! Health scares are NOT fun, and for some reason, they become a million times scarier once you become a mom. So glad it worked out. Hopefully this means you’ll be doing some more make-up tutorials soon?! xoxoxoxo

    • Thank you! Don’t twist my arm- makeup tutorials? My favorite! I would do them every day if my kids weren’t under foot. I promise one soon!

  7. You are definitely NOT alone! I’m doin’ a lop-sided happy dance for you and smiling hugely, knowing the relief those words bring.
    And speculum fist bump? Priceless!

  8. Jennifer Bell says:

    I went through this several times before discovering that a medication I was on can cause abnormal paps. Glad yours all worked out ok!

  9. A note of caution. I had a normal PAP, no symptoms, and still had an advanced endometrial cancer. Very thankful for cautious and observant doctors and regular routine checkups.
    Still feel the relief of your good news update, that good feeling will last a while! xox

  10. So glad you got good news!!!!

  11. Cervix bumps all around!

  12. So glad you have a new “normal!” The biopsy thing and the waiting are so hard, but there are so many of us in that most annoying club. If you ever need a breast biopsy, feel free to email me. I can talk you through it. It ain’t so bad!