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Smorgasbord

On today’s blog menu : Smorgasbord. Of the writing kind. There is no lingonberries or pickled herring. My apologies. Or, you’re welcome.

I have so much floating around in my head, I need to just get it all down. It’s like a solar flare in my brain. This must be why.

It goes something like this:

Birth control

Ugandan child rebel armies

Revlon color stay nail polish

Lindsay Lohan

Downton Abbey

See?? I told you!! What a mess. Please tell me I’m normal.

So the whole Douche Limbaugh birth control story got me fired up last week. Read here.. And then it was still in my craw this week. We are so seriously fucked up in this country that big Pharma gets billions of dollars for a guy to get his wanker up and we (females) get chastised if we don’t prefer to get our uterus inseminated. Millions of women go on birth control for dozens of reasons. To be perfectly honest, I was prescribed the Pill at a very young age to help stall the endometriosis that was wreaking havoc on my uterine wall. Because of the Pill, I have two beautiful children. After their births, I continued on the pill for some time to help the dysmenorrhea that plagued me and because, news flash- we were done having kids!

The world is different now. We can’t all just blaze a trail of procreation and have 7 kids each. Am I right? The Duggars are not my ideal. Can you imagine if we all had 20 kids? If you think there’s a problem now in our overcrowded world, then just wait.

Also- my pregnancies were both riddled with risks and problems. For myself and my children. I don’t want preeclampsia or preterm labor any more. Twice was good enough, thanks. If I die from kidney failure on my fifth kid, that doesn’t help the family much, does it?

I’m being really brazen here I know. But let’s not mince our words. Some of us like being pregnant and some of us think it’s seriously God’s vengeance on Eve. I’m in the latter in case you haven’t noticed.

So Rush- STFU! And by the way, I’m working on that sex video you wanted Sandra Fluke to post. It’s really good. (I’m totally kidding.) (Maybe.)

Then there’s the KONY 2012 video that is sweeping the world.

My take:

Yes- we need to stop Ugandan children from being pulled out of their beds at night and made into guerilla war pawns. We need to stop this from happening in ALL African countries.

We need to do our research and see what charities and organizations can be the most effective in this. Maybe it is the Invisible Children organization. Maybe it’s a different one. Some say it’s a scam. Some say it’s contrived and not worth the money and rates low on Charity Navigator. (like here) and (and here).  I will say this- Lisa Ling doesn’t self promote her documentaries she does for National Geographic and the Discovery Channel. This guy doing this movie seems a little pious in his zeal for his social network experiment to put him on the map. I might be wrong. But then again – he’s literally there in Africa doing something. SOMETHING. Not just sitting on a comfy couch blogging about it. Do what feels right. Not what the band wagon is riding on.

Revlon Color Stay Nail Color- I know, WTF? right? This is how my brain works. I’m worrying about orphans in Africa while doing my nails.

I am a self professed product whore (not THAT kind Rush), and I love me a shellac manicure. But they are EXPENSIVE. So I found Revlon has a new nail polish that says it has the same qualities as a gel manicure when used in conjunction with their base and top coats. And I will say <<applause>> they are kind of right. At about 6 bucks a bottle, this polish is a champ for staying put for at least a few days. Not 11 days like the ad says. But normally, my polish non-shellac kind, lasts about 24 hours. Revlon Color Stay Nail Polish.

Lindsay. Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay (sigh, shakes head). You are just not ready for the big leagues. Props to you for getting permission from the judge to leave town on your probation. (Snort, cough, did I just write that?) But you can’t pull of Saturday Night Live looking at the queue cards the whole time with your Restalyn injected face frozen into a half-smirk. If it wasn’t for Kristen Wiig in your major skits, you would’ve bombed worse than you already did. Try again another time sweetie.

(courtesy, crushable.com) This was super funny, despite L.LO being in it.

Downton Abbey- since when is Masterpiece Theater the shit? And I mean the shizzle, off the chain, Lord Grantham is in da house dawgs. Okay, was that too much Snoop Dogg circa 2002?

It’s just I love period pieces and I love snarky British people. It’s all Upstairs Downstairs 2012. It just captures the essence of what it’s like to be privileged, wealthy and cared for. OR, hard working indentured servant. Okay, they aren’t indentured. But I can’t decide more which group of folks I like better. The snappy hard ass Gran mama played by Maggie Smith? Or the conniving bitch of a maid Mrs O’Brien. It’s all just SO GOOD.

(courtesy pbs.org) Oh Maggie. You delight and surprise me every episode.

Mrs. O'brien, you are as classic a bitch as they come. (courtesy dailymail.uk)

Well, there you have it. My smorgasbord for the week. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I think I might go do some calculus or something. And by calculus, I mean, watch Bravo TV and catch up on my DVR.

Holla!

P.S.

There’s a contest on Circle of Moms going on right now for the top 25 funny moms. I think I qualify. If you do too- click over on the badge to the right and vote for me. You can vote once a day and you can vote for other blogs too. I sure as hell ain’t gonna win, but if I made it in the top 25, my boat would sure float. Thanks!

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Comments

  1. Great post….now post the pic of Maggie Smith on fb….it is fabulous…..

  2. Is there such a thing as colour-stay nail polish? I’ve so far disproved the theory of stay-on lipstick. Let me know 🙂

    Oh, and yeh, ditto to the serious stuff 🙂 Maybe we should spend less time on Twitter and more time doing something in the real word. You can’t eat a hash tag.

  3. Wonderfully entertaining! I voted for you but I don’t care whether or not you make the top 25 (however, I know that you do, as would I) and I eagerly await each new post. Keep on trucking, mama!

  4. Christopher W. Tipper says:

    And you missed a chance to link Douche-baugh to Uganda. Remember a month or so ago the President said he was going to send Special Forces in to deal with the “Lord’s Resistance Army”? He had his boxers in a wad because the President was sending American forces overseas to kill Christians. Right. Did he even spend 2 seconds double checking what the Lord’s Resistance Army meant? NOOOOO.

  5. great post F. you rant girrl. continue…

  6. I voted! Lindsay Lohan makes me so sad. Someone needs to get her away from the injections and the hair dye. She was such a beautiful girl.