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No more excuses

With snowpocalypse, snowmaggeddon, and clusterfuck 2012 now over, there’s no more excuses. I have to get shit done.

(courtesy komo.com) Seriously, if this wasn't a cluster fuck, I don't know what is.

I’ve had PTA stuff I was supposed to do over 3 weeks ago. Donation piles I’m supposed to take to Goodwill. Bills I’m supposed to pay. Laundry that is waiting to be washed. (Owen hasn’t had clean socks in two weeks, but he’s easy going that way.)

Last week, despite The Shining-esque type of days where the snow kept falling, the lights flickering, (for some have been out of power for days so I have nothing to bitch about) and the never ending wet sloppy boots, mittens, snow pants hanging over the vents to dry merry go round I was doing; it was kind of nice to blame it on the snow.

Kinda like what I looked like wandering the house for 4 days in my long johns.

A sampling of my excuses:

Gotta drop off those PTA certificates- oops can’t, the school is closed.

Gotta mail those bills- oops can’t, out of stamps and hubs won’t let me take the minivan out in the snow.

Gotta make dinner- oops sorry, mac n cheese three nights in a row since Amazon Fresh won’t deliver.

Gotta do laundry- oops better not run the washing machine in case we lose power mid cycle and then the clothes would just sit there and rot.

It was fantastic! I ate popcorn and watched Kardashians for three days straight with Emma. We painted our nails, baked cookies, watched Harry Potter with Owen. Drank Old-fashioneds. (me and James did, not Emma)

(courtesy CNN.com) What's better than a Kardashians marathon during a snowpocalypse? Between, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Kourtney and Kim take New York, and Khloe and Lamar, there's always plenty of episodes on E! (Producers are looking into the next round of franchises; Kris takes on Menopause, Kendall and Kylie go to prom and Bruce finds his balls)

Now the streets are clear despite the 3 foot piles of black snow along the curbs. The gym is open and calling my name. School is back in session, Owen’s going to need fresh socks eventually…

Crap. I’m out of excuses…

wakey wakey mama bear. The cubs are restless. Is it spring yet?

Forty is the new everything

I’m a little bit giddy, a little bit nervous, and kinda paranoid all at the same time.

Here’s why:

My girlfriend Christin and I are going to the Grammys. Yeah. The real deal. Where Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett and LMFAO are all in the same room. It will be our early 40th birthday present to ourselves. Our friend Jennifer is taking us. She’s got some awesome connections and a super awesome dad that’s how we got to be so lucky.

So between freaking out, figuring out what I’m going to wear, making hair appointments to cover my roots, waxing (I don’t really wax) and telling the hubs he’ll have the kids for a whole weekend on his own, the back of my mind is going through the- ‘does this mean that with something this good, the universe will even the score and something bad will happen?

I know. That’s awful. How cynical of me. Good things happen to people, regardless. Bad things happen when  nothing good has happened. So why do I think because I get a stroke of good fortune, misfortune will come knocking?  Because I’m normal. Or fu*#ed/normal. The new normal.

So on top of all that, yes,  I’m turning 40. In August. But still, it’s there. On the calendar. Like a root canal. Or a pap smear appointment. But it’s also kind of super awesome. Why? Because I feel like now the best is yet to come. Even if the universe wants to settle any scores,  my life is way better than it was 20 years ago. Hell yeah. My twentieth birthday was spent going to my retail job, living in my cramped apartment, a few friends to make me feel special, no bars yet- I didn’t have a fake ID (too much of a goody-two-shoes) and no boyfriend. Now a boyfriend shouldn’t make you need to feel complete. But come on, let’s be real- I was a girl with needs. The need to be romanced, kissed on the neck, kissed on the lips, and snuggled. (More than that, but my mom reads my blog)

The plan is for me and the family to be in Europe with friends in August for my 40th. That’s pretty fantastical. Expensive. But fantastical. Of course, I’m stressed because I don’t have passports for the kids yet. And since the new law requires all of us to go in person so James knows I’m not kidnapping our kids to New Zealand, it makes for a difficult time getting us all together to the appointment, at the Post Office, on a Saturday. Or I’m just procrastinating because it doesn’t sound like fun to get a passport.

So yeah. My 2012 is going to be excellent. Like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. But I doubt there will be time travel.

So the Grammy’s. I promised Emma I would  try and get a picture of Nicki Minaj.

I’m sure the next 5 weeks (FIVE WEEKS!) will be full of outfit questions and other babblings.

Yay me. And Christin. And Jennifer. Happy Birthday to  us.

Emma's favorite. I can't understand a word she sings. Emma says that's probably because I'm old and a parent.

My favorite. Maybe she'll sing to me.

Pet Peeves 2.0 or rather, Stuff That Pisses Me Off.

I like to point out the ridiculous and nonsensical. Common sense isn’t so common people. Have you seen the Darwin Awards?

I forgot a few pissy items from my last list. (It will always be a work in progress.) In honor of 2012, here’s 12 things that rub me the wrong way. (Or when the children aren’t around, make me say, WTF.)

1. Baby on Board placards in people cars. So what? Thank you for sharing that with me. I will try not to run my car up your car’s ass.

2. All disposable razors marketed in the US for men AND women. Really? 5 blades? Mach 6? Pretty soon razors are going to look like a wood rasp from your Grandpa’s work shop. We’ll just slice it all off in one swipe.

3. People that don’t have call-waiting or don’t know how to use it.

4. Elizabeth Hasslebeck

5. People who wear pajama bottoms in public.

6. People that still use the word ‘gay’ as a description for something stupid or silly. Like, “did you see Gigli with Ben Affleck, it was so gay.”

7. Bank of America

8. The improper use of then, than, your and you’re. Especially on Facebook.

9. When you sit down with a fresh cup of coffee and the dog scratches to go out.

10. Man boobs on children

11. Men who think their penis is attractive enough to send a picture of it to someone. Especially politicians or sports celebrities that do this. FYI- Penises are ugly.

12. Alduteresses that come forward to sell their story in the media and then hire Gloria Allred to represent them.

Quick, just a few more days until the Apocalypse.

Or The Dog Days are Over… if you didn’t like 2011. Cue Florence  + The Machine. (Emma has given me permission to record and post her Florence  impersonation. It’s freakin’ awesome. But not yet, I haven’t had the chance to do all the techy stuff. But it will be good. I promise.)

It’s after Christmas and before New Year’s. That means, it’s time for a year in review. It’s already 2011. Gone. Unfreakinbelievable. Where has the time gone. Wasn’t it just 1999? Remember Y2K? Yeah. Ha, ha. That was a joke the size of Kim Kardashian’s wedding. Hardy har har.

You get enough countdowns, and Best Of lists in the media. This will be MY list. Because, it’s all about me really.

1. I started blogging. Yeah. It’s life changing. Not in a win the lottery type of way. In the oh-you-have-a-house-guest-that-sits-around-your-house-all-day-and-does-nothing-and-oh-wait-it’s-just-mom. Yeah. Like that. It’s like writing that Christmas newsletter about yourself and your family every day for people to read. Some hate it. Some hate it less. I save a lot on paper now.

2. I fell in love with giant metal chickens and and a blogger named The Bloggess. Not as in fall in love Daniel Craig style. Fall in love with a cool girl at school kind.

3. I started using the ‘F’ word more often. My children are horrified. I blame The Bloggess.

4. Emma started middle school and we survived. I will update this when she turns 16 and starts driving. Hopefully, with the same results.

5. I ran my 3rd 5k with Race for the Cure. No joke.

6. Emma and I climbed all 69 flights of  the Columbia Tower to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. Again, no joke.

7. I met Pitbull and he kissed me on the cheek. Okay, he kisses EVERYONE on the cheek.

8. My husband finally cleaned the garage. (This should be #1)

9. I got up early to watch the Royal Wedding.

10. Two of my friends conquered cancer. Oh wait. THIS should be #1. Best for last.

Happy Mayan Apocalypse Year!