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I met the Bloggess and she drew a picture of her reaching into a cow’s vagina.

I know! Right?

First of all, if you don’t know who I’m talking about, why do you even bother reading MY blog? Just kidding.

The Bloggess aka Jenny Lawson, is one of my favorite bloggers. She used to be the ONLY blogger I knew of until I, myself,  started blogging. Now I know a whole bunch and there’s many that are my favorites. Last year I read, And That’s Why You Should Learn To Pick Your Battles, about the giant metal chicken she bought herself when her husband threatened her not to get new towels. It’s a hilarious post, almost satirical, on the mechanisms of marriage.

The Bloggess’ book, Let’s Pretend this Never Happened has been a NY Times best seller for over 15 weeks now. She’s been featured in magazines, will be on the new Katie Couric show soon, and has been featured on networks like ABC and CNN. So despite her obscurity, she has several thousand, if not a million, awkward fans who belong to her club. We feel like she is our new leader of the mentally health challenged, socially awkward, fan club. Quirky doesn’t begin to describe her.

She writes with wild abandon about her marriage, depression, anxiety, vagina, and childhood.

Speaking of vaginas– the chapter called, “If You Need an Arm Condom, It Might Be Time to Reevaluate Some of Your Life Choices, (Alternative Title: High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By). A little wordy, I admit, but wait until you read it. Jenny grew up in rural Texas and her high school had an Ag barn (that’s Agriculture Barn for you non rurals out there.) She was offered a field trip along to an animal husbandry class with some classmates. Not having anything better to do, she obliged. Yes, this is where they artificially inseminate a cow.

Let’s just paraphrase and say, if you aren’t laughing by the time she’s discussing the arm condom, her hand in the cow’s vagina, and her leaving the turkey baster in that cow’s vagina, then I don’t know what is wrong with you.

Cutting to the chase:

Last night at the book signing, Jenny was incredibly patient and jovial with all her fans. Weird and socially awkward were welcome. We brought gifts- taxidermied things, metal chickens, squirrel toys. I didn’t bring her any of these things. No. I brought her Cat Butt gum. That’s what us tasteful folks bring. Yeah.

When it got to my turn, I asked if she would sign the cow page (there’s a cow graphic on the title page, nothing related to the animal husbandry chapter) and would she mind drawing a stick figure of herself reaching into the cow’s vagina?

She graciously replied, “Of course I will. I’m surprised no one else has asked me to do this.” And that my friends is how Jenny signed her book. And since Seattle was her last, last, last, stop on her tour- I felt like one of the cool kids who did something new and unique. Around The Bloggess, that is a huge compliment. Because she is one of a kind. And I think so many of us are grateful for the entertainment and hilarity she brings us.

Also, I like the chapter on when she OD’ed on Ex Lax and thought her cat was a burglar. What? You want more? You have to buy the book then.

You’re welcome.

I mean, is that the best, or what?

You can’t see that I’m shaking in this picture, I’m so excited.