Follow on Bloglovin>
Ebates Coupons and Cash Back

If we were nudists that would solve my laundry problem.

Of course that would require us to get more slip covers for the couches. Ew!! Yeah, gross.

Oh my gosh, can you just imagine Owen nude all the time? He would be so up in his butt and playing with this nuts like they were stress balls. Which they are. I mean, he’s fiddling with them, they’re balls… you get the idea.

Before I started blogging, I would complain on my Facebook page about the laundry. I don’t read single people complaining about their laundry. Married folks without kids might gripe a little. Wives complaining about folding socks and undershirts. Maybe a husband wondering what in THE hell is with the once a month underwear from the misses that looks like a crime scene. But it’s not until you have children that you feel the pain of laundry. The burden that comes with the constant loads of clothes, towels, sheets, stinky socks, underpants. My favorite is the hunt. When I go to Emma’s room and her hamper is empty, but the clothes are strewn about the floor and she complains she has nothing to wear that just fries my craw. So goes with McSweetie. He has an entire pile of dirties, but the hamper is empty.

Now I know I don’t have to take them to the river or anything and beat them on wash boards. The clothes. Not the family members. Although maybe that would make them better at helping me! It’s the same as dishes. There will always be dirty ones. There’s always laundry. Always. Until we start going naked, there will always be clothes to clean. If we stop eating, we can stop loading the dishwasher. I prefer eating. I also prefer garments that cover my privates. So I suppose I will continue to do laundry.

We haven’t planned on moving to any remote island or getting shipwrecked a la Blue Lagoon style. So laundry it is.

And like most normal people who stare at a laundry basket piled high with clean things, I get out my video camera and decide how to vlog about it. I mean, right? You do that too don’t you?

So here’s my ballad to the laundry. I look really sad. I think I’m just overwhelmed.

What an asshole. Look at him just sitting on those clean towels like that. Little turd.

A Tutorial on Spanx*

*Or, how to stuff your muffin top into a Lycra tube.

Listen ladies (and men, cuz there is SPANX for men out there, but let’s pretend we didn’t know that), it’s not that hard. I’ve been wearing SPANX for years.

Yes, it’s a fancy name for a girdle. Yes, it’s not cheap to buy at Nordstrom. HOWEVER, it’s a helluva lot more comfortable than the old fashioned girdles of the 50s. I don’t know this personally. I’m only 40. But I can only guess since back then, the fabric didn’t ‘breathe’ a whole lot.

So yes, SPANX can be uncomfortable. Yes, SPANX can be hot in summer. And yes, there is that weird crotch hole in some. I will explain more on that later. BUT- it does slim, trim and whittle you down under clothes. I don’t care what size you are- the point is to be smooth and bulge-free under your clothes.

So if you are bulging out over your pants, or your back fat over your bra- then you’re wearing the wrong garment. Everyone’s complaint about Spanx is that it just pushes the fat to a different place. Well, that’s not entirely true. You need to push the fat IN and spread it OUT under the steel clad grip of the garment.

Oh and just a side note- the crotch hole is only for peeing. Not for pooping or sex. Just don’t go there.

I’ll demonstrate. Please sit back and enjoy this lengthy movie I made for your viewing pleasure. It’s like an infomercial. A little redundant, not as long, and DEFINITELY way more entertaining.

And I was not endorsed by SPANX at all in the making of this video. But I gotta say, if Sara Blakely wants to come and deliver me a truckload of these things, I’m her gal. Yes- I put SPANX on in the video.  You’ll see.  Have I NO SHAME?

Buy my book!

Do I have what it takes to be Blogger Idol 2012?

Say yes. Please!! And vote for me. Or tell them to pick me. Either way.

Apparently, Bloggers are the new rockstars. Could someone please tell my kids this?? Thanks.

Here is why I am entering Blogger Idol 2012, and what I wrote on my application:

Ahem, <clears voice> is this on <taps microphone>

I want to win Blogger Idol 2012 because of the drama queen in me, and because it scares the shit out of me.  I don’t think of myself as a writer. I first think of myself as an actress, an entertainer. But gosh darn, I started blogging and things just came out in words. Silly, hair-brained ideas. Self-deprecation at its best.  People started reading. People said they liked it. I’ve exercised in leg-warmers for gosh sakes in a video blog!

So even though my Sophomore English teacher told me, “Rebecca, your writing sucks”, gee, thanks, Mr. Merrier, maybe I didn’t WANT to write about Julius Ceasar, huh?

Now I write about what I want to. What I know. And when a reader says they ‘hear’ me, they hear my ‘voice’ from the words, that they relate or feel inspired, I get goose bumps. I think, ‘okay, I’ll keep writing’. Even if one person reads it, I’ll keep writing. Even if one person says, thanks for making me laugh today, I’ll keep writing.

I’ve written about depression, weight –gain, mothering, PMS, sex. Say WHAT? Yes, sex. I gripe about my kids, I get pissed at politicians, stupid people, the media. I like griping. But I also like praising. I have learned from other great bloggers, to love myself. To see myself in new eyes.  Softer, more forgiving eyes. Eyes that say, “I’m mom enough.” “I’m wife enough.” “I’m woman enough.” So I want to spread this feeling to other readers. I want more people to know that they are enough too.

There are so many blogs out there. Millions. And probably at least 100 I read. Saying I want to win Blogger Idol 2012 makes me feel like I am saying I’m better than they are. Well, gosh darn, no I’m not. I’m still in awe when bloggers I admire comment on my blog and refer to me or even share me.  Like I said, I’m the queen of self-deprecation. I can laugh at myself and with you, laughing at me! But entering a blog contest will challenge me. It will keep that little fire in me that says, ‘keep writing’.

It will also prove to my children that I’m a little bit cool. Just a little bit.
===================

So there it is. Award winning? Yes?

Not only will there be bragging rights for the winner, but a boat load of cool prizes for the winner and runners up are given.

Samsung Galaxy Tab 2

Chocolate goody basket

coffee

Snack Taxi

I was hoping a tummy tuck was in the prize package, but no luck this time.

Okay, just go on over and stalk them and tell them to pick me. That is all.

RTLF #11 Affirmation

I remember an exercise I did at a church youth retreat in 9th grade. We broke up into groups and were assigned names of people from the other groups. We had to come up with a list of things we liked about that person, you know- thought were funny, kind, described them. Anything. And then share them with the big group all together for them to hear.

What I didn’t expect was how I would feel hearing the affirming things that the group said about ME. I was floored. People think THAT about me?? I mean, so often, we know our friends hang out with us, like us, or maybe we don’t know if someone likes us. Hearing things like, “she always makes us laugh”, “she makes these funny facial expressions that crack us up” (hmm, we know about this don’t we?) was a total game changer for me. I always felt awkward, unattractive, klutzy. Now, I realized, people liked those silly qualities!

I came away from that feeling so full. What a great exercise. We need affirmation all the time. Some people are shy of compliments. Some people are compliment whores (ahem, I don’t know what you are talking about!). But whether it is a spoken word, a written note, or an action, affirmation is what gives us that feeling of, “yep, I’m worth it”. Not in a L’Oreal kind of way folks.

When I started this blog, I was hungry for affirmation. I wanted to be told all the time- good job, ooh funny, you are so talented…. blah blah blah. And I did get this. From my mom. From a few friends. It was great.

Now folks are reading that I never imagined would read. I have been mentioned on the Huffington Post for gosh sakes! I’ve been given kudos from a blogger I so greatly admire, People I Want To Punch In The Throat, listed me as one of her top 10 funny bloggers on Babble.com. And even sometimes on Twitter, I’ll get a compliment from someone in the biz, or whatever, that makes me gush.

There’s several blogs and writers out there I admire. Kind of, look up to, like the cool kids on campus. When they share my work, I am overjoyed. Like when my son says something sweet to me. My heart takes wings and soars.

Affirmation feels good when I’m given a Blogger Award from another blogger out there. These aren’t like ones that come with plaques and statues at award ceremonies, non blogging folks, they are like chain letters of the Internets, but in a good way. My first award came from Heather at B(itch)log. I was stunned! She’s all snarky and bitchy, and is a WRITER, that likes little ol’ me. ME? It felt good, let me tell you.

And then when others came along, I couldn’t believe it.

It feels good to be told someone likes you. Likes what you do. Or what you write. That they were moved, or changed by it in some way.

I want my children to feel affirmation every day. I want to smile to them when I walk in the room. Or they come home from school, I want them to see me happy to see them. I want my husband to walk in the door after a long day at work, and know that I appreciate him.

I want bloggers to know how much I like their stuff. How much I revere their writing and their talents. How so many of them help shape me in my posts. It’s like they unlock a little treasure chest in my brain for what is possible. All those things floating around in there that were suppressed with yoga pant wearing Gymboree runs, or serious, studious college days. ( I was such a square.) Now I get goofy ideas, and I think, ‘hey that would make a great blog’. And usually you guys embrace the goofy with me and it makes me super happy.

So my point is, share affirmation whenever you get the chance. Tell your children, your spouse, your mom, what you appreciate them for.

Share writers that you love. Pieces of work that touch you. If you think they are ‘too popular’, ‘too big’ to care- not true. I look at pages with thousands more fans than me, and I know that they too, enjoy compliments.

What I love about blogging, and people who don’t blog seem to always ask me WHY I blog if I’m not getting paid, is that it opens up my world and relationships to people out there dealing with things I may never have been exposed to otherwise. Getting my news and updates from Yahoo or CNN or EOnline is fine. But reading what people have lived, struggled through, overcome; that is what sticks with me throughout the day and shapes me. Not only that, but reading about other people’s episiotomy horror stories or embarrassing things their kids say at Starbucks, can be incredibly entertaining!

So with that, I will mention some big blogs and little blogs that inspire me, entertain me, and make me want to keep writing.

I Want a Dumpster Baby

This girl gets the Miss Congeniality award. Everyone loves Katy! AMIRIGHT? She is pregnant with twins, but her road from addiction and depression, to her struggles with infertility, inspire me every day to be a better me. She chooses happiness and is the most furkin’ positive, hilarious creature. I’m amazed by her.

Craughing

The horrors this woman has come back from and kicked ass through, amaze me. Her perspective and truth about dealing with an abusive ex, will compel you to make a choice each day to be who YOU want to be, and never give up.

Mary Tyler Mom

MTM will grab your heart and change it forever. She has lost her daughter Donna, to pediatric brain cancer, and now, she is chronicling her story of trying to adopt a baby. Her writing weaves in and out of your psyche and doesn’t let go. You will wonder how she gets up in the morning with all she’s been through. But like so many out there, she faces the day with purpose and intellect and soul.

These are just a FEW, I mean, there are SO MANY others. People write of their failure, their fears, their triumphs. I am moved, humbled and enlightened every time I open up one of their posts to read. I hope you will be too. You’ll notice the trend in their writing is their gratitude. Not in a sappy, drippy, make you sick way, but in a ‘wow, if they can find it, so can I’ way.

Remember to smile, give a compliment, tell someone how great they are. It can make a HUGE difference. Just think of what our world would be like if more people felt their worth, their affirmation from those around them. It would be AMAZING.

Practice rather than preach. Make of your life an affirmation, defined by your ideals, not the negation of others. Dare to the level of your capability then go beyond to a higher level. ~Alexander Haig

I break for metal chickens. Actually, I don’t. I almost rear-end cars in front of me.

Or, I should call this,  how my husband tells me how to drive.

Or, how I will tell The Bloggess that it’s really weird not to care to almost get in a car accident because you see a whole parking lot full of giant metal chickens.

I guess that’s a little long and wordy for a title. I suppose the title above that is kinda long. Is it bad that I’ve almost forgotten what I’m writing about?

Oh yeah- The Bloggess is coming to Seattle for her book signing! HOLY SHNIKEY!!!! Did you hear?? THE BLOGGESS IS COMING!

And I’m going. I will bring my mini Beyonce, her book “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened”, and my 2012 Bloggess calendar.

Oh, I know, I’m going to title this- “Let’s not pretend, but that in fact, it DID happen”.

Enough with the title dammit!

The Bloggess is why I started blogging. After reading her post on “And That’s Why You Should Learn To Pick Your Battles” from last June, (probably THEE best blog ever written. You better go on over and read it so you know what the hell I’m talking about.) I discovered what blogs really are.  Anyone can write a blog. But writing a blog that is fucking hilarious is a totally different story.

I appreciate all kinds of bloggers. But honestly, I want to laugh. I am passed parenting tips on how to potty train, I’m not planning a wedding, and I don’t can my own vegetables. So reading about other people’s marriages is way funnier than anything else right now.

I’m not saying that I aspire to be The Bloggess. Not at all. It was last year when my Facebook statuses were getting longer and longer. People are all like, you’re so funny, you should write a blog. Gee, okay. Twist my arm why don’t you.

So now I can tell random people around the world about my kids, my sweet and tolerant husband, my vajajay and whatever else I feel like dammit!

Recently, while driving to a party with the family, and I was driving so it’s always irritating when McSweetie is next to me saying things like, ‘don’t you want this lane?’, ‘I’d pass this guy’, or ‘are you staying behind this slow grandma?’. You get the idea. My driver’s ed teacher was less annoying.

So I’m humming along just fine, and what do I see out of the corner of my eye? GIANT METAL CHICKENS!! A whole parking lot full of them! I’d never seen so many in one place. I turn to look, when suddenly, I hear “LOOK OUT!” So I look straight ahead. And yes, indeed, the car in front of me has stopped. I gently step on the brakes and stop with PLENTY of time (plenty, dear sweet husband) and say, ‘Why are you screaming?’

McS- “You weren’t stopping!”

Me- “I totally was going to stop in time. And I did. So there.” (Okay, I didn’t say the ‘so there’ part at the end, but I was pissed!)

McS- “What were you looking at anyway?”

Me- “You didn’t see all those metal chickens at that store in the parking lot? How could you miss them? They were so colorful. I’ve never seen so many!”

McS- “I was watching the road, which is what you should’ve been doing.”

Me- “I am able to do both, thankyouverymuch.”

Well, I’m happy to report that it was Emma’s idea to stop on the way back home and get pictures of all those chickens. I’m glad we did. Oh, and I’m not sporting a new fad in makeup. There was a professional face painter at the birthday party we went to, so I didn’t want to miss out on the fun.

Dear Bloggess- I’m coming for you! I mean, I’m coming for you to sign my book.

Love,

Frug

Knock Knock Mother Fucker

Look, it’s Beyonce!

This here, mother f’er costs $1400! That’s some expensive yard art!

Am I Fat?

Well I’ll save you the trouble of answering that. No, I’m not.

But I still struggle with how I look, as does 99 % of the females in this country do too. I want to focus on my inner beauty. I do. But most of the time I’m a little distracted by the outer train wreck that is my aging self and I forget these important things.

I need to tell myself,  I’m okay. You need to tell YOURSELF that you’re okay. But some things in the media have been bothering me and I will get them off my chest.

Sports Illustrated swim suit model, Kate Upton, has been called fat. Fat?  Hmm, here’s a picture of her-

I’m sorry, who’s complaining?

and here-

How many folks would let her eat crackers in their bed? Show of hands please.

And here’s a blog about what the hell is wrong with people out there calling her fat. I knew about ProAna, (how-to Anorexia website) but I didn’t know about Thinspirational lingo. Gag me. And not in the Bulimia way folks.

 

So when I ask, Am I fat? the answer is still no. But I would be considered a plus size model in the industry. Plus size!  I waver around a solid size 6. My jeans are sometimes an 8, because they’re jeans people!  So Plus size? I don’t even shop at Lane Bryant. Why would I be Plus size if I don’t wear Plus size?  I’m an average size 5’6″ , one hundred and firthnmumpteen pounds.  Even my feet are an average size 8.

My BMI is healthy, my proportions are right- I’m like 34, 27, 38. Okay, I’m 32, 28,39. Whatever. It depends on the time of the month. However, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can help with the dimples, dots, divets, veins, stretch marks and pimply pale skin that is me. Between the barnacles, skin tags, 3rd nipples…did I just say that? I mean, my dermatologist says it’s just my skin overactive in the mammalian variety, whatever.. ANYWAY, it’s not pretty.

 

I am not a plus-sized, woman. I am a healthy, 40 year old, soft and squishy mom of 2!

Comments from people on Kate Upton article read,  ‘oh, she’s pretty, but she could tone up a bit’. Really people? You are going to knock a woman for being a bit, uhm, womanly? Reading fashion magazines and beauty magazines is dumbing down our senses. We are conditioned to see size zero perfectly airbrushed models that DON’T EXIST in the real world! Nit picking over every fold, inch, pudge or dimple is dangerous. Stop seeing just the hole when there’s the entire donut to focus on! A donut with chocolate icing and extra sprinkles that is so wonderful, you forget there’s a hole.

So here- tell me I’m fat. Go on, I dare ya. (Okay, please don’t. Yeah, thanks.)

Would it be fun to be a svelte, tone, size 2? Yes.  But I’m glad I’m HEALTHY, STRONG, and HAPPY!

I’m 40 and freaking fantastic!

Take that stupid magazines- you can suck my 3rd nipple. (DID I JUST SAY THAT?)

Kreativ Blogger award is spelled wrong

Why is it spelled wrong? OOh, I get it, because it’s creative.  OKAY then. I’m not knocking it. Just asking.

I’ve been bestowed a swell blogging award by some swell bloggers. It gets me every time someone makes the effort to show they like my blog. Seriously. I always wanted to be the cool kid in school with their art project on the center bulletin board. This kind of makes up for it. A little.

I need to acknowledge the award givers, answer 7 questions and come up with 10 random unknown facts about myself, AND bestow the award to 7 other blogs. Geeze, these awards are so pushy! At the Oscars you just show up and get the statue. Okay, at least I can spare myself the effort of getting glitzed up for the red carpet.

My special thanks to the two bloggers that gave it to me:

One Tired Mama– is really One Clever Mama. She writes about life, her kids, the future, she writes poetry too. She loves movies. I love her. She’s a blogging pro.

Funny Pregnant Lady– oh my gosh this lady is now Funny Postpartum Lady and God bless her!! Her little peanut is 8 weeks old, adorbs and she still has time to blog and make funny ecards. What is up with that?? I won’t call her Over Achiever because I like her too much, but she better watch it. The rest of us are starting to look like slackers.

Okay, here’ s the answers to the questions. (Why does this remind me of those notes we passed back and forth between classes in high school?)

What is your favorite song?

Oh, tough, I mean, so many to choose from. But our wedding song is At Last by Etta James, and honestly, I just melt when I hear it. So yeah, I’m going with that one. Runners up- Bohemian Rhapsody, Fat Bottomed Girls, Wake me up Before you Go Go. Yeah- that’s Wham! What of it?

What is your favorite dessert?

Chocolate. Chocolate anything. Lava cake, cream pie, mousse, pot de creme, hot fudge sundae- not a Dairy Queen one- a REAL one. Honestly giving up dairy has been tough when it comes to desserts. So hazelnut chocolate sorbet at this one restaurant has been a to-die for replacement that I could lick up like a kitty does cream.

What do you do when you are upset?

Pout. Cry. Eat. Call my mom. If I’m angry-upset, I stomp up the stairs and do laundry or tidy my bathroom. I like to slam things and get all huffy. If I’m sad-upset, I sulk, make a cup of tea, talk to someone, snuggle my dog.

Favorite Pet-

And that brings us to…. my dog. Sophie is the best. She’s a mutt medium sized something or other that loves us to bits. And we love her. We adopted her exactly four years ago and she IS one of the family.

White or whole wheat-

Lately neither. I’m kind of gluten free or no bread at all. But I go weak in the knees for a fresh baguette and really good creamy butter. You might not want to be in the room. There’s crumbs and butter smeared everywhere. You’d think I’d have some restraint. So I just try to stay away from that stuff.

What is your biggest fear?

DUH- something happening to my kids. End of story. I get ants in my pants just thinking of them in the big world. The older they get, the more freedom and time they have away from me and with other people. Freaks the shit out of me. I want them safe. Bottom line.

What is your attitude mostly?

Nauseatingly cheerful. Except when I’m being a bitch.

10 Random Facts

I don’t like the Beach Boys

I think smart, funny guys like Jon Stewart and Steve Carrell are kinda sexy. Humor and intellect is a turn-on.

I always wear something on my feet, even in summer. I don’t like going barefoot. I’m too scared of stubbing a toe or stepping on something.

I can’t stand the sound of metal on metal. If I have a metal bowl, I will not use any silverware on it, only wooden spoons or plastic. It’s like nails on a chalk board for me.

I’m waiting to be surprised by a celebrity crush knocking on my door to whisk me away with tickets to something, that I’m sure Ellen or someone of fame and importance has arranged.

I will attend the Academy Awards before I die. I will. It is by far, my #1 Bucket List item. I just know I will go.

I met Tom Brokaw after my commencement ceremony graduating from the University of Washington. I arranged an interview with him as part of my journalism street cred. It was pretty cool to meet him, he had been the keynote speaker and I have always admired his journalistic integrity and love of history.

I won’t put on an invitation ‘no gifts please’. What am I, nuts? I love presents! Christmas and Birthdays are my favorite.

I eat a spoonful of chia seeds in my smoothie every morning. I haven’t grown green sprouts out of my head yet.

I love, love, love Little House on the Prairie. Some of you might already know this about me, but it’s been awhile since I mentioned it. So here’s a reminder.

Okay- bloggy blogs that I like:

There’s a lot, so if I didn’t pick you- this isn’t Heads Up Seven Up in 3rd grade and you feel bad, just wait until another time. I can’t pick everybody.

Complete Jensanity

She’s funny, a mom, a little insane- ha get it? Her You Might Live In Jersey If Post is pretty funny.

My Children Think I’m Perfect

OH this lady rocks my socks! She is hysterical and is a little naughty. But I like it!

The Bearded Iris

GOOD LORD- this mama is the SHIZ! I don’t know what to say. She cracks me up, she is poignant, witty and hilarious as FUCK!  Anyone who blogs about their lady bits garden is a fave in my book.

Laptop Confessional

This is a group of bloggers and they are so snarky and funny. They call themselves, ‘honey badgers’. What’s not to love?

Ninja Mom

Just go look at her Blog cover photo. She’s funny. And she was in the Top 25 Circle of Moms funny bloggers. God she’s funny!

Bad Parenting Moments

These girls have a lot of heart and soul in their writing. I love reading about their ‘bad parenting moments’. It makes me feel that I’m doing okay.

Cup of Tea and a Blog

This is one of those things I love about blogging. Finding random people through other blogs that live half way across the world and have a kinship- like cups of tea! I have only just started reading her, but I love that I found her.

So there you go-

now off to read those blogs- skidaddle!

Why can’t blogging awards come with gift baskets?

I really need to apologize for taking so freaking long to acknowledge some bloggers out there. And I’m very sorry that I don’t have a wine box or fruit basket to go with the awards I’m giving. If there was only a swag room like on award shows!!

So I humbly accept The Liebster Blog award by three- yes three- (I’m so cool) fellow bloggers.

The deal is, I need to acknowledge the blogs that awarded me this- and then award it to 5 other blogs that I enjoy.

And yes, I’m well aware I don’t deserve any awards (self depracation is my specialty) since my posts are fluffy and silly, full of stay at home mom musings, but hey- I don’t post endless pictures of kitties peeking out of cereal boxes. Okay, on Facebook,  I do. But since I crack myself up, and there’s a handful of folks who seem to genuinely enjoy my dull, shallow page, I will continue to fulfill my obligation and keep writing.

Okay my award givers are:

Somewhat Sane Mom,

She wrote the most HILARIOUS post of a party where Dora the Explorer got drunk on a bottle of Arbor Mist. I know- crazy good! She is even being my partner in crime and pimping my page to Ellen so Ellen can see my 50 Shades music video.

She has a keen wit, I think she’s hilarious like myself, and I don’t think she would mind hanging out with a beer or two (one in each hand, ha ha). Just go read her now! Okay, I’ll stop being so bossy.

What Inside Voice?

She blogs about celebrities she misses. My kind of gal. She got her teeth whitened recently (who cares right? Look at the pic!), and she has a ton of Facebook followers. I thought she was one of the cool kids on campus and was surprised when she graciously gifted me with an award. It’s always fun to find out there’s people who like you. And she’s got a book coming out! So when one of the cool kids, gives you an award, it feels extra good.

Blissfully Discontented

I remember Bliss back in my early months of blogging. I didn’t realize she and I started our blogs almost at the same time. She seemed so skilled and like a veteran. She uses the poignancy of raising children, one with special needs, and she blends it with balls out hilarity!! Which, I love balls out hilarity, if you know anything about me. I just love this gal, she’s sweet and kind and supportive of me. Like a cupcake and a good bra. That’s what a good friend is all about. And I’ve never even met her.

So here’s my five blogs that I would love for you to check out.

Please read them and support them. We are all just putting our words out there. Loving when someone reads them. And if they resonate within you in any way- then that’s just a bonus.

Hungry Rambling

My friend Jen, has been writing this blog for awhile. But I think it’s because of recently her and I going on some food adventures that it has really picked up. I mean, it is all about me, right? She’s my foodie friend and she’s not a dick about it. She likes good food. She’ll have lunch twice in one day (we have done this) because we find a restaurant that we want to check out, after just having lunch at a bakery we knew we wanted to check out. Anyway, you get the idea. She’s fun and sweet and doesn’t swear or gripe about her husband, like I do. She’ll gripe about a restaurant though, but mostly she savors the good stuff.

Glass Half Fool

I’ve known this guy and his family for many years. He has found himself in a situation away from his kids and starting a new chapter in his life as a single guy. I think his writing is an outlet for his frustrations and he has a snarky, twisted sense of humor. But then he’ll hit you with a poem from the heart. So yeah, he’s pretty messed up- but you’ll like him. I promise.

Misadventures of a 20 something Mom

This chick is amazeballs! If I had my shit together in my 20s to be a first time mom and write like she does, I may as well wear a cape, I would’ve been THAT amazing. GOODNESS- she’s funny and candid. She gets IT. If you know what I mean. And she isn’t afraid. And I like that about her. I’d like to say she’s a lot like me. Or maybe, I’m like her.

Twins Happen

Oh Twins mama!! I love this gal. I’ve never met her, but she’s my longitudinal (is that even a word?) sister. She and I are like the only bloggers on the west coast up on Facebook after 10 pm to kabitz back and forth. She’s given me advice, support and she has a big, huge heart. Whenever she throws in a curse word, I crack up, because her by-line is, “raising twins with God and lots of coffee”. I love a good Christian girl that swears. (Ahem, I may just relate, just a little…)

Kvetch Mom

Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch…. How can you not like Kvetch mom?? You can kvetch with her for goodness sakes and she’s not all verklempt. Get it? I threw in some more yiddish for you there. Kvetch mom is just funny. Read her post on Passover and tell me if you don’t pee your pants. Anyone that can throw in Moses and farts in the same sentence, is gifted!!

Now you guys have to do the same- thank MOI first,  and name 5 blogs you like. Be sure to let them know because all writers are selfish whores and love getting the attention!

There are a million bajillion more bloggy blogs out there that I need to give recognition to. So someone give me another award  and then I’ll write about them.

Peace out y’all.

Namaste.

Wax on; wax off.

What’s the first rule of writing? Write about what you know. OKAAAY then. I’m writing about me. Moi, myself and I.

My friend over at  You Know it Happens At Your House Too sent out this ‘challenge’ or ‘assignment’ if you will.

Fifteen things your readers don’t know about you. Really? Fifteen? Isn’t that a lot? I mean, if I use up all fifteen, then what will I have to write about tomorrow? OH wait… PMS… Just kidding! Sort of…

Okay here goes.

1) I like that song The Climb by Miley Cyrus. I know- dippy. But the lyrics are really good. I get kinda teary thinking about certain struggles like paying the credit card bills, sticking to my non-dairy-no meat diet, wondering if my children will appreciate everything I’ve done for them.  So I want to stand in some meadow belting this song out at the top of my lungs. I also want to stand in a meadow and spin like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music— maybe, that’s my #2.

2) I want to spin on a mountainside meadow and sing The Hills Are Alive, With the Sound of Music. I mean, WHO DOESN’T?

3) I don’t wax anywhere except my eyebrows. I mean, ANYWHERE. Is that bad? Please tell me I am not the only woman on the planet that doesn’t wax her business. Like Tina Fey said on Saturday Night Live a few seasons back;  “Women used to have a garden down there the size of a New York City slice of pizza.”  Let’s not go into any more detail, but seriously? One more thing for me to groom? I think not.

4) I spent my senior year spring break getting my wisdom teeth out. All four. Impacted. I was a nerd. But hey, I got it out of the way.

5) I kind of miss the way my kids smell when they were little. Now they just have body odor and morning breath. I like the ‘after-nap’ smell of when they were 2 years old. Kinda sweaty behind the neck and sweet and peach fuzzy. I don’t miss the toddler years, but sometimes I just wish they could smell like that again. And take naps. And not talk back. And do their homework.

6) I only have two houseplants and they are barely alive.

7) I have a horrible fear of heights. Even thinking of looking out a skyscraper windows makes my palms sweat.

8) I met my husband at a funeral. NOOOW, don’t think he was like Will Farrell in Wedding Crashers, “sad women are soo horny” Eww. No! Our families were friends and his grandmother passed away so we had all attended the funeral. He didn’t ask me out, but we were introduced.

9) I have never mowed our lawn. I don’t do yard work. I don’t really do housework. What DO I DO?

10) I’m one of those people that loves to do Karaoke and think I can sing, but really I can’t. I pretend to pull it off with STAGE PRESENCE. Sell it… sell it… I think I will vlog a Karaoke performance for you. THAT would be AWESOME.

11) I used to do this thing when I was a teenager where I would use a big word, that I didn’t really know what it meant, my friend Stacey would be like, ‘that’s not what that means’. I would be all back at her, ‘that is so esoteric of you’.

12) I want to be a figure skater. Or a Vegas show girl. I want to be anything that requires lots of makeup, glitter, and fishnets. I used to act out Olympic figure skating finals events in my bedroom. I can’t skate. Other than that, I think my chances are good for a career as a drag queen.

13) When I was 4 years old I wanted to marry Shaun Cassidy. I watched The Hardy Boys and I was sure that 14 year age difference meant that he would wait for me. A Do Run Run, A Do Run Run.

Parker was pretty darn cute too. What's better- those collars or high-waisted pants?

14) I hated zucchini when I was a kid, but would love my mom’s cream of zucchini soup.

15) My husband and I honeymooned in New England. We had lobster, clam chowder and stayed in Bed & Breakfasts. Who were we kidding? Our marriage was tested immediately. We survived 10 days of driving long hours in the car- him not asking for directions, me insisting we needed to stop for Maine Coon cat souvenirs. We stayed in Inns with no room service and squeaky bed frames. Why we didn’t go to Mexico and sit beside a pool getting drinks brought to us and endless room service, I don’t know. But that was 15 years ago. And we would do it again. But this time we would have GPS to guide us through the endless and confusing highway system of downtown Boston. We would do it, and we would ENJOY IT!

Well that was fun. ONLY 15?? Gosh I could keep going…

Welcome to the party, and why the hell am I called Frugalista?

I want to just fess up and say that I think my blog name is stupid. I remember 6 months ago when I was coming up with my whole blog in the first place, I wanted a name that was cool like The Bloggess. I was also a little intimidated because this was my first blog and I was very self conscious about my writing. I really just threw caution to the wind and jumped in like people do for those Polar Bear plunges jumping in icy waters. Crazy! I say, crazy! So needless to say, I wasn’t going to name my blog Her Royal Highness, the Blog Writer. Now I’m kinda wishing I did.  Because, I feel like I can do anything. I practically wear a cape when I write. I feel invincible.

But I won’t kid you- criticism is totally my kryptonite.

Okay, so I’m not Superwoman. Or Wonder Woman. I couldn’t fit into those hot pants. But the boots are pretty cool… I might rock those cuffs pretty good too….

I'm sure most of you men are thinking, 'why is that picture so friggin' small?'.

I fall into the category of mommy blogger. For obvious reasons because I’m a mom, I write about my ‘stay at home’ adventures of car pool and bed times. The name Frugalista came to me because it seemed a good play on words for my savvy bargain hunting and my desire to be at Paris Fashion Week. So for those that are new to this page- now you know.

Remember that FRIENDS episode where Rachel makes the Christmas dessert trifle from a magazine recipe and the pages get stuck together? She puts meat inside the trifle because she thought that was part of the recipe. I’m that meaty center. Unexpected, maybe tasty, maybe not your cup of tea, but unique. So there.

I do blog about shopping and things I like. I like sharing what makes me happy. I am NOT a couponer. I’m like those new Ellen JCPenney commercials- no coupons on this padre!

So between the bitching about my husband, my kids, random people in the news, my obsession with movies… you know- I like to talk about great shopping deals, makeup, and cute little fashion finds. But I also have to pretend to my husband that I don’t shop EVER, except for groceries.  All that makeup, clothes and shoes, procreate like Gremlins after midnight in my closet. Right?

Despite what the calendar says, it is not Spring here yet.  It’s between the 30s and 40s for a high in these great northwest parts. So I’m ready to bust out my spring looks but hate hypothermia, so I’m still in fleece, wool and Goretex.

If I WERE to get all fashiony, these are my gems of what I’m excited about-

Colored denim. At first I was like all, you won’t catch me in yellow jeans. But then I saw a couple friends in cute skinny jeans that were colored and they looked SO cute. So I got a pair of cobalt blue. Hey, it’s close to denim right? So bright blue it is with a pop of orange or teal, oh, and some cute wedges and a pedi…. oh Spring, just GET HERE ALREADY!

WANT!

It's like Skittles for pants.

Scarves- I’m obsessed with scarves. I have more scarves than Imelda Marcos has shoes. Well, not quite. Maybe more scarves than Paris Hilton has chihuahuas.  I have plenty of warm weather, cold weather and all the weather in between scarves. I like something soft and lightweight around my neck (ha ha, no, not a dog collar thankyouverymuch).  Even when it’s warm out, having  a light weight scarf can serve several purposes- helps shield the sun from your decollete and keeps off the chills if the a/c is cranked somewhere.

Look how pretty and bright that is!

I bought at least three at H&M. They have wonderful prices and lots of great neutrals. I got a bright orange one at Nordstrom that was less than $20. I’m thinking it’s like my personal piece of sunshine to take with me wherever I go!

Next, let’s talk product-

Beauty Balms- For the ultra product-savvy, you know what these are. The industry calls them BB creams. For those that don’t know- these are like a tinted moisturizer that have SPF, primer, and brightening properties all in one product. They come on the really high-end like Dior- to the first ever at the drugstore brand- Garnier. I have yet to try the Garnier one, it’s sold out wherever I go. But the Dior one is great and so is one by Boscia. Some have one tint fits all, some have shades. If you are a less is more person- this is for you. You’ll get some coverage and sun protection in one product. Bam! You’re welcome.

Hair products-

There’s a line of products out there by ALTERNA  called Bamboo. I love their glossing creams and root sprays. They seem to have what the label promises, organic ingredients and I seem to be going back to them even though my bathroom looks like a Sephora store.

Find this at Ulta or Sephora.

Entertainment-

Yeah, I’m the queen of TV. Although, it seems as much TV as I watch, people will ask if I’m watching a show and I realize I haven’t been. So I know that I’m not watching EVERY show out there. Even though it seems that way to my husband.

GCB- the new show on ABC with Kristen Chenoweth, who I love! It’s over the top, ridiculous and campy. Perfect for me! Check it out!

And yes, she does sing on the show!

So there you have it. Like a little dish of candy all served up nice and sweet. Thanks for joining me. Tune in next week when I write about…. wait for it…. PMS- just like always. Okay, I don’t really know if I will, but 8 out of 10 posts seem to deal with that, so there’s a good chance of it in the forecast.