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Traveler’s Hotel Stomach- a BlogHer recap

BlogHer 2013 in Chicago was a whirlwind of making connections, meeting internet goddesses in real life, networking my ‘brand’ opportunities, and suffering from Traveler’s Hotel Stomach. Yes, THS. Do you suffer from this?

What is THS? THS is a horrible condition that debilitates the proper function of, wait for it people- your bowels. This pretty much occurs whenever I leave my house and stay in a hotel. Even if I drive twenty minutes up the street to stay in a hotel, I will suffer from THS. I will bloat and get backed up. I will not be able to properly vacate my intestines. Of course, I was feeling self-conscious with all my roomies just a few feet away on the other side of the bathroom door. This might have added to my uptight feeling of trying to poop subtle like and not obvious.

I’m amazed that the Expo Hall at BlogHer didn’t have a FiberOne booth. Or a Dulcolax booth. They should really look into this. Among my close blogging friends, and let’s admit, even not so close, much was shared about THS. That we were all suffering from the days of gestating a poop baby.

You would think the vegan chorizo mexican burrito breakfast bar would have done the trick. No. No it did not. Again, the salad and Mediterranean couscous lunch buffet should have helped. No luck.

By day 4, we were all sharing notes of how we wish that we could relieve the THS that was lurking. Was there no colonic booth at the Expo Hall either? Geeze, what were these organizers thinking?

If you think that THS falls under the category of TMI, then I’m sorry. It proves you’ve never suffered.

There are trips when I have the converse of THS. This is called, “Oh Snap I Ate Something Weird And Now I’m Practically Shitting My Pants.”  This has happened to me in a castle in the hills of Heidelberg. Apparently there are few public toilets available on a Sunday afternoon after one has had too much Hefeweizen and some soft cheese.

If you attended BlogHer and had fabulous bathroom experience ala Jaime Lee Curtis in an Activia commercial- then congratulations to you.

I do everything I’m supposed to and THS still plagues me.

For instance, here’s some feedback from my roommates this year- Anna from My Life and Kids says, “I haven’t pooped in 6 days. I’m waiting for something to kick in.”

The Bearded Iris says, “Usually I bring my prunes and this trip I forgot them. I could sure use some prunes.”

While we all waited anxiously for our poop babies to be delivered, the great thing was the common bond of constipated women in one room. I made some true friends this weekend. I’m not shitting you.

Before I go off on some horrible poop puns- I will just leave you with this picture.

 

Dear Roommates who have never met me. And other things to know for BlogHer 2013.

I’m going to Chicago for BlogHer. Deep breath. It’s my first blog conference and it’s a big furkin’ deal.

Last year’s BlogHer was in New York and Martha Stewart was there and Katie Couric and even the President addressed the crowd. Uhm, yeah. Big Furkin’ Deal. Like I said.

So in the interest of saving some money- I have 3 roommates that I am sharing a double room with for 3 nights. This could get interesting. What could happen with 4 women in a 250 square foot space over 4 days? Hmmm, don’t answer that yet!

Perhaps some of you attending BlogHer are in the same boat. Or room, I should say.

Let me be clear, I picked these roomies. Well, we picked each other. And I love these women. I think highly of them and adore their blogs, their voice and their whole vibe. So I have no anxiety over how much I will enjoy their company. I just want them to like me too.

So here’s a little cheat sheet on what I’m fearing/anticipating/hoping they like about me too, need to know beforehand, etc.

 

  • If I’m nervous, I will talk. A lot. Especially if no one else is speaking. I will fill the quiet air space with continuous random phrases. “Oh my gosh, my feet hurt. Did you feel how humid this city is? Are the toiletries any good in the hotel bathroom? I like pie.”
  • I will need two pillows. I sleep ON a pillow and hug a second pillow. Really, this is important. I can’t sleep any other way. I get all spare pillows. Sorry.
  • I like staying up late and giggling and making armpit farts with the next gal (right Anna?) but I do need my sleep. I’m terribly worried that I will be an exhausted cranky pants during the day because of the morning to night activities. Please let me sleep. No shave cream across my eyebrows, or hand in a warm bowl of water.
  • I have early morning gas. That is all.
  • I will bring a lot of products. Like a lot. You will think,”does she need all those lipsticks? She only has one mouth.”  And yes, I do need all those lipsticks.
  • I’m self conscious about pooping. It will be weird going to the bathroom knowing y’all are just on the other side of the door.
  • My kids complain that I don’t always finish my sentences. If we’re having a conversation and then I just trail off at the end of something I was saying…   Yeah. That.
  • I will be drinking lots of tea. You knew that already though, right?
  • I hope there’s room for my life size cut-out of Daniel Craig.
  • You don’t mind that I bring my Shih-tzu, Bitsy, right?
  • I don’t snore, but I do sleep with my mouth wide open. It’s not pretty. There will be no obscene jokes made as to the mouth-breathing capabilities I have.

Uhm… I think that’s everything. Well, it’s a lot anyway. Right?

Also, I’m fun. Really. I think. AND, I’m totally kidding about the Shih-tzu. The Daniel Craig cut-out… you’ll have to wait and see.

See you in Chicago!!

 

Simplifying your summer makeup routine to 7 products- you can do it!

Lighting and filters always help.

 

If you’re a makeup junkie like I am, reducing your beauty routine to just 7 products is a challenge.

I can use 7 products on my eyes alone if you include primer, shadow, liner, mascara, brow pencil, brow gel… geeze!

So reducing my entire makeup routine to just 7 products is a huge accomplishment for me.

Usually I like to give myself about 20 minutes to do a full face. I love playing with my makeup and applying different colors, formulas and trying new techniques. But going on vacation or to a conference, or if you just wake up late, and you need to look decent in around 5 minutes, there’s still hope to applying a full face of makeup with just 7 products.

I will be attending BlogHer 2013 in July in Chicago. There won’t be a whole lot of time to sleep in and dink around with my beauty routine. Plus, I can’t take my entire Sephora sized makeup collection in my suitcase.

So I came up with the following:

 

My top 7 picks for a quick face. (Video below, if you choose. Please choose, please.)

 

Cover Girl 3 in 1 Color Stay Foundation Creamy Natural

Susan Posnick color correct stick-light

Tarte Amazon Eyes Waterproof pencil (some bronzey brown color, it doesn’t say)

Tarte Amazon Clay Bronzer- Park Avenue Princess

Dior Brow Styler- Universal Brown

Cover Girl Flamed Out Mascara-Black

Mirenesse Gloss Stick-First Kiss

I also used my Sigma F80 foundation brush- I love! And I put on BB cream prior to the foundation to give myself added sun protection and coverage.

If you’re headed to BlogHer this summer, let me know other packing tricks so I can fit 10 pairs of shoes in my carry-on.

Thanks!