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Pet Peeves 2.0 or rather, Stuff That Pisses Me Off.

I like to point out the ridiculous and nonsensical. Common sense isn’t so common people. Have you seen the Darwin Awards?

I forgot a few pissy items from my last list. (It will always be a work in progress.) In honor of 2012, here’s 12 things that rub me the wrong way. (Or when the children aren’t around, make me say, WTF.)

1. Baby on Board placards in people cars. So what? Thank you for sharing that with me. I will try not to run my car up your car’s ass.

2. All disposable razors marketed in the US for men AND women. Really? 5 blades? Mach 6? Pretty soon razors are going to look like a wood rasp from your Grandpa’s work shop. We’ll just slice it all off in one swipe.

3. People that don’t have call-waiting or don’t know how to use it.

4. Elizabeth Hasslebeck

5. People who wear pajama bottoms in public.

6. People that still use the word ‘gay’ as a description for something stupid or silly. Like, “did you see Gigli with Ben Affleck, it was so gay.”

7. Bank of America

8. The improper use of then, than, your and you’re. Especially on Facebook.

9. When you sit down with a fresh cup of coffee and the dog scratches to go out.

10. Man boobs on children

11. Men who think their penis is attractive enough to send a picture of it to someone. Especially politicians or sports celebrities that do this. FYI- Penises are ugly.

12. Alduteresses that come forward to sell their story in the media and then hire Gloria Allred to represent them.

Medicated and Proud of it- Part 2. revisited

I’m reposting this, because I’m frickin’ going all honey badger today. Any sympathy, wine, blindfolds, ear plugs, sensory deprivation chambers would be welcome.

oh and for fun- here’s Tina Fey doing her genius interpretation of female things:

Annuale, Saturday Night Live

Oh and this is Part 1 of this post from over a month ago. This resonated with a lot of people in case you never read it.

Medicated and Proud of it (Part 1)

Part 2

I didn’t really mean it to become a series. But I never had so many positive responses to my blog before or since. So that means, a lot of you out there are messed up too? Yay. I guess.  No really, misery loves company, so this chick is glad to have a lot of friends.

You know those days where you feel so emotionally brimming you could cry? And it could be happy or sad. Like, your child gives you a sweet tap on the arm and tells you how wonderful you are. Bring on the Kleenex. Or, you witness a squirrel getting hit by a car on your way to the gym and you burst into tears like you’re watching The Notebook? Or your husband uses your car and when you get in, you see the gas light is on when you go to drive your daughter to school after she missed her bus and yelled at you for not washing her favorite hoodie, and then you drop your phone in a dirty diaper someone left in the parking lot. Seriously.

That’s everyday you say? Yeah, tell me about it.  Okay, well when I have one of those days, I also know that PMS is probably right around the corner (la, la, la, la, cover your ears, I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you..sorry boys). But really. Then after the crying/laughing feeling goes away, I’m left with this knot in my stomach that extends to my lower back. Is that called anxiety? Or labor? Or too much coffee? I feel like I could use a gin and tonic before lunch. For those of you who feel this too, I don’t recommend a gin and tonic before lunch. I tried it once and just napped the rest of the day. Nothing got done. Oh wait. That’s everyday when I just drink tea and then put the kids on the school bus.

I feel like if I could just take a deep breath it would let all the anxiety go. Maybe I have ESP and don’t know it, and I’m just reacting to something bad happening in some far corner of the earth. Some atmospheric shift in the universe is sending me these tense waves of emotion.  That would be awful. Can you imagine being one of those psychics and you get those nasty visions of horrible things happening to people you don’t know and you go to the police and no one believes you. Oh wait, that was a Lifetime movie I watched. But still, I hope I’m not psychic.

I start to worry about everything. What to make for dinner. Will I have time to get cat food before going to the library and then getting home in time to meet Emma’s school bus. Will I get Alzheimers? What if the dryer catches fire while I’m not home. What if the pets can’t get out when the house is on fire? What if the organic milk I buy isn’t really organic? Are soybeans safe? What if, what if, …. Oh my gosh make it stop!!

Oh. THIS is called PARANOID. Yeah, well, I wouldn’t be human or female if I didn’t have days like this I guess. Here I go sharing again. I know I won’t regret it. You like me….you really like me. Okay, now I’m just being ridiculous…

Medicated and Proud of it- Part 2. revisited

I’m reposting this, because I’m frickin’ going all honey badger today. Any sympathy, wine, blindfolds, ear plugs, sensory deprivation chambers would be welcome.

oh and for fun- here’s Tina Fey doing her genius interpretation of female things:

Annuale, Saturday Night Live

Oh and this is Part 1 of this post from over a month ago. This resonated with a lot of people in case you never read it.

Medicated and Proud of it (Part 1)

Part 2

I didn’t really mean it to become a series. But I never had so many positive responses to my blog before or since. So that means, a lot of you out there are messed up too? Yay. I guess.  No really, misery loves company, so this chick is glad to have a lot of friends.

You know those days where you feel so emotionally brimming you could cry? And it could be happy or sad. Like, your child gives you a sweet tap on the arm and tells you how wonderful you are. Bring on the Kleenex. Or, you witness a squirrel getting hit by a car on your way to the gym and you burst into tears like you’re watching The Notebook? Or your husband uses your car and when you get in, you see the gas light is on when you go to drive your daughter to school after she missed her bus and yelled at you for not washing her favorite hoodie, and then you drop your phone in a dirty diaper someone left in the parking lot. Seriously.

That’s everyday you say? Yeah, tell me about it.  Okay, well when I have one of those days, I also know that PMS is probably right around the corner (la, la, la, la, cover your ears, I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you..sorry boys). But really. Then after the crying/laughing feeling goes away, I’m left with this knot in my stomach that extends to my lower back. Is that called anxiety? Or labor? Or too much coffee? I feel like I could use a gin and tonic before lunch. For those of you who feel this too, I don’t recommend a gin and tonic before lunch. I tried it once and just napped the rest of the day. Nothing got done. Oh wait. That’s everyday when I just drink tea and then put the kids on the school bus.

I feel like if I could just take a deep breath it would let all the anxiety go. Maybe I have ESP and don’t know it, and I’m just reacting to something bad happening in some far corner of the earth. Some atmospheric shift in the universe is sending me these tense waves of emotion.  That would be awful. Can you imagine being one of those psychics and you get those nasty visions of horrible things happening to people you don’t know and you go to the police and no one believes you. Oh wait, that was a Lifetime movie I watched. But still, I hope I’m not psychic.

I start to worry about everything. What to make for dinner. Will I have time to get cat food before going to the library and then getting home in time to meet Emma’s school bus. Will I get Alzheimers? What if the dryer catches fire while I’m not home. What if the pets can’t get out when the house is on fire? What if the organic milk I buy isn’t really organic? Are soybeans safe? What if, what if, …. Oh my gosh make it stop!!

Oh. THIS is called PARANOID. Yeah, well, I wouldn’t be human or female if I didn’t have days like this I guess. Here I go sharing again. I know I won’t regret it. You like me….you really like me. Okay, now I’m just being ridiculous…

My top 5 favorite products. Or 10. There’s a lot I like.

Maybe some of you read my blog for my witty banter about my kids and husband. Maybe some of you like to hear what my super cat is up to. And some of you read it and don’t finish it because you’re like, this woman is an idiot.

For those that read for my shopping, fashion and beauty wisdom, this is for you. Because I can say I’m so wise when it comes to beauty because….well, because, I buy a lot of shit and I worked in cosmetics for like 5 years. There. Yeah. Basically, I’m a self taught makeup/product aficionado. Just so you know, there’s no real scientific explanation or actual certification I got. It’s just my opinion. ALSO, the cool thing about my recommendations is no one is paying me to endorse them. I think beauty editors and bloggers get paid by companies. SO mine are completely neutral and honest. If I do ever sell myself out, you know  it would only be to put my kids through braces, college and their weddings.

Here’s my list:

WEN cleansing conditioner (QVC.com)

Their slogan is ‘Friends don’t let Friends use shampoo”. I love this stuff. My hair is like flaxen strands of silk. (okay, that’s a little exaggerated)  I would bathe every head and follicle in my household in this ‘cleansing  conditioner’, (it is not shampoo), if I could afford to. This is a mostly natural, non-sudsing, shampoo- conditioner-detangler-deep conditioning treatment in one product. If you’ve used it and don’t like it, it’s probably because you didn’t use enough product and water to make it do it’s thing. It’s a tricky deal. But once you’ve mastered it, you’ll be hooked. If you don’t want to afford it, or bother, just promise me you’ll use sulfate-free shampoo. If you color your hair and are using shampoo with sulfates (even high end brands have it, check the label) you are not doing yourself any favors.

Jane Iredale Magic Mitt (Beauty.com)

This washcloth is a microfiber mitt with a million little grippy loops that take away your makeup and dirt. No cleanser needed. You wash it with hand soap after you’re done, rinse it well, wring it out to hang to dry and use it over and over. It’s made of antibacterial fabric.  Takes off everything- waterproof stuff too.

Nature’s Gate Glow lotion (Target)

This gradual self tanner lotion has replaced my Jergens bottle. I like it’s natural ingredients and it’s pump dispenser. It’s very subtle for my alabaster complexion but gives a honey-tinted glow.

Weleda Food for the skin (Target, Whole Foods)

This is like Aquaphor but natural and made by Germans. I love products made in Germany. If you need something heavy and slick for chapped areas but don’t like petroleum in a lot of products out there, this is very pleasant.
It seems to nourish your skin- just like the label says- ‘skin food’. Don’t eat it though.

Clean and Clear pimple paste (Target)

I’ve talked about this one before. It’s white so you can only use it at night. Dries up zits. Period.

Josie Maran Argan Oil (QVC and Sephora)

If you’ve noticed, Argan Oil is everywhere now. It’s like what soy was in 2005. You’re going to start seeing it in baby formula and cat food for crying out loud! It’s a precious oil from Morocco that is great for your hair and skin. You don’t need a fancy brand of it, it can be very expensive, just read the ingredients list that what you do buy isn’t full of fillers and preservatives. You want the pure oil.

EOS lip balm and shave cream (Ulta)

These lip balms come in these round balls they are so cute and roll over your lips soothingly. (That read kind of weird.)  Their lotion is similar in packaging. All eco-friendly, happy ingredients and no fillers.

Urban Decay shadow primer (Ulta,  Sephora, Beauty.com)

This is it. You will wonder why you lived without this product. It comes in four different formulas. All good. It just depends on your taste. Does your eyeshadow fade, crease, wander? This will stop it from doing all of those. Done. You’re welcome.

Bliss Oxygen mask (Sephora)

I love Bliss products. One day I want to go to their New York spa. This is their affordable version of your own spa at home. It foams up and makes your skin feel soft and look brighter. I put it on in the shower and let it do it’s thing while I shave my legs. And then I look like Heidi Klum.

Preserve Toothbrushes (Whole Foods, Trader Joes)

I love these little guys. They are made with recycled yogurt containers. When you’re done with one, buy a new one and pop the old one into the new one’s wrapper. Tape it shut and drop it in a mailbox. They will recycle your toothbrush into another toothbrush. Not in the gross way. They refab the plastic, not the bristles! No worries.

Oh, one more I had to squeeze in-

John Frieda Full Repair Flyaway Tamer

You know those little frizzy hairs at your part line? Or the baby hairs at your temples that are from when your hair grew back after it all fell out having kids and then it never grew in the same way? Well, whatever stray hairs you have- this product is for that. Some magazines and editorials say to take an eyebrow brush with hairspray and brush over them. What I don’t like about this, is, the hairspray evaporates and within a couple hours, my hairs are springing up like goosebumps in December. This is the perfect blend of control and non-greasiness.

Have fun and let me know how you like them. I promise I won’t say I told you so.

Medicated and Proud of it- Part 2. revisited

I’m reposting this, because I’m frickin’ going all honey badger today. Any sympathy, wine, blindfolds, ear plugs, sensory deprivation chambers would be welcome.

 

oh and for fun- here’s Tina Fey doing her genius interpretation of female things:

 

Annuale, Saturday Night Live

 

Oh and this is Part 1 of this post from over a month ago. This resonated with a lot of people in case you never read it.

Medicated and Proud of it (Part 1)

 

Part 2

I didn’t really mean it to become a series. But I never had so many positive responses to my blog before or since. So that means, a lot of you out there are messed up too? Yay. I guess.  No really, misery loves company, so this chick is glad to have a lot of friends.

You know those days where you feel so emotionally brimming you could cry? And it could be happy or sad. Like, your child gives you a sweet tap on the arm and tells you how wonderful you are. Bring on the Kleenex. Or, you witness a squirrel getting hit by a car on your way to the gym and you burst into tears like you’re watching The Notebook? Or your husband uses your car and when you get in, you see the gas light is on when you go to drive your daughter to school after she missed her bus and yelled at you for not washing her favorite hoodie, and then you drop your phone in a dirty diaper someone left in the parking lot. Seriously.

That’s everyday you say? Yeah, tell me about it.  Okay, well when I have one of those days, I also know that PMS is probably right around the corner (la, la, la, la, cover your ears, I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you..sorry boys). But really. Then after the crying/laughing feeling goes away, I’m left with this knot in my stomach that extends to my lower back. Is that called anxiety? Or labor? Or too much coffee? I feel like I could use a gin and tonic before lunch. For those of you who feel this too, I don’t recommend a gin and tonic before lunch. I tried it once and just napped the rest of the day. Nothing got done. Oh wait. That’s everyday when I just drink tea and then put the kids on the school bus.

I feel like if I could just take a deep breath it would let all the anxiety go. Maybe I have ESP and don’t know it, and I’m just reacting to something bad happening in some far corner of the earth. Some atmospheric shift in the universe is sending me these tense waves of emotion.  That would be awful. Can you imagine being one of those psychics and you get those nasty visions of horrible things happening to people you don’t know and you go to the police and no one believes you. Oh wait, that was a Lifetime movie I watched. But still, I hope I’m not psychic.

I start to worry about everything. What to make for dinner. Will I have time to get cat food before going to the library and then getting home in time to meet Emma’s school bus. Will I get Alzheimers? What if the dryer catches fire while I’m not home. What if the pets can’t get out when the house is on fire? What if the organic milk I buy isn’t really organic? Are soybeans safe? What if, what if, …. Oh my gosh make it stop!!

Oh. THIS is called PARANOID. Yeah, well, I wouldn’t be human or female if I didn’t have days like this I guess. Here I go sharing again. I know I won’t regret it. You like me….you really like me. Okay, now I’m just being ridiculous…