Follow on Bloglovin>
Ebates Coupons and Cash Back

We have a serious problem

“1 in 4 women in college today has been the victim of rape, and nearly 90% of them
knew their rapist.”

The above statistic makes me sick to my stomach. I have a daughter that will be off to college in a few years. But I also have a son. And as much as I pray for her to stay safe and smart, I’m teaching him to not be a rapist.

The statistics and numbers are staggering. Alarming. The case of campus rape and assault has been in the news a lot lately. The president addressed it in a speech. Rutger University students are creating apps to have on mobile phones to keep women safe on campus.

There’s nail polish that changes color in a drink to detect if it’s been rufied.

That’s great. But we have a problem folks.

We’re not changing the culture of our society. As brutal as it sounds, and like describing a middle eastern third world country, we are a rape culture people.

The United States of America is still a rape culture.

Why?

Because we still put the responsibility on the woman to keep herself safe. The problem is we aren’t teaching our sons to NOT RAPE.

Now while I really appreciate these apps and I will probably have my daughter download them on her own phone (You can read about the apps here.) But it troubles me when I keep hearing of all these measures for women to protect themselves and I don’t hear how we’re changing our culture and society for men to protect women instead of victimizing them. Girls are responsible to not dress provocatively. They can’t wear short skirts to school or school dances. Heaven forbid a boy would be distracted. Girls need to be responsible to not drink too much at a party. They need to stick together in a group. They need to check in with their friends. Reasonable measures indeed. But how nice it would be if men were gentlemen. Saints even.

We need to change when even fashion can dictate what’s cool for guys.

What about male clothing that promotes rape? Can you believe there are shirts with that message?

Foulmouthshirts.com (I will not offer the link, you can take my word for it) has shirts on their website, mind you, in over 350 colors and font styles, that read,

“It’s not rape. It’s a snuggle with a struggle.”

Idakoos.com sells shirts that read “I Love Motionless Girls”

People. This is war.

We have to stop this. It’s a huge battle on a steep hill, but can we please instill in our boys to respect women?

I know it’s not fun to teach our kids the birds and the bees. I know the conversations can be awkward.

But we need to be straightforward about sex, boundaries and respect. We need to talk to them about porn and not to download it. Yes. It’s degrading to women. So be up front with your boys. Tell them that is not how people have sex.

Tell them what is not okay when it comes to dating a girl.

Can we show them that the Ray Rice’s of the world and the Kobe Bryants are not heroes. Yeah. Remember Kobe was found not guilty of raping that woman in a hotel room, but I don’t believe it for a second that he’s innocent.

But let’s focus back on the campus situation. Women working together to protect each other is a great thing. Yes. Apps, buddy systems, staying sober; all of it, is important.

These are necessary since according to the Department of Justice, a college campus of 10,000 students could experience as many as 350 rapes per year.

If those numbers are unsettling (I attended the University of Washington, a campus of 50,000 students, that’s a potential 2400 rapes per year.) and make you want to bring your pitch fork to your nearest university, then listen to this:

Every 21 hours there is a rape on a college campus.

43% of college men admit to using coercive behavior to have sex, ignoring the woman’s protest.

1 in 12 college men admit to fulfilling the prevailing definition of rape, but don’t consider themselves rapists.

Only 10% of victims even report the rape.

And this is only the surface folks. There’s more stats where these came from. Shall we grab our torches now?

Do women just run around being all victimy? Or are young men predators? I’m sure most of these sons are good kids in all other areas.  Clearly we aren’t doing enough to keep them from thinking this behavior is okay. That along with teaching them to hold doors open for ladies, we haven’t pointed out it’s not okay to hold them down for a ‘snuggle with a struggle’.

What has to change? Let’s not make it the woman’s job to protect herself.

Is it some good ol’ boys club that encourages this behavior? That ‘bro code’ is more important than the safety of their girlfriends, co-eds and friends?

We need to teach our sons what rape is and not to do it. That there is no ‘gray area’. Where are the good boys? The gentlemen? Where are the young men to intervene in these frat house or dorm room situations? Because what is more important than a can of pepper spray to a woman, is a man setting an example and pulling back the curtain on his friends’ repugnant behavior.

Frugalista Blog tells us we need to teach our boys not to rape

I’m sickened after hearing even some of our senators and state representatives that still think there’s some justifiable reason to rape a woman.

No. There’s not.

What if she’s drunk? Nope. Not then.

What if she’s passed out? Nope. Not then.

What if she’s wearing a short skirt and you’re kissing her? Nope.

What if she came over when your parents weren’t home and you both got naked? Not even then.

I’m telling you moms and dads- it’s time we teach our boys about how to band together and honor women, and not just teach our daughters where to kick a guy in the groin or buy her magic rufie nail polish.

Are you with me?

For more information and sickening statistics-

http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/college_campuses_and_rape.htm

https://www.rainn.org/public-policy/campus-safety

In The Powder Room today- Not Just a Girl…

Lately there’s an overload of social media, young narcissist pop-stars  and rehab celebrities; I crafted this post from some inspiration I came across last week.

Okay, ironically, yes, I came across the inspiration from social media- shush.

But really, I think this is just a dose of some goodness we need.

Read on here at In the Powder Room-

Emma and Amelia Earhart by Jaime C Moore

 

Dear future women of America:

Yeah, I’m talking to you girls. Okay, you don’t read my blog- your moms and dads do. But still, I have a message:

There’s things in this world I hold quite dear to me. Like the health of my family, polar bears, harp seals, National parks, the air I breathe, non GMO food…

So what I want from you is to go to school, go to college, cure cancer, keep the planet liveable, protect endangered species, invent smart cars, find a female viagra… okay, so that’s not that important. But anyway, my point is DO SOMETHING!

I know it’s fun to be pretty, it’s fun to hang out with boys and party. I like watching people sing on YouTube. I like movies and reality TV like the next crazed housewife. BUT- we don’t need anymore reality television stars. We don’t need any more pouty, trouty faced girls in midriff tops posing on their iPhone in their bathroom.

There’s a lot of wonderfully attractive famous women out there- Diane Sawyer, Tina Fey, Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet, Oprah, – okay they are all in the media. Hmm, I promise you- there are really pretty women out there that are famous and making a difference in this world.

But you don’t need to be pretty to make a difference. I guess that is my point. History is full of unattractive women who have made the difference in our lives for the better. Who have paved the way for incredible things that I would like to think, no man could ever accomplish.

A Gallery Of Unattractive Women Who Have Made History:

Examples of really pretty women that you probably don’t want to grow up to be like:

My name is Alexis Stodden and I am 16 and married a gross old guy and I make trouty mouth faces for my pictures.

I’m Heidi Montage and I spent $50,000 on plastic surgery that I now regret, to further my career and no one remembers who I am anyway.

Snookie. I wrote a book but nobody takes me seriously.

Ladies- love yourselves!

I am doing this for my benefit.

I am constantly beating myself up for not being ‘perfect’.

The fact that I didn’t work out that day, what I weighed at the dr.’s office, how I forgot to give the kids their vitamins before they went to school. How the kale I had good intentions for but got all slimy forgotten in the back of the veggie drawer in the fridge. How I’ve spent James’ mid life crisis sports car money on eye cream and ‘youth’ serums.

So here’s a picture I will make full size for my bathroom. Except looking at it makes me think that this girl has some serious muscle tone I am lacking. But still- it’s a good message.

No stick skinny folks here. No offense to anyone stick skinny. Just trying to make myself feel better.

And when you’ve got five minutes- watch this video. For the sake of yourself, your daughter’s and granddaughter’s- we need to remember there’s so much out there than what’s in a magazine.

Kate Winslet- “I don’t look like that video.”

Feel free to share, copy, put on a t-shirt; whatever. I know I will.