If you were a spectator of the spectacle on Sunday called the Super Bowl then you saw lots of football, commercials, celebrities, and commentary. If you were on social media during that spectacle, you saw all those things plus everyone’s opinion about them.
Actually, if you weren’t on social media, I’m pretty sure good ol’ Uncle Bob was pretty vocal about his opinions as well. I’m 42 and can remember Super Bowls from about 1980. And social media didn’t exist and there was a lot of complaining and judgments made even then. Uncle Bob would scream at the TV and when the team he was rooting for messed up they were usually a bag of shitheads and didn’t deserve to play. Or something like that.
I was rooting for my Seahawks. Yes, it was a painful loss. I still feel the pang of dread thinking about that last play. Not only armchair quarterbacks all over America thought it was a crappy call to throw the ball instead of giving it to our number one running back of the game, and probably the league, Marshawn Lynch, but so did the commentators on NBC. Let’s just say the rookie from the Patriots, Butler, is feeling like going to Disneyland after intercepting Russell Wilson’s pass that ended the game for the Hawks and won the game for Brady and his Patriots.
Never mind ‘deflategate’ or pregame smack talk, media day fines, friendly celebrity rivalries, this was a well matched football game, both teams with a 12-4 record going in to this. An East meets West delight for fans of the game.
So in laymen’s terms, the guys in blue and green with the hawk on their helmets and the big guy who likes Skittles, were playing against the other guys in red white and blue with the guy that is married to the supermodel.
I enjoy football. I understand the game. I can usually see calls when the refs call them, or see them before they’re called. I get it. But I don’t play football. Never have. Okay that one time I broke my pinky when Owen threw the ball at me, doesn’t count. This includes the majority of Americans too. Sure, football is played in cul-de-sacs and high schools, pee wee leagues and colleges. But the ratio of actual pro football players to regular people? 1:500,000. I’m making that up. But I’m probably close.
The last minute of the game went down in a fury of tweets and guhs, and oohs, and WTFs? that were heard throughout the land. EVERYONE had an opinion. And everyone had their idea of who was to blame. Coaching, players, Obama, God, owners… good grief. The conspiracies were rampant. One even included that the coaching staff didn’t want to risk Marshawn Lynch win the game, get the MVP award and painfully have to face the media. Talk about LOL! For real people?
If you didn’t complain about the game, then let’s see, you probably got to complain about Katy Perry’s halftime performance. Because coming out on a giant mechanized puppet tiger operated by humans while she wore a flame dress singing “I’ve got the eye of the tiger” is just sort of so-so. But not to worry because Lenny Kravits and Missy Elliott ‘saved’ the show by being able to perform with her.
Oh, yeah, Katy needs help performing. Never mind her sell out tours or 5 back to back hits in a row on her last album. She’s just a rookie. I mean, I was excited to see Lenny and Missy and like, “yay, more performers to enjoy!” But apparently it’s never enough for some.
Then let’s talk about the commercials. There were some super sweet ones. Budweiser, they know what they’re doing plying our emotions to buy beer using horses and puppies.
Did anyone even notice the awesome Nationwide ad? No, not the one with the dead kid, the one with Mindy Kaling and Matt Damon? I loved it. But whatever, everyone decided to complain about the dead kid one. Personally, I was taken aback by the startling nature of it and thought maybe a different time frame would have been more appropriate, but hey, didn’t it get you thinking?
I don’t even remember what the ad was for with the fanny packs, but at least it wasn’t horrible with boobs and lingerie like Victoria’s Secret. Because our country doesn’t like boobs right? I mean, breast feed at home people. We like boobs. Just not in our face. Okay, in our face, but not on TV.
Because a Super Bowl ad to be successful can’t be too sexy, too sappy, too jarring or too confusing. It has to be just right. Because the American public expect it to be that way! Even McDonald’s giving out free french fries had some folks whining. I admit, I kind of poked some fun at that one on Twitter.
Now that all that sporting stuff is over, let’s go back to doing what we do best. Complain about vaccinations being a government conspiracy, gripe about folks putting coats on their kids in car seats, and wring our hands over GMO food. It’s what we do best.
It’s fun bashing things from the comfort of our Lazy Boy while eating chips and dips and wings.
The morning after has left me with a bitter pill. Not because my team didn’t win, but because America always seems to lose at these things.
Sigh. There’s always next year.