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Guest post- Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

My gals, Ellen and Erin have done a little work on Pinterest for me. While I continue to recover from my finger surgery, please enjoy the following:

 

 

Shopping can be fun, boring, necessary . . . or it can be frivolous. Let’s face it; it’s really the buying that gets us into trouble. Most of the time we are Sensible, but every once in awhile, there is that purchase that just makes us shake our heads and say,”What in the name of all that is rational were we thinking?”

Erin: We’re not talking about an impractical splurge like this:
shoe

 

Ellen: Yeah, these are ridiculously pricey, don’t really rock out with yoga pants, and would inflame my plantar fasciitis, but at least they can be hidden in a closet.

Erin: These shoes are so expensive I would probably have to display them on my mantle for the next decade and call them art to justify delving into the college funds for them. On second thought, my youngest is five, and they probably won’t even be using books by the time he goes.

Ellen: It’s really cute we’re talking about these shoes as a hypothetical bad purchase when I have THIS actually in my house:

 

We like to call it The Monster Bed: Where blankets and stuffed animals come to party.

 

Erin: That is one big, fabulous bed. I’m not seeing the problem.

Ellen: I feel like I should size the picture so that it spills over into the margins. You know, so that you get a visceral feel for how massive The Monster Bed really feels in my daughter Jellybean’s (12) room. This is as much of the bed as I could get in the frame because, as it was, my back was pressed against the wall.

Erin: But she LOVES that bed.

Ellen: But at some point she is going to move out and then we are stuck. It can’t be a guest bed, because getting into that thing as an adult is AWKWARD. The way the steps are arranged makes you have to hunch over and crawl up there like a hobbit. Grandma could never make it up there.

And it weighs a gazillion pounds. She wants her room repainted, but this bed can’t be moved. We are actually just going to paint around it. That makes me shudder.

Erin: If you squint your eyes, that idea might actually pass for Sensible. It would be easier just to deal with the wonky paint job when you finally get that thing outta there by taking a sledgehammer to it and throwing it out the window. Remind me again why you bought it?

Ellen: Well, mainly because Jellybean needed a bed since we had whisked her daybed down to the newly finished basement, but really because she fell in LOVE with it. I justified the purchase because of the storage possibilities.

Erin: Jellybean is a good girl, she deserved it. Those drawers are fabulous.

Ellen: It can’t be justified. This is what we use them for:

Where candy goes to rot. She doesn’t so much like to EAT the candy as to HAVE the candy.

 

Erin: You know what would make you feel better? A good ol’ round of Pintershizz. There are much dumber things to buy for the home than Monster Beds that bring your children joy.

Laugh at the whole Pintershizz series here.

Laugh at the whole Pintershizz series here.

 

9 Things Pintershizz That Put Your Insensibility On Display

(Working Title in Japan: How to Have Fun With Grandma)

1. Actually Have Your Children Swinging From the Ceiling

Ellen: Really!?! That’s my basement.

Erin: I just thought it would be helpful to point out The Monster Bed was not alone in your house.

Ellen: Weird. Helpful is not the word that came to mind.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/swing.jpg”>swing

 

 

2. Chairs That Look Like Something the Cat Coughed Up

Erin: Okay, all poking at you aside, how about this one?

Ellen: Now that is Pintershizz! I wonder if you need a distemper shot to sit in it.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/distemper.jpg”>distemper

 

 

3. Chairs That Force You to Use the Words “Phallic Symbol”

Erin: Here, Grandma, we saved a special seat just for you!

Ellen: Gives a new dimension to awkward family moments.

 

4. Fridge of the Future

Erin: You just place your food in the gel to keep it cold. How could this not be a fabulous addition to a household with kids?

Ellen: I’m going to start working on the baby proofing for this now! We’ll be rich!
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/The-Blob-Refrigerator.jpg”>The Blob Refrigerator

Source: yankodesign.com via Mary on Pinterest

 

5. The Bathmat That’s Bringing The Feel of Outdoor Plumbing Back

Ellen: A bathmat for those of us who don’t have enough dirt, mold, and mildew in our bathrooms already.

Erin: Super duper shiny bright side? It can double as a litter box.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Moss-Matt.jpg”>Moss Matt

 

 

6. Because It’s Easiest to Find Pintershizz in the Bathroom

Erin: Yep, this toilet seat scale weighs you “Before” and “After.”

Ellen: Gives scientific quantification to the term “Dropping a load.” Yet another thing for Grandma to enjoy at your house.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Toilet-Seat.jpg”>Toilet Seat

Source: yankodesign.com via Sara on Pinterest

 

 

7. When You Want Agility to Be the Gauge for Who Can Use Your Facilities

Ellen: Grandma would be s*** out of luck with this rodeo toilet.

Erin: Waa waa.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Rodeo-Toilet.jpg”>Rodeo Toilet

Source: jwz.org via Sisterhood on Pinterest

 

8. For the Animal Lover/Contagion Fan

Ellen: Have you ever wanted to pretend you worked in a Biohazard lab while washing your dog? Want no more!

Erin: I’m sure you could use it with kids too. Nothing wrong with wrapping your kids in plastic while lovingly bathing them.

Ellen: Plus picture this curtain WITHOUT someone’s arms in it. Opens up the opportunity to explain to Grandma why your shower curtain looks like a giant tandem prophylactic.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Contagion-Shower-Curtain.jpg”>Contagion Shower Curtain

Source: solutions.com via RaVae on Pinterest

 

 

9. One of These Pins is Not Like the Other

Ellen: We’ve had a good time presenting home products, but sometimes you have to twist the theme to accomplish a goal: like poking fun at your blogging buddy. We began this post at my expense, but we’re ending it at Erin’s.

Erin: You do know I’m right here? What are you talking about?

Ellen: I’m referring to when you asked me where to get a laser pointer, aka “Blinding Device”.

Erin: Well, it is for Science Olympiad for my middle boys—refraction and mirrors and all that. It’s so cool . . .

Ellen: What did your homeschooling neighbor say when you asked her if she had one?

Erin: I believe her exact words were, “Are you crazy!?!”

Ellen: Well I found the pointer for you. If you’re going to go that way, you might as well go full on Pintershizz.
href=”http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Laser-scissors.jpg”>Laser scissors

Source: thinkgeek.com via Carmen on Pinterest

 

Erin: Wow.

Ellen: Just tell the boys not to run with them. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

 

-Ellen and Erin

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Ellen Williams and Erin Dymowski are the dynamic writing duo sharing the blog, The Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, but they don’t share everything. Erin has 5 kids with her husband Steve and Ellen has two kids with her husband Frank. They’ve got parenting covered from kindergarten to high school. Their blog is like a good Girls’ Night Out conversation: full of shared stories, advice, book recommendations, and recipes; dosed heavily with humor and a dash of snark; and sprinkled with truth and honesty softened with sweetness. They are Pinterest ninjas, carpoolers extraordinaire, and Nikon warriors. Ask them about their gold medals in competitive synchronized litter box scooping. You can connect with them on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

My attempt at household inspiration

I see all kinds of sweet plaques of inspiration, quotes, and passages for people’s homes that folks post on Facebook or Pinterest.

Gone are the needlepoint cross stitched framed hangings of “Home Sweet Home.” Not that people don’t have those, it’s just different now.

So I thought I would hop on the band wagon and get something endearing for our home.

Here’s the plaque:

So nice, right?

I showed it to Emma.

This is what she told me when she looked at it:

A urinal. Would you have one in your house?

You know, I really have my children to thank for many things. My loose and flacid bladder. My jiggly tummy riddled with stretch marks. My boobs that hang down to my belly button like deflated water balloons complete with their own set of stretch marks. But also, I have them to thank for so much blogging fodder, it’s ridiculous.

The Boy genius, Owen, said to me today, that what we really need in our house is a urinal. Now I always know to put ‘an’ in front of a vowel, so is it ‘an urinal’? That’s just weird and I can’t do that. So, I will say just- urinal.

Okay, he said this of course, while peeing in the toilet. Let me describe to you the situation. I’m in the kitchen getting my 12th morning cup of tea. (I jest.) I can hear him in our powder room down the hall with the door open, peeing. Like a race horse. Then I hear a no pee sound. You know, when the stream isn’t hitting the water anymore. Yeah, that’s the sound of the stream hitting the seat or the side of the bowl. You would think by now at 9 years old, he has pretty good aim. Think again.

That sound is like nails on a chalk board to me. That sound is why I have a container or Clorox wipes under the sink in the cabinet. Sure he takes a square of toilet paper and ‘wipes’ up his dribbles. Barely. I mean, it’s not like he’s thorough or anything. There’s a reason 9 year old boys aren’t in charge of cleaning homes. When he was little he would sit on the toilet. Yes, sitting. How I miss those days. He was a lot more accurate then. Now he revels in the power of standing to pee.

And then he says, “You know what we need? A urinal. Why are houses not made with them?”

After bursting out laughing, I thought for a moment. He’s right. A household urinal would be really great. I mean, I wouldn’t be sitting on it. I think it would catch all the wee and there wouldn’t be any stray spray on the wall or floor. It would be handy for other male guests that come to visit. I could create a whole line of scented urinal cakes. We could have pumpkin spice, creme brulee, caramel apple.

Sure, it wouldn’t be pretty. But it’s not like a toilet is that pretty either. We are just used to it. We can get used to the urinal too.

I, personally, would love a bidet. I’ve always wanted a little sit and sprinkle on my lady bits to save time. My grandparents in Germany always had one. I would ask as a little kid when I visited, what the extra toilet is for.

So we’ll just get our home replumbed with a urinal in the downstairs bathroom, and a bidet for me upstairs.

Now I just need to find on Pinterest any powder room decorating ideas for urinals.

Speaking of urinals, don’t forget to enter my prize giveaway.

Nope, no fancy bathroom plumbing or deodorizers for prizes. But real cash! And cook books, and aprons and all kinds of things. Perfect for the holidays. You just click on the Rafflecopter link to the side. For reals. Don’t worry, your info isn’t used for anything. But I appreciate you spreading the love and sharing my blog so your friends can enter too. November 12th we’ll announce the winner.

I’m like Jane Fonda of the 80s…only better

I’ve been on Pinterest a lot lately. And there are a ton of exercise tips. Lots of them. They all come with these pictures of some woman and her six-pack, that’s really more like a ten-pack. Thighs of steel, buns of supple perkiness that you could bounce a quarter off of.

So I pin all these exercises to my board. And guess what? They don’t seem to work unless I actually DO them!

Yeah. So I decided to make an exercise video that you all could pin to YOUR Pinterest boards.

You know all those exercise people are very intimidating. Their sculpted, toned bodies. Tanned and cellulite free. What a crock!

So I give you- ME.

When my friend and I would do the Jane Fonda video that her mom had and we used her VCR and it was like 1984, we were so excited to don our leotards and leg warmers. We really wanted to look like the girls in the video. I guess I have never lived that down. Which will explain my exercise wardrobe I selected for this clip.

The super high leg openings are like an 80s dream come true. And a bikini area grooming nightmare.

Watching this will make you feel so much better about yourself. And hey, you too can be just an average sized housewife like me. Just trying to stay out of the mom jeans and keep my muffin under control.

Stay hydrated and be sure to warm up first.