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The definition of a slut

Wow. We hear that word a lot these days. There’s slut-shaming posts everywhere. Slut-shaming is the new black. Let’s talk about sluts shall we?

What is a slut?

A slut is a woman thought to have a lot of sexual partners. A woman considered unclean, sullied. A female considered to be a prostitute.

Huh. So wearing a plastic bra and underwear on stage for millions of people to see, or swinging from a wrecking ball (okay, while NAKED) is considered having a lot of sexual partners? Or maybe it’s unclean? She looked showered and clean to me. I hope she was sitting on a towel though on that wrecking ball.

We all know who I’m talking about. I read comments on the internet from all kinds of folks. Whether it be trollish internet dwellers that like to just comment on a myriad of entertainment websites or YouTube videos, or even kids on Instagram commenting, everyone is using the word slut. Or maybe it’s parents describing the way teenage girls dress these days.

“It’s a shame they wear such short skirts, those little sluts.” Or a news talk radio host in my area calling Miley Cyrus a slut on his radio show after her VMA performance.

Considering she’s had 1 relationship (that we know of, of course) over the last 3 years; I don’t think she fits the definition of a slut. Right?

Now if we’re talking about that other little pop princess, what’s her name? Taylor something? Yeah, I think she’s had one or two partners. Can’t say we know if she’s slept with them, but yeah she sings about them any way. Must be those cute Coca Cola ads and her KEDS endorsement that keep us from calling her a slut.

I recently wrote about my struggle with seeing the woman wear hot pants, or short-shorts  in Target. I was struggling over the fact that my gut told me she shouldn’t wear that, and then my mind had to think it over and I realized, it was none of my business if she wore them. And what a woman wears doesn’t define her sexuality.

Now let’s turn the tables.

What is a stud? A stud is a man who has a lot of sex and considers himself good at it. Or others think he’s good at it too. Or according to the Urban Dictionary, a man that is a stud, is a cool dude that people want to be with and be like.

Huh. Interesting. So a guy has sex a lot, he’s a stud. A girl has sex a lot she’s a slut. What in the ever loving crazy fucked up logic is this? One is a high-fiving fist bump status, the other is a derogatory label.

I’m going to go with hetero relationships here, just for this post’s sake. It’s what I’m familiar with so that’s fair. Not sure how it relates to gays and lesbians.

In order for a guy to have sex a lot with multiple partners, he needs to have girls to HAVE SEX WITH HIM. If he did it alone, that would be called masturbation. No one is a stud because they have a lot of sex with THEMSELVES.

Can we just stop? Can we just stop using the word slut? I don’t want to slut shame anyone. I don’t want anyone calling a girl who wears a provocative outfit that might be inappropriate, a slut. I just don’t want to hear it. A woman can have consenting adult sexual relationships with as many or few partners as she wants. Just like a guy can.

And a young girl wearing a revealing outfit is NOT a slut. She’s just trying to figure out her body, her sexuality, what gets people’s attention. Maybe she needs guidance is all.

The word sounds out-dated. Like Negro or Oriental. It doesn’t seem to have a place in our society any more. Or it shouldn’t. Not if we want to stop the perpetuation of the rape culture we live in. That’s right. I said rape culture. Shaming women about their sexuality, making them feel guilty for being sexual creatures, and blaming them for the tempting of the male species are just some of the ingredients to this rape culture soup we’ve tolerated over the years.

Now, is a woman promiscuous because she is having unprotected sex, or sex without knowing her partner’s history? Then that’s a different story of concern. That’s not favorable for either man or woman. But having safe sex, lots of it, with lots of people is an adult’s choice. It’s the two adults that are doing it. It is not the clothes they wear or our job to define someone’s sexual prowess by our own assumptions. It’s none of our business.

Miley swinging on a wrecking ball naked or making out with a sledge hammer, doesn’t make her a slut. It makes me confused about construction sites and then I want to put underwear on her. Preferably a pair that isn’t white that she’s rolled around in over a pile of bricks.

Stop using the word slut and judging women unfairly for their sexuality. I am woman, hear me roar.


Can I still be a feminist and wear hot pants?

Walking into Target the other night, I couldn’t help but notice a woman from behind that was pushing her cart. The store was kind of busy for 8:30 pm on a Wednesday. This woman was noticeable, because not only was she incredibly attractive, but she had legs to her eye balls and was wearing short shorts that showed just the underside of her butt cheek when she walked. Oh, and she was wearing heels. Because heels with short shorts is a lot sexier than tennis shoes with short shorts, I mean right?

Immediately after noticing this woman pushing her cart, I also noticed two fellas at the front of the store checking her out. Giving her the once over. Kind of leering and even whispering to each other. One can only imagine what they were saying. And who knows, maybe it wasn’t so bad. Who’s to say a bunch of us moms notice a hot guy in the $1 section looking at votive candle holders or lunch bags, we might make remarks how he could eat cookies in our bed…. or something like that. Okay, anyway.  So we’ve got the two guys checking out the chick, and we have the chick wearing short shorts pushing her cart.

You could just see the bottom portion of her butt cheek. Did I mention that?  Just a hint. And let me tell you people, this woman had FABULOUS legs. I mean, slim, tone, smooth, GAYeez. And her butt was just as firm. Of what I saw of it anyway. You’re wondering how I was able to get so much detail. Well, I was staring too!  I wanted to ask her how many lunges she does every day. And yes, I was trying to stare discreetly of course.

Seeing her and seeing those men looking at her, brought up so many different feelings. Part of me wanted to cover her up, run to her with sweat pants and say, ‘don’t you know there are guys leering at you saying all kinds of gross things because of the fact that your ass is hanging out of your pants?’

Then the other part of me wanted to just let her be and high five her for looking so awesome and tell the rest of the guys, whether gentleman or douche, to just deal with it.

What a woman wears is nobody’s business. She can wear what she wants. We don’t require burkas in this country. But it still brought an internal struggle of mine to the surface. Are we liberated enough to wear hot pants? Or should the feminist in me see it as degrading and making women’s bodies an object and want to cover up a woman’s backside? Because feminists wear men’s suits and dress like Annie Hall or turtlenecks like Gloria Steinem. (Stereotypes- just kidding.)

Growing up, especially when I was around 16 and dating, my mom would tell me not to dress to the point of attracting the wrong kind of attention. She shared her observations of when she went to our local magazine store and she would notice the guys in the ‘restricted’ section and felt bad for the women in the magazine knowing these slimy men are leering at them. She’s no prude, but she is old school. I thought of what she said and imagined those men with the comb-overs going home with those magazines. God knows what they did while reading them. Now we have the Internet. Men don’t need to go buy a magazine. But anyways… my point.

I never wanted to pose for Playboy. But if Annie Liebowitz came a knocking and wanted me to sit naked in a vat of Nutella while she took some artsy shots of me, I’d go for it. It’s ANNIE LIEBOWITZ FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Sexuality and allure come in many different flavors. Some of it’s artsy and some of it’s trashy. But I will try not to judge a woman even if I think her clothes appear sexy trashy. I haven’t walked a mile in her shoes. I don’t know. And is wearing hot pants in Target trashy? Why can’t she wear what she wants? Well, she is, but you know, without me writing a goddamn blog post about it!

If we want to walk around in bikinis we should. This isn’t the Middle East or Amish country. We don’t have a curfew or a dress code. It’s not the woman’s burden to dress discreetly as to not arouse men. Oh here we go again!! Well, I’m just NOT going to go there. If you blame a woman for an unwanted advance based on the length of her skirt, you can fuck off. That’s all I have to say about that topic.

But for our own comfort- our own children- what do we teach is okay? Do we tsk tsk at the short shorts lady in Target, or admire her tone and sleek physique? We want our girls to dress modestly because we don’t want them ogled. But why is it the woman’s job to always button up? Why can’t dressing sexy be empowering as long as it’s tasteful? And isn’t taste in the eye of the beholder?

And let me just say, if this woman was 300 pounds and in Walmart, she would’ve ended up on the People of Walmart’s website in mockery, right? But because she’s 100 pounds we ogle and fantasize? Well, yeah it’s true, we do.

I have no answers. I dress modestly. My 13 year old daughter does too. Sometimes I like to show a little cleavage, a little leg. One day my daughter will too.  I will tell her what my mom told me and ask how she wants to be perceived. She has to dress for herself. Not me, not a fashion magazine, and not any man.

Honestly, all I keep thinking of is that woman didn’t have an ounce of cellulite!