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My Blog U recap, ovaries, and soy lattes

There’s two things you should know by now; I was part of the faculty for a blogging conference called BlogU in Maryland last week, and, Emma had surgery.

The surgery happened first. Emma has been suffering from ovarian cysts and some of the worst pain imaginable. After rounds and rounds with doctors, it was determined she would need surgery. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling of when you bring your child in to surgery and the anesthesiologist is going over risk factors with you. Blerg. But she was a trooper.

She told me that she had the nurses and doctors in giggles when she was ready to go under and asked if her ‘lady bits’ were showing. Classic Emma.

Basically they removed a cyst and some awful endometriosis tissue that was causing her pain and we found out she has a banana shaped ovary pretty much under her rib cage. It’s all so weird and well, weird. I will probably blog more about it. Because it’s kind of a big fucking deal. And also I think women problems need attention so stay tuned.

With that said- I had a lot on my mind these last few days.

So with Emma’s blessing, I hopped on a plane as planned, to Maryland for BlogU to meet up with the ladies of the Internet that live in my computer.

A couple things that I feel I need to elaborate on; 1) people look a lot different in real life than their thumbnails on a computer screen. I spent the majority of my time saying things like, “who are you? oh, you are shorter/taller than I thought you’d be”. 2) Friendships on the Internet are real.

BlogU faculty

The awesome in this picture makes me explode. From L to R, Naps Happen, Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, HouseTalkN and Underachievers Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess.

 

We converged on the  lovely campus of Notre Dame of Maryland University, near downtown Baltimore. The weather was uncharacteristically NOT humid and pit sweaty for the East Coast this time of year.

I continued to get texts from Emma of the nature, “I feel so bloated, I want to fart.”

And me replying, “Are you taking your stool softeners and your pain meds?”

I owe the world to my mom and my friend Kristi who stopped by to check on Emma, make her food and basically check to see that the house was still standing and not piled high with dishes in the sink.

Arriving on campus that Friday was, let me tell you, SO MUCH FUN!

I got to see and hug my roomie Kathy from the blog Kissing the Frog.

Frugie and Kissing the Frog at #BlogU

She is just as sweet in person as she is in her words on the screen.

Then there’s getting to meet Janel of the blog, 649.133, Girls, the Care and Raising of.

She scoured the campus for a ‘pop’. (She’s from Michigan.) Soda, cola, soft drink. She couldn’t find any ‘pop’. Not sure why there wasn’t a vending machine handy. But with her efforts only slightly more successful than Geraldo revealing Al Capone’s vault, I was on the hunt for a soy latte. Well, folks, we’re not in Kansas anymore. And  espresso isn’t on every corner like at home in Seattle.

What the what? This was difficult for me. It rendered me less capable of being any help at all really. When I put the resident helper campus student on a hunt for lattes, it was clear I had a problem. I didn’t actually make her physically walk to find me a latte. I just had her make a few phone calls.

Frugie, Kissing the Frog and 649.133 Care and Keeping of Girls at #BlogU

Look how awesome we are as greeters. “Welcome to BlogU. We can’t find pop or lattes and we’re grumpy.”

Let’s take a moment for an incoming text from Emma, “Mom. I still haven’t pooped. This is awful. I need to poop.”

Me, “Have some prunes. Are you drinking the Miralax?”

Emma, “I’m not eating prunes, gross.”

Me, “…”

(a few hours later)

Emma, “Oh wait! I had a poop baby, it’s a boy!” (I will spare you the picture of the smallest turd that she sent me.)

Me, “That baby needs to be bigger. I’m hoping for triplets next time.”

Back to BlogU—-

Friday night the faculty arranged a book signing and an Open Mic session for bloggers to read their works. I have to say, seeing so many fine ladies I love in one room, was a SQUEE-worthy moment.

Here’s my pictures to prove it:

 

Snarkfest and Frugie #BlogU

The ‘riotous’ Teri from Snarkfest. She’s such a huge supporter of my blog and I couldn’t wait to meet her. Plus she’s damn funny and was in the Pee Alone book with me.

 

Frugie, Real Life Parenting and Dried on Milk #BlogU

It’s my friend Jen from Real Life Parenting. And that’s Stacia from Dried on Milk photo bombing us. Photo bombing is all over BlogU. Like, epidemic.

HouseTalkN, Mom of the Year and Frugie #BlogU

See what I mean? More photo bombing. That’s Kerry from HouseTalkN and look- it’s Meredith from Mom of the Year! She’s my boo for sure!

649.133, Frugie and Domestic Goddess #BlogU

Who are these people and how did they get in my picture? Just kidding! That’s Janel and Andrea! Aww.

I never slept in a dorm in college. I only had my own apartment with a real bed and box spring. I had never slept on a dorm mattress before. Not bad for the two nights I was there. Not great either. Although, I was so tired, I probably would have slept on the lawn.

 

This is me Saturday morning with the fabulous Kerry of HouseTalkN. I’m pretending to smile since I’ve not had a real cup of tea, or a soy latte. Life is hard people. The struggle is real.

HouseTalkN and Frugie #BlogU

Look how ‘fake’ happy we look.

The day was filled with fabulous sessions, smart people, funny and phenomenal women. But no soy lattes. No really. It’s okay. I’m fine.

I had to save all my strength for the NickMom Retro Prom. I knew I would be wearing acetate, scrunched hair and frosty eyeshadow while busting some serious moves to Milli Vanilli, Bananarama and Madonna.

Imagine your prom (mine was in the 80s, well make that 1990, but kinda sorta the 80s) and take away all the adolescent hang-ups and self conscious social barriers (at least for me anyway) and you have the best dance party of all time. I mean it. Retro dresses, big poofy lace and neon fingerless gloves, tiaras and suntan hose, ass bows and crimped hair. It was pure gold.

I will tell this part of the story in pictures.

 

Frugie ready for NickMomProm #BlogU

Here I am in all my scrunched, frosty 80s glory.

 

 

 

BlogU NickMomProm

Oh my goodness. How does this picture not be more awesome? Julianna from Rants from Mommyland. I was so proud to put in her Bump It for her. Nicole Leigh Shaw and Kim Bongiorno. Oh, look, who is that little photo bomber? It’s Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat!

 

BlogU faculty at NickMomProm

Almost all of the awesome BlogU faculty

 

Yeah that’s me shaking my thang with Suburban Snapshots in pink. I did not hold back with my dance moves.

That’s Tara from You Know It Happens At Your House and look at HouseTalkN next to us. Goodness knows what song this was. Clearly we aren’t having any fun.

I have fifty bajillion more photos from the dance floor that are grainy and of lots of sweaty shiny ladies having a ball. And for the record, I was stone cold sober. I was drinking tea! Yes, tea.

OH, wait. This text just in on Saturday night from Emma, “I POOOOOPED! Oh my GOD make it stop, now I have diarrhea.”

I learned so much at BlogU. From meeting friends, making new friends, getting a shit-ton of information for my blog, meeting Huffington Post and NickMom people. Oh boy.

If you missed it this year, don’t worry. A little birdy told me there’s already a date set for BlogU 15. See y’all in Maryland next June!

It’s just a pinky

You know that saying, ‘the sum of its parts’? Well, one of my parts is broken, and it’s been difficult to function at 100%. Because let’s face it, when something’s broken, you’re NOT at 100%.

Tomorrow I go in for pinky surgery. It seems so silly to have surgery on the pinky, of all things! I mean, it’s just a pinky! Right?

Four weeks ago, Owen and I were playing catch with the football. Owen has a pretty good right arm. Oh, and for the record, I can throw a football. Properly. With a spiral and everything. But apparently catching footballs is difficult for me.

So Owen threw a really awesome spiral. Really hard. I shouldn’t have tried to catch it. It was coming at me a little low, down at my knees. I reached down for it and ‘crunch’. It bounced off my pinky and I heard something crunch which I thought was my fingernail. Then, suddenly, I felt somewhat nauseous. My fingernail was still in tact by the way.  And my adrenaline was rushing. I felt like puking. I hopped up and down and shouted a few swear words. Probably to the chagrin of the old lady walking her dog past the house when it happened.

I went inside to sit down. Owen didn’t pester me to keep playing. He knew something was amiss.

James of course, was convinced it was merely bruised. Just a bad sprain. Yeah, right. Okay Mister Knowitall, we’ll see. I kind of had an inkling it was more than a sprain.

Right after it happened. It doesn’t look right, does it?

The next morning I took myself to urgent care. The X-rays proved it was broken. And how.

I texted James with this picture.

 

His response- “Impressive X-ray.”  Impressive is right! You know when you don’t want something bad to be true, but just proving your instincts were right about something is gratifying? Well, something seemed to satisfy me knowing that I was right and he was wrong.

Because everyone takes a broken pinky selfie leaving urgent care, right?

The Orthopedic specialist I have been visiting several times this month was talking surgery since day one. But I was convinced that it would heal properly on its own. This time, I WAS wrong. It didn’t heal the way it should. It needed pins to correct it.

A silly little pinky needs 3 pins to correct the crunchy bone breakage that was caused by catching, or trying to catch, a stupid football.

I feel so dumb. But, you know, it’s hard to do things with one less finger. Not to mention the pain it’s been these last 4 weeks. I mean that literally and figuratively. So fixing it properly will be a relief.

My life, like most of us, has been off-the-charts busy. I had a Guild auction for Seattle Children’s Hospital and an alumni performance for my old high school. I had no time to take some days off to recover from a surgery.

Until tomorrow. Tomorrow is D-day. Or P-day, for pinky day. I’ll be in and out in a matter of hours.

McSweetie will drive me home to a comfy bed, bringing me trays of tea and Cookie Butter toast and ordering take-out for a few nights.

I intend on milking this situation as any mother can/should.

Oh, and whattya know? The pins will be in for 6 weeks, just in time for Christmas. I think I’ll need to take a break this season from all that crafting and holiday baking I was going to do. Ha! What do I mean, ‘going’?

That’s what bakeries are for!

Wish me luck. And soon, all 10 of my digits will be back to normal.