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Welcome to the party, and why the hell am I called Frugalista?

I want to just fess up and say that I think my blog name is stupid. I remember 6 months ago when I was coming up with my whole blog in the first place, I wanted a name that was cool like The Bloggess. I was also a little intimidated because this was my first blog and I was very self conscious about my writing. I really just threw caution to the wind and jumped in like people do for those Polar Bear plunges jumping in icy waters. Crazy! I say, crazy! So needless to say, I wasn’t going to name my blog Her Royal Highness, the Blog Writer. Now I’m kinda wishing I did.  Because, I feel like I can do anything. I practically wear a cape when I write. I feel invincible.

But I won’t kid you- criticism is totally my kryptonite.

Okay, so I’m not Superwoman. Or Wonder Woman. I couldn’t fit into those hot pants. But the boots are pretty cool… I might rock those cuffs pretty good too….

I'm sure most of you men are thinking, 'why is that picture so friggin' small?'.

I fall into the category of mommy blogger. For obvious reasons because I’m a mom, I write about my ‘stay at home’ adventures of car pool and bed times. The name Frugalista came to me because it seemed a good play on words for my savvy bargain hunting and my desire to be at Paris Fashion Week. So for those that are new to this page- now you know.

Remember that FRIENDS episode where Rachel makes the Christmas dessert trifle from a magazine recipe and the pages get stuck together? She puts meat inside the trifle because she thought that was part of the recipe. I’m that meaty center. Unexpected, maybe tasty, maybe not your cup of tea, but unique. So there.

I do blog about shopping and things I like. I like sharing what makes me happy. I am NOT a couponer. I’m like those new Ellen JCPenney commercials- no coupons on this padre!

So between the bitching about my husband, my kids, random people in the news, my obsession with movies… you know- I like to talk about great shopping deals, makeup, and cute little fashion finds. But I also have to pretend to my husband that I don’t shop EVER, except for groceries.  All that makeup, clothes and shoes, procreate like Gremlins after midnight in my closet. Right?

Despite what the calendar says, it is not Spring here yet.  It’s between the 30s and 40s for a high in these great northwest parts. So I’m ready to bust out my spring looks but hate hypothermia, so I’m still in fleece, wool and Goretex.

If I WERE to get all fashiony, these are my gems of what I’m excited about-

Colored denim. At first I was like all, you won’t catch me in yellow jeans. But then I saw a couple friends in cute skinny jeans that were colored and they looked SO cute. So I got a pair of cobalt blue. Hey, it’s close to denim right? So bright blue it is with a pop of orange or teal, oh, and some cute wedges and a pedi…. oh Spring, just GET HERE ALREADY!

WANT!

It's like Skittles for pants.

Scarves- I’m obsessed with scarves. I have more scarves than Imelda Marcos has shoes. Well, not quite. Maybe more scarves than Paris Hilton has chihuahuas.  I have plenty of warm weather, cold weather and all the weather in between scarves. I like something soft and lightweight around my neck (ha ha, no, not a dog collar thankyouverymuch).  Even when it’s warm out, having  a light weight scarf can serve several purposes- helps shield the sun from your decollete and keeps off the chills if the a/c is cranked somewhere.

Look how pretty and bright that is!

I bought at least three at H&M. They have wonderful prices and lots of great neutrals. I got a bright orange one at Nordstrom that was less than $20. I’m thinking it’s like my personal piece of sunshine to take with me wherever I go!

Next, let’s talk product-

Beauty Balms- For the ultra product-savvy, you know what these are. The industry calls them BB creams. For those that don’t know- these are like a tinted moisturizer that have SPF, primer, and brightening properties all in one product. They come on the really high-end like Dior- to the first ever at the drugstore brand- Garnier. I have yet to try the Garnier one, it’s sold out wherever I go. But the Dior one is great and so is one by Boscia. Some have one tint fits all, some have shades. If you are a less is more person- this is for you. You’ll get some coverage and sun protection in one product. Bam! You’re welcome.

Hair products-

There’s a line of products out there by ALTERNA  called Bamboo. I love their glossing creams and root sprays. They seem to have what the label promises, organic ingredients and I seem to be going back to them even though my bathroom looks like a Sephora store.

Find this at Ulta or Sephora.

Entertainment-

Yeah, I’m the queen of TV. Although, it seems as much TV as I watch, people will ask if I’m watching a show and I realize I haven’t been. So I know that I’m not watching EVERY show out there. Even though it seems that way to my husband.

GCB- the new show on ABC with Kristen Chenoweth, who I love! It’s over the top, ridiculous and campy. Perfect for me! Check it out!

And yes, she does sing on the show!

So there you have it. Like a little dish of candy all served up nice and sweet. Thanks for joining me. Tune in next week when I write about…. wait for it…. PMS- just like always. Okay, I don’t really know if I will, but 8 out of 10 posts seem to deal with that, so there’s a good chance of it in the forecast.

Smorgasbord

On today’s blog menu : Smorgasbord. Of the writing kind. There is no lingonberries or pickled herring. My apologies. Or, you’re welcome.

I have so much floating around in my head, I need to just get it all down. It’s like a solar flare in my brain. This must be why.

It goes something like this:

Birth control

Ugandan child rebel armies

Revlon color stay nail polish

Lindsay Lohan

Downton Abbey

See?? I told you!! What a mess. Please tell me I’m normal.

So the whole Douche Limbaugh birth control story got me fired up last week. Read here.. And then it was still in my craw this week. We are so seriously fucked up in this country that big Pharma gets billions of dollars for a guy to get his wanker up and we (females) get chastised if we don’t prefer to get our uterus inseminated. Millions of women go on birth control for dozens of reasons. To be perfectly honest, I was prescribed the Pill at a very young age to help stall the endometriosis that was wreaking havoc on my uterine wall. Because of the Pill, I have two beautiful children. After their births, I continued on the pill for some time to help the dysmenorrhea that plagued me and because, news flash- we were done having kids!

The world is different now. We can’t all just blaze a trail of procreation and have 7 kids each. Am I right? The Duggars are not my ideal. Can you imagine if we all had 20 kids? If you think there’s a problem now in our overcrowded world, then just wait.

Also- my pregnancies were both riddled with risks and problems. For myself and my children. I don’t want preeclampsia or preterm labor any more. Twice was good enough, thanks. If I die from kidney failure on my fifth kid, that doesn’t help the family much, does it?

I’m being really brazen here I know. But let’s not mince our words. Some of us like being pregnant and some of us think it’s seriously God’s vengeance on Eve. I’m in the latter in case you haven’t noticed.

So Rush- STFU! And by the way, I’m working on that sex video you wanted Sandra Fluke to post. It’s really good. (I’m totally kidding.) (Maybe.)

Then there’s the KONY 2012 video that is sweeping the world.

My take:

Yes- we need to stop Ugandan children from being pulled out of their beds at night and made into guerilla war pawns. We need to stop this from happening in ALL African countries.

We need to do our research and see what charities and organizations can be the most effective in this. Maybe it is the Invisible Children organization. Maybe it’s a different one. Some say it’s a scam. Some say it’s contrived and not worth the money and rates low on Charity Navigator. (like here) and (and here).  I will say this- Lisa Ling doesn’t self promote her documentaries she does for National Geographic and the Discovery Channel. This guy doing this movie seems a little pious in his zeal for his social network experiment to put him on the map. I might be wrong. But then again – he’s literally there in Africa doing something. SOMETHING. Not just sitting on a comfy couch blogging about it. Do what feels right. Not what the band wagon is riding on.

Revlon Color Stay Nail Color- I know, WTF? right? This is how my brain works. I’m worrying about orphans in Africa while doing my nails.

I am a self professed product whore (not THAT kind Rush), and I love me a shellac manicure. But they are EXPENSIVE. So I found Revlon has a new nail polish that says it has the same qualities as a gel manicure when used in conjunction with their base and top coats. And I will say <<applause>> they are kind of right. At about 6 bucks a bottle, this polish is a champ for staying put for at least a few days. Not 11 days like the ad says. But normally, my polish non-shellac kind, lasts about 24 hours. Revlon Color Stay Nail Polish.

Lindsay. Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay (sigh, shakes head). You are just not ready for the big leagues. Props to you for getting permission from the judge to leave town on your probation. (Snort, cough, did I just write that?) But you can’t pull of Saturday Night Live looking at the queue cards the whole time with your Restalyn injected face frozen into a half-smirk. If it wasn’t for Kristen Wiig in your major skits, you would’ve bombed worse than you already did. Try again another time sweetie.

(courtesy, crushable.com) This was super funny, despite L.LO being in it.

Downton Abbey- since when is Masterpiece Theater the shit? And I mean the shizzle, off the chain, Lord Grantham is in da house dawgs. Okay, was that too much Snoop Dogg circa 2002?

It’s just I love period pieces and I love snarky British people. It’s all Upstairs Downstairs 2012. It just captures the essence of what it’s like to be privileged, wealthy and cared for. OR, hard working indentured servant. Okay, they aren’t indentured. But I can’t decide more which group of folks I like better. The snappy hard ass Gran mama played by Maggie Smith? Or the conniving bitch of a maid Mrs O’Brien. It’s all just SO GOOD.

(courtesy pbs.org) Oh Maggie. You delight and surprise me every episode.

Mrs. O'brien, you are as classic a bitch as they come. (courtesy dailymail.uk)

Well, there you have it. My smorgasbord for the week. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I think I might go do some calculus or something. And by calculus, I mean, watch Bravo TV and catch up on my DVR.

Holla!

P.S.

There’s a contest on Circle of Moms going on right now for the top 25 funny moms. I think I qualify. If you do too- click over on the badge to the right and vote for me. You can vote once a day and you can vote for other blogs too. I sure as hell ain’t gonna win, but if I made it in the top 25, my boat would sure float. Thanks!

My own acceptance speech in perfect timing for this weekend.

I love awards and I love it when fellow bloggers of the WordPress community bestow awards on each other. It feels like in school when you get a candy gram or a special certificate from the principal. Once in high school I got the Perfect Attendance award as a Sophomore. I was even clueless enough to be at the pep assembly they were giving out the certificates of other achievements to accept my certificate in person. I didn’t realize what street cred this award would give me. How can anyone be so geeky as to get perfect attendance? Honestly, I just kept going to school each day because I was terrified of all the work I had to do if I missed any class. Second, it was one of the few years I didn’t come down with strep throat. Third, it all went downhill from there because my Junior and Senior years were spent heavily involved in thespians and forensics (that’s theater and speech and debate for you non vocab proficient people like myself) and we got to miss school a lot traveling to competitions.

So on to the awards:

The From Life Idle to Life Fantastic blogger gave me these awards- ALL FOUR- Holla bitches! (okay, that wasn’t necessary, I’m sorry.)

She is a sweet blogger who, despite her life being very different than mine; translation- I don’t think she drives a minivan or wears pajama jeans, but I could be wrong, she is a mom after all- she is supportive and witty and doesn’t even use swear words.

Qualifications of the awards are to accept, make a speech (see above boring diatribe of perfect attendance, the music would definitely have cut me off at the Oscars if I were to say all that), acknowledge blogger that gave you award and then answer questions about yourself. Pass on the award to 10 blogs you enjoy.

The Sunshine, Candle Lighter, and Liebster Awards State the following:

  • Act like a God among bloggers (write a post)
  • Give your Acceptance and Thank you speech  for the one whom blessed you with the honor. (See above)
  • Give the cream of your crop the award as well
  • Post awards on your blog if accepted

The Sparkly Ten Commandments are:

  • Give Thanks
  • Answer Ten Questions with Honesty
  • Pass it on to Ten Other Bloggers

I used to pretend Barbara Walters was interviewing me for her Post Oscar special. I would sit in my bathroom and practice, trying to get all choked up and cry for her like the other celebrities do. It was hard, because my life was so dang peachy. I didn’t have any good stories about sleeping on a bare mattress on the floor of our mobile home for years before my stardom, or how my blind mother drove me to auditions. I realize that is not only completely false but utterly preposterous. My mom is not blind!

So here goes: I will try to cry or get choked up at least once.

  1. Describe yourself in seven words:
    Fun, Beautiful, Charming, Organized, Brilliant…. wait… what? OH…. be HONEST… okay fine…. goofy, sensitive, volatile, picky, sloppy, devoted, empathetic.
  2. What keeps you up at night?
    Sometimes the neighbor’s dog. But mostly, I sleep through the night these days since the kids are old enough. I can tend to wallow in crazy obsessions from my over active imagination where I’ve concocted images of my kids in peril. Then my blood starts to run cold and I think of fuzzy kittens and rainbows and try to get myself to sleep counting unicorns….
  3. Whom would you like to be?
    Helen Mirren- I want to be British, saucy, and get away with anything.
  4.  What are you wearing now? My mom uniform- jeans and a thermal tea with socks, slippers and a sweater. I basically look like I walked off the pages of Cosmo, I know.
  5. What scares you?  Cancer scares the crap out of me.
  6. What are the best and worst things about blogging?
    I love that I can pretty much say what I want and most people get it. It beats a journal for sure. I hate the possibility of trolls coming around to spoil the party. I also dislike when my husband rolls his eyes at some of my posts. But I guess you can’t blame him.
  7. What was the last website you looked at?
    Facebook. duh.
  8. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
    To be better at cleaning my house. And Angry Birds. I suck at it. I can only make it past the first level on like 6 tries. It’s pathetic.
  9. Slankets, yes or no? If by Slanket you mean Snuggie, then yes. Guilty.
  10. Tell us something about the person who nominated you.
    She didn’t know what a Slanket was and thought a Slanket was a slinky mixed with a blanket. Which is better than what I invented called a fornikanket which is a blanket for two while they fornicate. You know, for those chilly nights.

Now for the 10 blogs I would like to forward these awards on to and hope you check them out. They are funny, sweet or downright blunt and in-your-face fantastic, and some have few followers since they are so new, so I want you to go visit them and check them out.

The Teacher’s Pen

Barking in the Dark

Lady Goo Goo Gaga

The Sticky Egg

If I Were Brave

Raising my Rainbow

Piperism

Kvetch Mom

She’s a Maineiac

Motherhood WTF?

So to these 10 that I have awarded these blogging awards- follow through with the rules and be sure to acknowledge me in your acceptance speech. Cuz I’m a needy whore that needs to be fed with affirmation.

Enjoy!

I’m afraid of trolls.

I’m not talking about the kind with the crazy pink hair or even the ones in Harry Potter or nursery rhymes. I’m talking about- blogging trolls.

Not these trolls. (Couresy of jeteye.com)

or this troll.. (courtesy savagedcharacter.blogspot.com)

I don’t like them. Nobody likes them. They are the playground bullies of the blogosphere. The bitchy housewives that snark at you like on a reality TV show.

I am lucky not to have had any trolls yet. My blog is relatively new. I imagine with the more visibility and popularity one gets that trolls are part of the landscape. I know some bloggers out there that have had some on their page. They post critical, nasty remarks. They love to whine in multiple paragraphs of what makes your blog stupid, or rag on your parenting choices or diss comments made previously by other readers.

I will put up my invisibility cloak to the blog trolls. Okay, that’s impossible. But still, I really wish there was a way to hide from them.

Someone’s comment summed it up best on another blog I read. They wrote- “If you were at a party and someone said a joke that was not really funny. You wouldn’t say, ‘that was the dumbest joke I heard. Why do you even bother? Gosh you’re such a moron!’ You would feign laughter and walk away to get another drink or something.” So let’s be courteous page to page like we are face to face. If you did say those things at a party, you’d be invited to less parties in the future.

The Bearded Iris recently posted about a blog post she wrote that was ‘trolled’. Iris took The Pledge to not allow that kind of stuff on her blog, to address it respectfully and promise not to participate in judgement and degradation elsewhere either.

Snoring Dog Studio also had a troll that she starved. They want attention. Trolls love when they can cause a fight. They shouldn’t be called trolls really, they should be called pot stirrers.

So click on the picture on my right hand feed or here: The Pledge , if you are interested. It’s okay to be nice.

I would like to say thank you to all the kind followers of my blog so far. I appreciate your comments and your support. I feel like a rookie in the blog world and there have been so many of you offering your encouragement and praise. And this needy Leo needs that like she needs air to breathe. So thank you.

And I guess, thank you to those that stop by to read and hate it and don’t say nasty things. I appreciate that too.

"If you can't say something nice...don't say anything at all."

STOP SOPA

Stop SOPA

Doggone it.

My Leo needy ways are going to have to be put on hold for 24 hours. Or more.

Blog readers, Mom, Facebook followers, I’m going dark to protest SOPA.

The Bloggess explained SOPA will make it possible for 50% of kittens to be strangled. Or something like that.

That’s not really what SOPA is. But SOPA is like George Orwell’s 1984, or Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 or Anne Coulter being President of  the United States. It’s awful.

So in the best interest of all of us on the internet who need to express ourselves openly and without any prohibitions, follow the link below. How else would you hear about my rants on Squinkies.

Censor Squinkies, not the internet.

Click here for info to protest internet censorship

I think she eats kittens. Scary. She's mean.

German cooking is more than Schnitzel.

What is it with food reaching into our souls?

I’m not a food blogger, and I don’t have beautiful pictures of food to go with my words that compare to a Bon Appetit spread.

But I wanted to share my mom’s talent for bringing us around the table in gastronimic harmony. My brother flies in from Chicago to have roast goose and Yorkshire pudding. My kids want to stay the night at her house just so they can eat ‘Oma’s food’. She’s the pied piper of her kin.

Mom was taught the old fashioned way. Put in the kitchen as a young girl in post World War 2 Germany with her Tante and her Oma. She watched, stirred, sliced and learned. She watched her Oma snap a chicken’s head off for Sunday’s dinner. This chicken was her pet at some point. But hey- this is post war, you’ve got to eat.

My early memories of food also consist of porridge. Porridge is what we called it growing up and what my parents call it. My dad is English, maybe this is why. I always felt like Goldilocks, but I never thought it was ‘just right’. I didn’t like porridge as a kid. But that’s what we had Monday through Friday and you ate it. No question. I couldn’t wait for the weekend when we could have cold cereal. But now I realize as an adult. My parents make really good porridge. It’s funny what you think is gross as a kid. But get used to. Then go off to eat it somewhere else and then realize, ‘hey, this is really gross, they don’t know what they’re doing.” So now I appreciate my parent’s porridge. A pinch of salt. That’s their trick. Not everyone knows this.

The majority of my memories of my mom’s cooking are good (minus the zucchini or cream of mushroom crepes she made when I was 5). Her cooking is the kind of cooking you come home for. The kind of cooking holidays center around. My German mother would make a pizza every Saturday night. She would start with making the dough. There would always be sausage on it and sometimes mushrooms, which I would only appreciate when I was about 15. I picked them off when I was 6. We would eat pizza and watch the Muppet Show every Saturday night. It didn’t need to be Italian, it was just damn good crust made by a German. She’s mastered pie crust, tart crust and bread crust. We like crusts.

Christmas was roast goose that she would flame with a splash of brandy before my dad would carve it. Oh, and my dad can carve better than Chuck Norris. I’m certain. If there was an Iron Chef carving contest- my dad would win.

Red cabbage simmered with apples and vinegar. So German. So good with goose gravy. Goose gravy that she would make for days before with all the giblets and whatnot that comes inside the carcass in that little paper baggy that 80% of Americans throw away, I’m sure. Mashed potatoes mashed only to the brink of fluffy. Not too much so they get gluey. Another mistake of most cooks. Cream, butter, onions. The trifecta of all good things made in the kitchen. Julia Child style.

What’s strange is my mom can cook really good Thai food too. How funny is that? She rarely makes (make that never) speatzle, she says it’s too much work to make. She doesn’t do schnitzle much either. But everything she does has her signature. The signature of decades in the kitchen and knowing what the heck you’re doing. She can make gravy that is rich and dark and poultry that is tender and not cooked a minute passed to the point of dryness. White meat that doesn’t need the gravy. But to not pour it over everything would be a crime because the gravy is so good.

Making Christmas dinner at my house this year, I was searing the prime rib to put in the oven; and I felt confident in my abilities. I thought, everything I do in the kitchen is because I watched my mom, ate her food, asked her questions and now I can do the same for my family. It’s really a bonus when I teach her something she didn’t know. Maybe she just pretends she doesn’t know to make me feel good. I stepped aside though for her to make the Yorkshire pudding and the gravy. Why try to paint Monet when Monet is standing there with a paint brush?

I think people who can cook well,  have an intuition, an instinct that can’t be learned from books or classes. I think they are people in day to day life that listen, care and are compassionate to humanity (except Gordon Ramsey, he blows this theory wide). How else would they know to fluff a meringue to perfection, slice plums for a cake, season green beans like summer in a bowl? There’s a nuance that is captured between the food, the cook and who they cook for. It might be love. Yes, it’s love for sure when it comes from mom.

Yep, that's mom and me slaving over the dinner. WIth Champagne.

Ahh, the sublime Yorkshire pudding. An English staple perfected by a German. It's not really a pudding, more like a pancake. Leftovers taste good in the morning with syrup. Who am I kidding? What leftovers?

I’m blogging about blogging and there’s so many others out there doing the same.

Blogging is a completely acceptable way of begging people to notice you and then tell you how witty and talented you are.  At least that’s what I’m learning. You get addicted to your site stats- when your readership goes up, when new people subscribe, when someone comments- OH that’s the best! It’s like my very own Christmas in my inbox!

I appreciate everyone that reads my blog. I really appreciate the one or two that tell me in person how much they enjoy it. I really, really appreciate it. Because I’m a Leo and Leos need compliments. All the time. James is still learning this.

It’s strange that there’s more people that I don’t know who are reading what is going on in my life.

But newsflash- there’s millions of blogs out there. Like stars. Too many to be numbered. On Word Press alone- there’s about 300,000 blog entries a day. So anyone that stumbles upon my blog and takes the time to read it, literally feels like someone finding me in a haystack and I’m the needle. The blogosphere is a very supportive community that understands how good it feels to be recognized. And let’s face it- there’s some dull blogs out there, preachy blogs out there and weird blogs out there. I won’t read about prophecies, hemorrhoid cream or ‘how to make this year the most successful yet’.

Blogging is even more liberating than Facebook. Facebook is a polite venue of conversation. Blogging is personal, (sometimes too personal) it can be rants, mushy sentimentality, ridiculous pictures of cats… I think what’s really weird about it is, I hated writing when I was growing up. I didn’t do very well on my essays in high school. The Beowulf midterm was a little sketchy. And I remember the Macbeth paper I was supposed to write in AP English. I don’t think I ever turned it in. Seriously. I had this aversion to writing. An English teacher in high school told me my writing was awful. Really. That’s what he said. He was proofing my essay on Shakespeare’s Julius Ceasar. And as he stroked his red pen all over the page, he shakes his head and says, ‘Gee, Rebecca, your writing is awful.’  He should’ve been fired. Well, okay, not fired. But I should’ve gotten all Glee on him and told him he isn’t supposed to wreck my self esteem like that. He needs to be more constructive in his criticism and not crush me.

I was an executive assistant for a start up company in my early twenties. The VP asked me to write an article for some environmental city official for some project we were working on. I froze. Don’t ask me to write! I can answer phones, do excel, expense reports, Microsoft Project, make coffee, whatever… just don’t make me write. In my own words.

I did. And I lived through it.

I was a theater major for crying out loud! I focused on acting. I never understood people who wanted to turn in screen plays or manuscripts. I liked to be told what to do. I was the puppet, the clay to be molded. I liked directors to tell me what to do.

I don’t know what changed. Facebook maybe? I am a constant proofer. I can’t stand errors and grammatical misuses. I like making up my own words though. Like ‘glowy’ and ‘thingy’ and anything else I can just add a ‘y’ to.

Blogging is like that annual Christmas letter you put with your Christmas photo each year and send to the relatives. Mostly the ones that aren’t on Facebook since everyone else knows what’s going on in your life. With a blog, each entry is like my annual Christmas letter. I get to brag, whine, gloat, preach, rant, rave whatever… Not that I would DO that in a Christmas letter. Maybe the brag part. Or the preach part.

I get to pretend I work for a fashion or beauty magazine and I’m the editor. I’m going to grace you with all this useful information! Suckers!!

I’m just muddling through really. And thanks for muddling along with me.

This was a boring ass post. My apologies. Here for fun- I will add a silly picture from the internet.

Green Giant’s butt

I have no real theme for this post. It’s pretty random. But it gets things off my chest. If all those things on my chest only helped my bra size, that would be really interesting.

Anyway…

something the Pre-teen said last night when I gave her homeopathic cold medicine. I know, some of you are like, ‘homeopathic’, is that a shot of whisky? And my answer is no, I tried that and she threatened to call CPS on me. There’s this product from Whole Foods called Kick Ass Sinus which I firmly believe in. It really shortens the duration of the cold. I sound like a commercial. Let’s say, it has an herbal flavor to it.

Upon drinking the two dropper fulls I put on Emma’s tongue, she swallows, scrunches up her face, shudders, quickly grabs the water chaser glass and says between gulps, “that tasted like butt”.

So I said, “Isn’t it kind of plant-y tasting though too?”

She says, “Yeah, it’s like vegetable butt. If I had to smell the Green Giant’s butt, that’s what it would smell like.”

She’s 11. Call Jon Stewart- this girl is working at the Daily Show! Okay, I want to work at the Daily Show. Only because I have a talent crush on Jon Stewart. I would so bring him coffee if he wanted me to.

While I’m getting things off my chest:

I hate Words With Friends

It’s stupid. There is something rigged on that game for sure. I always lose. I never get full credit for the great words I come up with. I’m always about 100 points behind my ‘friend’ I’m playing. I’m starting to call it Words with People that are Smarter than Me.

For example-

the other day I played the word ‘dildo’. You would think that is a high score word. Like 30 points. Wrong. 8 points. 8 whole fucking points.

Then I played, ‘diaper’. I even had tiles on the Triple Word, Double Letter whatever tiles. Diaper equaled 9 points.

Then my ‘friend’ or person smarter than me plays, ‘sit’ and gets like 40 points. WTF? Seriously. It’s out to get me.

I told you it was random. What do you expect for Monday?

Green Giant’s butt

I have no real theme for this post. It’s pretty random. But it gets things off my chest. If all those things on my chest only helped my bra size, that would be really interesting.

Anyway…

something the Pre-teen said last night when I gave her homeopathic cold medicine. I know, some of you are like, ‘homeopathic’, is that a shot of whisky? And my answer is no, I tried that and she threatened to call CPS on me. There’s this product from Whole Foods called Kick Ass Sinus which I firmly believe in. It really shortens the duration of the cold. I sound like a commercial. Let’s say, it has an herbal flavor to it.

Upon drinking the two dropper fulls I put on Emma’s tongue, she swallows, scrunches up her face, shudders, quickly grabs the water chaser glass and says between gulps, “that tasted like butt”.

So I said, “Isn’t it kind of plant-y tasting though too?”

She says, “Yeah, it’s like vegetable butt. If I had to smell the Green Giant’s butt, that’s what it would smell like.”

She’s 11. Call Jon Stewart- this girl is working at the Daily Show! Okay, I want to work at the Daily Show. Only because I have a talent crush on Jon Stewart. I would so bring him coffee if he wanted me to.

While I’m getting things off my chest:

I hate Words With Friends

It’s stupid. There is something rigged on that game for sure. I always lose. I never get full credit for the great words I come up with. I’m always about 100 points behind my ‘friend’ I’m playing. I’m starting to call it Words with People that are Smarter than Me.

For example-

the other day I played the word ‘dildo’. You would think that is a high score word. Like 30 points. Wrong. 8 points. 8 whole fucking points.

Then I played, ‘diaper’. I even had tiles on the Triple Word, Double Letter whatever tiles. Diaper equaled 9 points.

Then my ‘friend’ or person smarter than me plays, ‘sit’ and gets like 40 points. WTF? Seriously. It’s out to get me.

I told you it was random. What do you expect for Monday?

Oh really, you’re too kind. No really, you shouldn’t have. Okay, yes you should.

How’s this for irony? Last night I was watching the Kennedy Center Honors. Meryl Streep was being honored. ‘Nuff said. She is the BOMB. It was fantastic and she looks fantastic and one day I will meet her. Oprah says if you put it out there in the universe then it will happen. So there.

I went to bed dreaming of Meryl, the Oscars and how I will congratulate her on her win, because the woman has been nominated 16 times and she’s bound to be nominated for the 17th time this year and they sure as hell better just give  her the damn thing. I also thought of Rooney Mara, because she is just really cool.

And then I woke up and saw that a fellow WordPress blogger had honored me with the 7 x 7 Award! Yay me!

This was bestowed upon me by The Dissemination of Thought. A clever guy that writes and feels I’m clever too. That, or it’s just a cruel joke, like in Little House on the Prairie when they nominated that one kid for class president only to make him do yucky, awful things.

I’m supposed to list 7 of my blog posts and what is so great about them. These are hand picked by me and not my mother. So they will probably have swear words, and Daniel Craig. Poor James.

Here goes:

Most Beautiful- My post to my dad on his 80th birthday. So sweet. Ode to My Dad

Most Helpful- I would like to say my post about surviving the holidays, or any of my product features, but in reality it was my post called Medicated and Proud of It. A lot of people related to my rants on how to survive the day to day and see through the bullshit.

Most Popular– My post for Ashley and her completion of chemo. I think her whole family read it, that’s why it was such a busy site day! Dedicated to Ashley

Most Controversial– Well, I’m guessing it was my post on the show Glee and teen sex. Go figure. Glee- Coming out, First Times, and More Parental Anxiety

Most Surprisingly Successful– This sounds like, ‘oh, I wrote this and thought it was crap, but apparently you’re either stupid or it was better than I thought’. It was my fantastic list on parenting. Things You’ll Do Because You Are Parents

Most Underrated- Definitely my post on Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls. Dang I thought this one was superb! Dear Ben and Jerry’s

Most Pride-worthy– Only because it probably means more to me than anyone else. When Owen gushed his love for us at Thanksgiving. My Cup Runneth Over and My Heart Melteth and My Eyes Teareth

So there you have it. See for yourself what you think. I have like frickin’ 60 posts published, so there’s lots to choose from. Go ahead, waste your time and read all of them.

You’re welcome.

Here’s 7 blogs I enjoy too that I’ve bestowed the 7 x 7 Link Award. Like a chain letter sort of.

Never Done it That Way Before

Run DMT

Stay Out of My Head

On My Square

Becoming Cliche

Mixed Gems

Yummy Mummy