Follow on Bloglovin>
Ebates Coupons and Cash Back

The definition of a slut

Wow. We hear that word a lot these days. There’s slut-shaming posts everywhere. Slut-shaming is the new black. Let’s talk about sluts shall we?

What is a slut?

A slut is a woman thought to have a lot of sexual partners. A woman considered unclean, sullied. A female considered to be a prostitute.

Huh. So wearing a plastic bra and underwear on stage for millions of people to see, or swinging from a wrecking ball (okay, while NAKED) is considered having a lot of sexual partners? Or maybe it’s unclean? She looked showered and clean to me. I hope she was sitting on a towel though on that wrecking ball.

We all know who I’m talking about. I read comments on the internet from all kinds of folks. Whether it be trollish internet dwellers that like to just comment on a myriad of entertainment websites or YouTube videos, or even kids on Instagram commenting, everyone is using the word slut. Or maybe it’s parents describing the way teenage girls dress these days.

“It’s a shame they wear such short skirts, those little sluts.” Or a news talk radio host in my area calling Miley Cyrus a slut on his radio show after her VMA performance.

Considering she’s had 1 relationship (that we know of, of course) over the last 3 years; I don’t think she fits the definition of a slut. Right?

Now if we’re talking about that other little pop princess, what’s her name? Taylor something? Yeah, I think she’s had one or two partners. Can’t say we know if she’s slept with them, but yeah she sings about them any way. Must be those cute Coca Cola ads and her KEDS endorsement that keep us from calling her a slut.

I recently wrote about my struggle with seeing the woman wear hot pants, or short-shorts  in Target. I was struggling over the fact that my gut told me she shouldn’t wear that, and then my mind had to think it over and I realized, it was none of my business if she wore them. And what a woman wears doesn’t define her sexuality.

Now let’s turn the tables.

What is a stud? A stud is a man who has a lot of sex and considers himself good at it. Or others think he’s good at it too. Or according to the Urban Dictionary, a man that is a stud, is a cool dude that people want to be with and be like.

Huh. Interesting. So a guy has sex a lot, he’s a stud. A girl has sex a lot she’s a slut. What in the ever loving crazy fucked up logic is this? One is a high-fiving fist bump status, the other is a derogatory label.

I’m going to go with hetero relationships here, just for this post’s sake. It’s what I’m familiar with so that’s fair. Not sure how it relates to gays and lesbians.

In order for a guy to have sex a lot with multiple partners, he needs to have girls to HAVE SEX WITH HIM. If he did it alone, that would be called masturbation. No one is a stud because they have a lot of sex with THEMSELVES.

Can we just stop? Can we just stop using the word slut? I don’t want to slut shame anyone. I don’t want anyone calling a girl who wears a provocative outfit that might be inappropriate, a slut. I just don’t want to hear it. A woman can have consenting adult sexual relationships with as many or few partners as she wants. Just like a guy can.

And a young girl wearing a revealing outfit is NOT a slut. She’s just trying to figure out her body, her sexuality, what gets people’s attention. Maybe she needs guidance is all.

The word sounds out-dated. Like Negro or Oriental. It doesn’t seem to have a place in our society any more. Or it shouldn’t. Not if we want to stop the perpetuation of the rape culture we live in. That’s right. I said rape culture. Shaming women about their sexuality, making them feel guilty for being sexual creatures, and blaming them for the tempting of the male species are just some of the ingredients to this rape culture soup we’ve tolerated over the years.

Now, is a woman promiscuous because she is having unprotected sex, or sex without knowing her partner’s history? Then that’s a different story of concern. That’s not favorable for either man or woman. But having safe sex, lots of it, with lots of people is an adult’s choice. It’s the two adults that are doing it. It is not the clothes they wear or our job to define someone’s sexual prowess by our own assumptions. It’s none of our business.

Miley swinging on a wrecking ball naked or making out with a sledge hammer, doesn’t make her a slut. It makes me confused about construction sites and then I want to put underwear on her. Preferably a pair that isn’t white that she’s rolled around in over a pile of bricks.

Stop using the word slut and judging women unfairly for their sexuality. I am woman, hear me roar.

 

Want more middle aged confessions? Subscribe!

Comments

  1. This is simply fabulous ~ yes!!! YES ~ Perfect words and you nailed it totally. That has always been a sore spot for me….Men are Studs that have lots of women, but women are whores (in my younger days, that was the word of choice and I can hear my mama telling me this) that have lots of men. Shame shame on us for shaming women for doing the SAME thing men do ~ thanks for a great post!

  2. I feel the same way about the word “gay,” or any word synonymous with a woman or woman’s body part, being used as an insult. Since when is it OK for these words to be used to call someone something lesser?

  3. Oh, I love you. I remember reading a post about The Dixie Chicks that called them whores. Hmmm…if you don’t like a woman, calling her a slut or whore is the best you can do? Why is that? Is that the worst of the worst that a woman can be called?

  4. You nailed it again, Oops, wrong construction word……you’re right on…..and I say if a woman walks down the road, sidewalk buck naked that …NOPE…. she is not rape material…..she is a naked woman..or man….same goes for skimpy or sleazy cloths….they donot allow unwanted advances…..
    Not advocating taking that walk or skimpy or sleazy dressing….there is never an excuse for ‘rape’ … and you’re so right on the mis-name calling
    I’d like some of my old words back whose meanings have changed…just another thought for another article for you….

  5. I hate it when people use any kind of malicious name for anyone- I don’t think it’s our place- ever. Unless you are personally being attacked by the person. Then perhaps, the defense stance is necessary. Name calling is purely and entirely immature. That’s my two cents!!! 🙂

  6. I <3 sluts!

  7. hear, hear! I couldn’t agree with you more.

  8. I remember when I first learned the power of this word – in high school. It was perhaps the one way for me to have power over those girls who broke the rules – who neither cared about nor excelled at things like academics or the arts or being a “good girl”. Things I worked my ass off to do really, really well. Now it that I am older (and am not a virgin) I can question those rules, the words, the reasons and of course, the double standard. Thank you so much for such a great exploration of this issue!

  9. Poor Miley. That girl needs a hug – from someone who gives a shit.

  10. Amen, sister… I’ve always had a low impression of Miss Taylor by comparison to Miss Miley. My impression of TS went up when she stopped wearing that childlike curly hair with the awful sidebang thing, and my impression of Miley went WAY up when I realized how GORgeous she is with white blond hair and red lipstick. Hey, it worked for Madonna. I think Miley is doing something clever and intentional and I can’t wait to see her endgame.

  11. I think “slut” is an antiquated word, really. In this day and age, women own their sexuality. They know exactly what they are doing and how to protect themselves. If they choose not to, that doesn’t make them sluts; it just makes them careless. I agree with Keesha that slut is really just word to call someone you don’t like, like any other derogatory word, the only power it holds is in what you give it.

  12. Precisely how I feel, thanks for your excellent post. I disagree that the only power words have are what you give them, and is certainly not in the instance of the word slut, is it “just” a word being used against someone you don’t like. Women are being called sluts to influence how others see them. Perceptions of the word by others determines its impact. How many people think badly of Miley because of the words being used to describe her rather than her actions is the point- not how Miley herself takes it personally. It takes more than turning the other check or ignoring the use of it to change the words impact.

  13. The word slut actually a different meaning way back when and it meant someone who worked in a kitchen usually doing the dirty jobs like washing pots or cleaning the floor. I agree with you, it’s none of my or your or anyone’s business how many partners a woman has. I am a FIRM believer in a don’t ask don’t tell policy for everyone. I didn’t ask, please don’t tell me. I really don’t want to know. However, tackiness is a whole ‘nother ball of wax. I don’t care whether Miley slept with 1 or a hundred people, It’s icky to be foam fingering yourself in front of other people. It’s in poor taste to be waggling your bum up against the crotch of a married man even if it’s just for a performance (And that goes for Mr. Thicke too!) It’s gross to be grinding on a wrecking ball with no undies, and licking a sledge hammer (Did anyone think to sanitize that thing after it’s been used to knock stuff down? Ew!) So I don’t know. A person’s sex life is private and it’s not for anyone else to make judgements. A person’s very public lack of class? I’m judging. I really can’t help it.

  14. I applaud your thoughtfulness. Well done. Ellen