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Traveler’s Hotel Stomach- a BlogHer recap

BlogHer 2013 in Chicago was a whirlwind of making connections, meeting internet goddesses in real life, networking my ‘brand’ opportunities, and suffering from Traveler’s Hotel Stomach. Yes, THS. Do you suffer from this?

What is THS? THS is a horrible condition that debilitates the proper function of, wait for it people- your bowels. This pretty much occurs whenever I leave my house and stay in a hotel. Even if I drive twenty minutes up the street to stay in a hotel, I will suffer from THS. I will bloat and get backed up. I will not be able to properly vacate my intestines. Of course, I was feeling self-conscious with all my roomies just a few feet away on the other side of the bathroom door. This might have added to my uptight feeling of trying to poop subtle like and not obvious.

I’m amazed that the Expo Hall at BlogHer didn’t have a FiberOne booth. Or a Dulcolax booth. They should really look into this. Among my close blogging friends, and let’s admit, even not so close, much was shared about THS. That we were all suffering from the days of gestating a poop baby.

You would think the vegan chorizo mexican burrito breakfast bar would have done the trick. No. No it did not. Again, the salad and Mediterranean couscous lunch buffet should have helped. No luck.

By day 4, we were all sharing notes of how we wish that we could relieve the THS that was lurking. Was there no colonic booth at the Expo Hall either? Geeze, what were these organizers thinking?

If you think that THS falls under the category of TMI, then I’m sorry. It proves you’ve never suffered.

There are trips when I have the converse of THS. This is called, “Oh Snap I Ate Something Weird And Now I’m Practically Shitting My Pants.”  This has happened to me in a castle in the hills of Heidelberg. Apparently there are few public toilets available on a Sunday afternoon after one has had too much Hefeweizen and some soft cheese.

If you attended BlogHer and had fabulous bathroom experience ala Jaime Lee Curtis in an Activia commercial- then congratulations to you.

I do everything I’m supposed to and THS still plagues me.

For instance, here’s some feedback from my roommates this year- Anna from My Life and Kids says, “I haven’t pooped in 6 days. I’m waiting for something to kick in.”

The Bearded Iris says, “Usually I bring my prunes and this trip I forgot them. I could sure use some prunes.”

While we all waited anxiously for our poop babies to be delivered, the great thing was the common bond of constipated women in one room. I made some true friends this weekend. I’m not shitting you.

Before I go off on some horrible poop puns- I will just leave you with this picture.

 

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Comments

  1. I never know what the appropriate gift is for ladies who are expecting a poop baby. Wipes? Blankets (for those really big poop babies)? Quilted Northern? So hard to know the best gift to give. How about a gift card to “New Undies R Us”?

    ps….happens to me every time

  2. I get up early (and usually hung over), down a strong cup of joe, and head out for a run. Not ideal, but it works. #poopproblems

  3. I had Miralax in my bag – I always travel with it! I thought you heard me offer it up to the poopless gang. So sorry I couldn’t help your colon. Next time you suffer from THS, you find me and I will help get things a-movin’.

  4. You are the only person that could make me read poop talk. I love you. Congrats on the delivery.

    • In respect to your anti-poop feelings, I refrained from dragging you in my circle of shame on this post.

  5. Ah, this post couldn’t be more timely as I’m heading on a trip this weekend–and I get to see YOU at the end of it! Hopefully I’m not “with child” by the time I see you! I’m well-known throughout our entire (extended) family for my THS. I’ll be packing some Miralax or something to help!

    • When I see you next week, I’ll give you an eyebrow raise that indicates, “how’s the baby?”

  6. It was so relieving to finally go into labor when I got home. I had multiples.

  7. Why not nip the poop in the bud before going on trips, verbally acknowledge to your bowels that they’re shy, and grab the stool by the horns and just plan on visiting the gym/pool toilet twice a day with a good book? It’s not your hotel room, so you’re more anonymous. I also find that turning off the lights and/or reading something distracts me from active effort and things progress more…erm..smoothly. Actually, folks with shy poopers un-nerve me. The only thing I worry about is the stank. Otherwise I could pretty much go anywhere. So how was the trip otherwise?

  8. Oh, that picture! Bwahahahaha! It’s true, I make a great conference roommate because I never stink up the joint…especially if I forget to bring my prunes! I love your creative spin on the typical post-BlogHer wrap up. Glad we all safely delivered our food babies and yes, next year they really need a Benefiber or Miralax booth!!

    • I’d have a colonic. They could have the booth right next to the Jamba Juice banana guy and we could get our pictures afterwards.

  9. Oh Frugie- I’m so so picking up what you’re laying down (or, um, not laying down, in this case) Patti and I were roommates and even had a very elaborate pooptime-share schedule, we were prepared, open to the process, armed with the Miralax and the Senekot and we STILL had issues. THS- It’s real, people.

    • Was there a spread sheet involved with the pooptime schedule? What gives? Senekot AND Miralax? Geeze. It has to be a mental block, er, issue. Whatever.

  10. I am so glad that someone has finally had the courage to speak about this horrible, horrible scourge on humanity. We should have a telethon. I’m no longer afraid to admit that I too have THS. Thank you so much Frugie. Maybe Johnny Depp will MC for us?

  11. Girl, I ALWAYS get my pipes backed up when I travel, and last weekend was no exception. I’ve been eating lots of salad since coming home. Next year, I’m bringing Metamucil.

  12. Oh. My. I am sooo glad I’m not the only one! I’ve never talked about it…because I thought it was weird that I had poop problems when I’m away from home.

  13. In college, I had the opposite problem. My bowels worked too well, and I shat constantly. It could have totally been due to the amount of beer I consumed, though. In any case, a whole shitload of us (haha, get it?) lived together b/c we were tightwads and having 6 people in a 4-bedroom made rent, like, $3. One day I came back downstairs from taking a poop. One of my guy roommates goes, “1 down today, 2 to go!” I hadn’t realized they were all keeping count. They must have really loved me. 🙂

    • Those are some special roommates you had there. Also, I’m glad you educated the male species that we in fact DO poop.

  14. Holy shit, this happens to me too whenever I travel. I don’t know what it is! Well, I guess thanks to you, now I do. I learn so much from you, Frugie. First makeup, now this. Is there no end to your knowledge?

    • Holy shit- no pun intended, right Kathy? There really is no end to my knowledge. It is vast. Like my bowels.

  15. This might be the BEST BlogHer recap I’ve read.

  16. Clearly, the BlogHer powers that be assumed I had completely different and slightly more mortifying bowel issues. I was the lucky winner of the grand prize of a giant hamper of BEANO – enough product to ensure I could arrive home, gleefully yelling, “kids! We are NEVER going to fart again!” And they say the swag wasn’t good this year…

    Ps – Did your poop baby get a name? Also, I’m feeling guilty because I’m pretty sure Mrs Balls could have helped you.

  17. The one great thing the Expo Hall DID have to help with the discomfort of THS? A LOT of noise to cover up the sweet release of some of the foul gasses associated with THS. Plus? There were so many people in there, if someone happened to smell it, they’d NEVER be able to figure out who dealt it.

    • I admit. I released some air in the Expo Hall. It was loud but not smelly. Thank GOd!

  18. Christopher Tipper says:

    Sis

    Okay, I’ve got to ask. Do women’s bowels sync up as well? You know. Like the other thing?

    Also, wow, as the only guy commenting here (I think), I had no idea you ladies talked about this as well!!

    We had a young family member do a week long away camp thing last summer. When said person returned – now keep in mind this young person had been running around for about 8 hours per day for 5 days – home from camp we found out said person was also suffering from THS. Except we referred to said person as a “poop camel”

    🙂

    Bro

    • Huh. Why are more men not commenting? Oh, dear. Said person is staying at my house. I will see if there is still some poop cameling. Wouldn’t want said person to be uncomfortable.

  19. Activia shoulsd really be served at every meal. And? I seriously considered taking a laxative before I left to be sure I was clean when I got there because I KNEW this would happen.

  20. I am so glad that you are bringing this issue out in the open. There really should be a research foundation to study and eradicate this national health epidemic.

  21. Deviating from my normal schedule always messes up my poo schedule. I went to a conference once after being on a no bread kick for a while. I ate regularly at the conference, and it gave me the worst stomach ache at 2am and again after breakfast. My roomies loved me.

  22. Fiber one had set up a booth for the first day events – PathFinder, etc. They really should have marketed themselves a little better. I found alcohol was my savior. Next time – drink hoppy beer that you don’t normally drink. Your roommates will hate you, but you will feel better.

  23. I’ve never had a BlogHer poop. I think we should take this complaint directly to the authorities.

  24. Oh lordy. I have been all over the place – 2 weeks in Brittany with 18 members of the extended family, home for less than a week, BlogHer, then DC, now NC visiting family before we go to NJ then back to France. I have been using those Fiber gummies we got at HealthMinder – stop and start, stop and start – sometimes they work too well, sometimes not at all.

    Somebody save me!

  25. This is the funniest shit I have read about BlogHer! Poop Baby has me crying. I love it! Sorry your pain causes me great laughter. 🙂 <3 Devan

  26. Hey, shy bowels?! Have your bowels not been told about the PUBLIC BATHROOM in the lobby?! Get coffee, go downstairs, and do some natural poop birth there. Anonymous, satisfying, and anonymous.
    Reading this has Activia’d my system. Be back in a few.

  27. Fellow THS sufferer. I (purposely) ate McDonald’s in the airport on the way home. Timed it perfectly. Walked in the door, hugged all the kids, yes, I missed y’all too, but excuse me for about 20 minutes.

  28. Because I know this would plague me, I’m going to wait to attend a blogging conference until someone creates a vaccine for THS.

  29. I’ve suffered from this in the past. It is not okay. But’ I’m a planner now. My girlfriend hooked me up with some Chinese Herbs and I was “good to go” the entire trip.
    And really hot coffee always helps, too.

  30. Where was Jamie Lee Curtis when we needed her?? Missed sponsor opportunity right there. Ellen

  31. This is hilarious. I don’t usually face this problem but know many who do. I agree – better sponsors with respect to poop is the way to go!