When you are a parent you are open to a huge amount of unsolicited advice and questions about your parenting and/or your children.
It starts with pregnancy-
When are you due? Okay this one is harmless and I ask it too.
What are you having? A baby.
Oh you aren’t big at all. Seriously? I’ve gained 40 pounds, can’t see my feet or tie my shoes, and when I sit on the toilet I lean back because my belly hits my knees; but sure, I am so petite. Yeah.
Oh you are big. No shit.
Then comes the baby-
What’s his name? HER name is….was the pink hat a clue? How about the dress? I don’t mind gender neutral babies, people who don’t like pink fluffy stuff. That’s fine. But if the baby is wearing pink, I’m pretty darn sure it’s a girl.
The following questions are my favorite:
My friend is half Korean, her husband is Chinese. Her daughters both look Asian. I guess my friend looks less Asian. While out with her infant daughter at a store, a woman asked, “Where did you get her?” I guess she meant what country and that my friend’s daughter looked nothing like her; ergo she’s adopted. Whatevs.
My husband’s cousin has three children. I am one of three children. My husband is one of three children. There’s a lot of people with three children. When mentioned cousin was out with all three of her children the other day the words, ‘you have your hands full‘ were used. This is par for the course. Then, the woman asked, ‘Are they all yours?‘ She’s not Octomom for crying out loud!
Other mundane conversation starters- Is he sleeping through the night? You’re using cloth diapers? Good luck with that!
She still sleeps in your bed?
You’re STILL breast feeding? What? It’s not like he’s TEN!
OOh, you STOPPED breast feeding? That’s sad. My nipples had fallen off and the doctor recommended I stop.
You look tired.
Thanks. I am. Of you.