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Yep, parents have sex. Ew, gross!

Like the Modern Family episode- the Anniversary- the kids walk in on the parents to surprise them with breakfast in bed.

They get more than they bargained for.

Luke- “It looked like they were wrestling and dad was winning.”

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I should send the following dialog to ABC. I think they would appreciate it. My screen play is in the works.  Okay, I will try to capture every essence of the HORROR my daughter experienced during this conversation:
(Some background, my daughter is 12. She is a very mature 12. Knows the birds and bees stuff. But she still thinks sex is icky (thank GOD) and she definitely thinks the thought of her parents having sex is SUPER ICKY)

Me: You and your brother need to go to bed before 10 tonight. You guys have been staying up too late. Plus, mommy and daddy need some mommy and daddy time.

Her: What do you mean ‘mommy and daddy time’?

Me: Well, you know, it is after all, your father’s birthday. It would be nice not to watch Phineas and Ferb before we go to bed, and also get some time together. (So trying to be subtle here.)

Her: Eww!!!! WHAT???? You do not DO THAT??? Are you saying you and dad do THAT in the house??

Me: Where would you like us to do it, in the back yard?

Her: MO–om! I mean, don’t you like, DO IT when we are gone?

Me: When are you and your brother gone and we are home alone? Never. So yes, when you go to Grandma’s in a couple weeks, we’ll have some time then. But every other week, we gotta do it under the same roof as you.

Her: So, when we are home sleeping in our beds, you and dad are all, like, kissing and stuff NAKED??? What if Owen walks in?

Me: We take our chances and lock the door. (seriously, I’m grinning so hard on the inside during this convo.)

Her: Well, then I’m coming in your room at night from now on to prevent that from going on!

Me: You sure you want to do that? I mean, what if you come in at accidentally the WRONG time?

Her: OHMYGOSH!!!! YOU’re right!! I’m never coming in your room again. Oh, I’m going to throw up.

Me: Seriously, sweetie. It’s no big deal. We had to make you and your brother at some point. Just think, each of your grandparents did too. And THEY have 3 kids each.

Her: OH MY GOD!!! SCRUB MY BRAIN SCRUB MY BRAIN!!!! WHY did you SAY THAT??? Now I can’t help but think…… oh….. EWWWWW!!!

Me: <giggling> I’m so glad we had this talk sweetie.

Her: I’m going to go scrub my eyes and watch kitten videos on YouTube. I might vomit first.

Me: You do that honey. Just remember, bedtime is 9:30.

Her: <No words just the hugest eye roll EVER.>

 

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Comments

  1. bah hahaha. Almost the same conversation with my son. He learned the hard way not to just walk into our room without knocking. We learned the hard way to always, always, lock the door.

  2. LOL. Love it!

  3. Carmen says:

    My daughter is almost 11. We haven’t had the talk yet but I found your post hilarious! I couldn’t stop smiling while reading it. Thank you so much for sharing. I needed the laugh today.

  4. Love this! LOL

  5. J-Dub says:

    You know, if you think about it, there are varying degrees to this. It’s one thing to walk in on your parents having garden-variety, vanilla missionary sex, but it’s gotta kick up the creepy factor to discover your parents are into whips and chains…

  6. One tired mama says:

    Hahahahahaha!

  7. Oh my GOODness I’m dying…this is funny as hell! I can completely see having this convo with my 10yr old. She would be splashing hydrogen peroxide in her eyeballs, I’m sure. We’ve gotta keep ’em on their toes though! :-)

  8. muddledmom says:

    When I just had the talk about sex and reproduction with my son, he asked, “Did you and Daddy do that?” If he knew we did it for fun, I can’t imagine the conversation. Sometimes kids need to squirm a little. They sure make us squirm sometimes.

  9. Kathy at kissing the frog says:

    “scrub my brain” LOL. Oh how I wish I had a girl!

  10. hemsforher says:

    I can’t wait for the day I get to have this conversation with Sean!

  11. Kim says:

    Best conversation ever!!!

  12. mj monaghan says:

    That is one of the best kid – parent dialogues, ever!

  13. Melissa Carney says:

    love it. bet you LYAO when she left the room…

  14. Outstandingly hilarious!!!! LOL 😀

  15. Melanie B. says:

    So hilarious. I read my daughter the “It’s Not the Stork” book and had a similar reaction. Although, I am still traumatized as much as she was! ha! Great post.

  16. Yes, the backyard sounds reasonable to me. In a tent, preferably. McSweetie should bring the bug spray. You’re bringing 50 Shades, yes?

  17. leeanne1 says:

    Really funny post, thanks!:)
    I’m not sure I’m looking forward to conversations like this, but then again, we’ve got 10 years or so to figure it all out.
    I’m still waiting for the day my 2 year old is old enough to articulate the questions I’m sure he’ll ask about the different body parts etc and how they’re used. I can tell he’s curious, he just doesn’t have the words. Good times! Ugh..

  18. Every other week? Your husband is a lucky man!