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AYFKM?* : Boob vouchers

“I can’t wait to be like mummy with big boobies. They’re so pretty.” Poppy, age 7.

No, not me or my daughter. That doesn’t run in this family.

Do the blogging gods just make this stuff up? Does it magically fall in to my lap so I can poke fun at the unsuspecting half-wits?

A mom in the UK gave her daughter a voucher of liposuction as a Christmas present to be redeemed when she is 16. She already gave her a voucher for her birthday for breast augmentation to be used later as well.

Mummy has had over 50,000 UK Pounds of work done on herself. That’s as in currency, not silicone.

When responding to criticism, she says, “Poppy (the daughter) is a normal girl, like any other. Girls don’t want Snow White and Cinderella anymore. They want to be WAGs.”

A WAG is a British term for a wife or girlfriend of a high profile soccer star. Oh my GOODNESS! It’s like what we call an MRS degree!

Only they don’t go to college for it, they get plastic surgery for it. I guess that means there’s soccer groupies that hang out after games with their big boobs, skinny arms and pouty lips. PUHLEEZE!

We can’t all be brilliant Tina Feys or Madeline Albrights; self-described unattractive females with enormous BRAINS. (I know, who else would lump those two together but me?)  Some like being intellectual, bookish, brainy. Like Sarah Vowell. Incredibly witty, with an edge, a dry side that you never know what is going to come out of that head of theirs. Talent, success based on talent. Shall I go on?

To each his own. I’m not against plastic surgery. I wish the tummy tuck fairies would come in my sleep and do their job. I might even get Botox one day. (Oh hush James).  I like pageant girls too. The Miss America scholarship kind. NOT the Toddlers and Tiaras kind.

Sorry, but white trash getting behind on your trailer payments so your daughter can be Grand Supreme (sounds like a burrito) and wear a crown bigger than her head, just isn’t right. Especially when they whine and cry the whole time. Because we need more shows with kids whining and crying.

Poppy’s mom is an event planner for plastic surgery and swinging parties. Wow, you folks in the UK don’t mess around do you? I mean, you do, but, well, you know what I mean.

She idolizes the UK media sensation Cheryl Cole. Didn’t she get fired from Simon Cowell’s show and is divorced from her husband Ashley? Psst. He’s a guy that cheated with a woman from these parts and she sold her story to a British tabloid. Google it.

Ridiculous UK Daily Mail article of Poppy the wunderkind

I can't tell if she's excited or her face is just frozen that way from Botox.

*Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

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Comments

  1. Poppy Burge: she sounds like some sort of organic seed. Or a muffin.

  2. Lol-very nice…well your take on it, not the subject. Good write

  3. Amazing…just…well..just amazing. Hope Poppy can rely on her large breasts to get her into college when she’s older. God knows we don’t need more scientists or engineers in the world. What we really need are more people who are encouraged to think that large breasts matter, and bright minds don’t. That’s a formula for a great future..don’t you think?

  4. It’s totally botox.

  5. This article would have been more timely a month ago … I couldn’t come up with any good ideas for my 11 yr old daughter for Cmas. Well, there’s always next year!!

  6. What happened to kids wanting ponies for Christmas?

  7. i confess i read this because the word “boobs” was in it (i am a lowly man). now i see it applies correctly to the boobs who act as you describe. wittily written…and i think tina fey is gorgeous…more so because she is so damn smart. continue…

    • ooh, you fell for my trap! Thanks for reading. Tina Fey would probably not believe you think that she is gorgeous. Smart girls are cool, no matter what some say.