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AYFKM? Round 2

I have to get this off my chest. My tiny little 32B chest. Sorry. TMI?

Toddlers and Tiaras

I know, I know. This show gets flack all over the place. We can’t complain enough about it. Emma will watch it now and then. She has my weakness for crap television. A sad trait she’s inherited. The episode she watched the other day had a 3 year old and a 2 year old. Now I know the show is called TODDLERS and Tiaras, hence the Toddlers. But sometimes they have 5 and 6 year olds. These were real toddlers. Or as Emma calls them ‘baby childs’. And she’s not from the south.

The 3 year old’s mom was explaining that during the swimsuit competition it’s very important to have a tan. Her words, “since she’s bi-racial, she needs more color in her skin than she has.” So you know what she did??? She laid her kid out in the sun to TAN! For real! A TAN! Like the kind 99% of us moms avoid and slather our baby childs with 1300SPF! For God’s sake woman, have you not heard of skin cancer???

The 2 year old’s mom was glamming up her 2 year old with full make up. Eye lashes, liner, lipstick. The works. The dad says, “it’s a little weird to see my baby all looking like a 16 year old.” Ya Think?? Then the mom says, “I’m worried about the Natural portion of the pageant. This pageant has a segment where flippers (false teeth) and makeup are not allowed. It might be strange to not have her wearing makeup.”

OH MY GOD! She’s 2!! AYFKM?? She should be au natural. She has nothing to hide or emphasize yet because SHE’S A BABY!

Next thing you know they’ll be saying, ‘oh it’s so weird for her to be in the swimsuit competition and not wear her chicken cutlets in her bikini top. Seeing her without cleavage is just odd.’

This is totally normal. She's already 18months old. (taken from astrick-playground.com)

Of course! The Julia Roberts hooker costume. Perfect. (from xfinity.comcast.net)

My other gripe today is ParaGard. The new copper IUD that is being advertised on all the chick networks. I keep seeing this commercial while Emma is watching Toddlers and Tiaras which is sort of causing me to have angina and I should just stop.

Anywho- this form of birth control of course has a disclaimer. Sure. Of course. When it says, ‘in cases where the implant becomes attached or pokes through the uterine wall, other problems may occur.” Well no shit.

Charmin Commercials:

The ones with the bears. When the bear comes out of the bathroom, yes bathroom, not the woods, and has paper crumbs on its backside. ‘NO one likes toilet paper pieces left behind” blah blah blah. “It won’t pass inspection with mom…” Hmmmm, I don’t check my kids ass for wipe control! Usually they share plenty with me. Subjecting them to wipe inspection isn’t something in my parenting. Maybe when you’re a bear though…

I’m not alone in my AYFKM? gripe with this one. When I googled Charmin commercials- there were a dozen other bloggers and Youtube videos expressing the weirdness of their slogan, “everyone goes, but those that go with Charmin, enjoy the go”. Oh dear God. Bring back Mr. Wipple.

Enjoy the Go

ParaGard risks

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  1. I am always astonished to see how many of my friends use tanning salons, and allow their kids to as well. Toddlers in Tiaras makes me sick to my stomach. I hear you on the Charmin commercial too. Have you seen the Gain “Good’er” campaign? I emailed them about how horrible it is to campaign with bad grammar and they responded that “Gooder is what we feel our customers say when they use our product.” Really? Bears with paper stuck to their asses; GOODER campaigns – WHO makes these commercials up?

    I had my own AYFKM moment yesterday when I saw the new Fridging trend in Glamour magazine. FRIDGING? Seriously?

  2. You’re right, Fridging! That is seriously AYFKM. I didn’t click on the link. I’m going to now though. My fridge is so full of crap and left overs that I wouldn’t fit in it!

  3. Great observations! I’m lovin’ “baby childs.” That is awesome! A child in a beauty pageant is disturbing, really. Cute kid contest – okay. But the 3 yr old prostitute look – very sad.

  4. Next up, Toddlers on RuPaul. Omg….could you imagine? I don’t even have cable, I never have, but when I heard about this show I was like, AYFKM?! It has to be a form of child abuse. I wore sweat pants pretty much every day in high school, obviously I’m no pageant girl, so I really would love to know what feeling these girls get when they participate and why must they start so young? Of course, the younger you start, the better but can we keep it age appropriate please? Geez. My mom always told me that if I ever called CPS (of course i never would), she’d kill me. I wonder what these mothers would say….

  5. I have never been able to watch that show, those pictures you posted are enough for me! Good lord! (of course, this is coming from a girl who grew up with five brothers and spent most of her days wearing toughskins, plaid shirts and climbing trees…)

    • Toughskins!! Love those. I was always dressed so ‘sensibly’ as a child, translation- hand me downs and plain clothes that could match each other. I probably would have LOVED to be all glammed (minus the hooker out fit and fake teeth) up like that at some time in my youth. But there’s just such a desire to push children out there these days to fulfill their parents narcissism. It’s so sad!

      • You never had a pretty dress? Age appropriate?

        • Yes mom. I was a poor deprived child. sensible brown shoes and hand me downs from 8 years prior. It wasn’t until my middle school/high school years I actually got ‘pretty’ clothes. No offense. Okay, fine. You sewed me pretty things. Whatever.

  6. It’s so important we have more beauty pageants. It’s not like we need to save the polar bears or cure cancer….. (insert eye roll)

  7. Totally with you on the Toddlers and Tiaras. Couldn’t resist writing a post about Honey Boo Boo Child myself! But subjecting a child that young to sun-tanning? Momma’s going to be forced to use all her pageant earnings on skin treatments! I hate the Quilted Northern commercials about “keeping your hands clean” more than the Charmin ones. It’s like a weird expose’ about bathroom mechanics. yikes. Good blog post!

  8. The bear commercials have always made me think of the phrase “does a bear sh*t in the woods?” I guess the answer is yes, and apparently they use Charmin. The one with the paper pieces makes me nauseous…I was happy if the undies weren’t gross, I sure wasn’t looking for spare paper.

  9. I want to see the moms who AREN’T just passive abusers. There must be SOME pageant mothers who are normal, right? I mean not all the moms who want to dress their 4 year olds up like transvestites in a drag show are totally awful, right? Ok. Forget it. I answered my own question.

  10. i myself always like my 3 yr old girls to look like hos…it’s sexier that way ewwww. re The TMI the 32 means ur thin (a good thing) the B is perfect…but i think you know that. ahm sure u fine girrrl. 🙂 continue…

  11. Those pictures of the toddlers are downright creepy. I spend part of my workday teaching music to preschoolers and they have the worst time just trying to sit in a circle for 20 minutes, never mind go suntanning and wear more makeup than I do. A huge WTF.

    PS- I just love your writing style!

  12. Ok, so I totally agree with you about toddlers n tiaras, dumb show. Dumber parents. I would like to put my daughter in a beauty pageant but a simple one with like a talent, n a really cute dress competition. I think it’d b cute. But that show along with dance moms make me sick. But come on the Charmin commercial? I think its kind of cute really. If you wanna pitch a Bitch. Complain to Disney for putting cursing in their movies. Walt would’ve never approved of that. No offense to anyone jus stating opinion.