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Dear friends, please come to my Period Party- or not.


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I couldn’t believe when Emma told me that there are things called Period Parties. So I Googled it, and yes- there are Period Parties.

WTF?

I guess they’re called Menarche Parties. Menarche is the first period of a girl according to ancient Greece- or Wikipedia, whatever.

First there were potty parties for potty training, now there’s period parties. Oy vey. Why not? The Jewish throw parties for the foreskin and women throw parties for their boob jobs too. You can throw a party for anything really, and lately parents have been doing just this. (But let’s not okay?)

I’m not the only one to blog about this, I know. But my readers are a little bit like me, and if you’ve been living under a rock, you’re going to want to know what to do for your daughter that crosses that threshold to womanhood.

Here’s my advice- don’t waste your money on Tampon Basketball as a game if you’re going to throw one of these parties. This was a game suggested on one of the parenting websites for fun activities to do during a Period Party. Another item of advice they included, “probably don’t invite boys- this could be embarrassing.”  Well, no shit, Sherlock.

Back to Tampon Basketball- I’m sorry, but Tampax doesn’t come cheap and providing several boxes for half a dozen 12 and 13 year olds to toss in a can or bucket and see who gets the most in, isn’t my idea of how I want to spend my money.

I won’t be ordering a red velvet cake either with frosting inscribed to read, ‘Happy Menarche Emma” (Menarche- pronounced like Malarkey)

Hmm, what else? I won’t be sending out invitations to her intimate group of girl friends. Honestly, they are nice girls, but how am I going to be guaranteed that they won’t laugh in my daughter’s face when Emma hands them the red embossed envelope that reads, “From Girlhood, to Womanhood, Come to My Period Party.”

We won’t spend the afternoon making crafts with red paint and sequins, or drinking raspberry leaf tea with fancy tampon tea bags. Edward Cullen anyone?

If people want to throw these crimson tide parties for their daughter- yay. Good for you. If your daughter WANTS this.

Mine however, does not. She doesn’t want to macrame tampon strings. She won’t play pin the ovaries on the fallopian tubes.

What I will be doing for her instead-

  • Bringing her some ibuprofen
  • Heating up the rice pack in the microwave
  • Buying her favorite Ben & Jerry’s
  • Letting her watch countless episodes of Glee or Castle
  • Making sure she has plenty of black leggings and dark jeans to wear (this is probably the most important lesson of all!)
  • Having a proper supply of the appropriate hygiene items
  • A bottle of wine for myself

 

What you should be doing for your daughter with or without a Menarche party-

Letting  her feel comfortable to come to you with any question regarding her privates.

Help her to feel that menses, despite it being a bitch (I’m sorry, I refuse to celebrate what a fucking pain it is), it’s something all of us females have to go through and there’s no shame in it.

It’s a mother fucker, but it’s part of life and there’s no shame, no shame at all.

Happy period sweetie.

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. oh my god. That is the most horrifying thing I’ve heard! I shouldn’t be surprised really, should I. But still, are people insane? Now, I would have a period party for myself, because then I could horrify EVEN MORE people with wild tales about the DIVA CUP. Mwah ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  2. Oh! Oh! And we could have snacks all based on MELTED CHEESE! Hooray! Or is that a PMS party….damn. I haven’t thought this through.

  3. Love the list of things you WILL be doing with her. Mine includes all of those as well as trying very hard not to laugh as she alternately bursts into tears, bursts into maniacal laughter, bursts into a fit of anger and just giving her a thousand extra hugs a day as she wails “Mom?!??!?! What the heck is going on with me???” Poor baby, but it has given us something else to bond over.

  4. Ooops. Well, when you get that red envelope in the mail from me, you
    can just toss it in the trash. 😉

  5. On The Cosby Show: Claire Huxtable threw a period party for Rudy…it blew my mind then and continues to. When I just looked it up I found that Urban Dictionary has a drink called the Rudy Huxtable to celebrate mensies…
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rudy%20Cosby&defid=2329788 – Cheers!

  6. mamatone says:

    Well said with humor and panache once again Frug! 🙂

  7. Christopher Tipper says:

    Sis

    Wait, you mean us guys have been missing out on our first nocturnal emissions parties? WTF?

    Bro

  8. This is reason #8928748 why I only want boys.

  9. Too funny!! Made me laugh, actually about choked drinking my iced caramel coffee….ROFL

  10. Good LORD. No way, no how would I throw a period party for my daughter. Really, I just find this whole idea GROSS. But still, dying laughing at your post about it!!!

    I like YOUR list and that’s what I’ll be doing too!

  11. Well, darn I messed this tender moment all up. We were camping in a large lodge type structure with 4 other moms and their kids – 4 of which were teenage boys. My daughter got her period while we were cleaning up for checkout. We barricaded ourselves in the one of two bathrooms (for 19 people) as I tried to ask the moms if they had any products outside of the earshot of the aforementioned teenage boys. We got straightened up (bonus- our car got packed for us), Buttercup threw on a swimsuit with shorts, and we went kayaking and hiking. We partied like Bear Grylls. Ellen

  12. I would not have wanted one of these parties! My mom handed me the giant pack of mattress-sized maxi pads (“Tampons will make you sick, dear,” she said) and then called my aunt and my nana. I would not play tampon basketball, but I wouldn’t have minded a cake- without the embarrassing inscription, of course!

  13. Good Lawd Almighty! My daughter would die a thousand deaths! We’ll just be sticking with birthday parties, thankyouverymuch.

  14. And this is why God saw fit to make me a boy-mom. I would freaking LOSE IT at the idea. What a crock. And I can’t even imagine the craft ideas on pinterest for a party like this. (Oh wait, I can. Eye bleach please.)

    Just…. no. Please.

  15. Red velvet cake? Seriously? This is completely disgusting.

  16. The reason for these parties is to get the girls to cycle together or to prompt girls to start their periods by being around girls who already have. Personally I could have gone about thirty years without my period.

  17. Nailed it. Pinning this to my “Parenting” and “VAGINA” Pinterest boards. (Two separate boards…I don’t have a “Parenting Vaginas” board…yet.)

  18. That sounds like something that would have horrified me when I was 13. Though a menopause party would sure be cause for celebration–me and a bottle of wine and a million hallelujahs.

  19. No….just no.
    Also Nocturnal Emissions Party comment FTW

  20. WTF? I can’t even believe this is for real. I can’t believe any teenage girl would want this. People are definitely just…crazy.

  21. Love the list of things to do with our daughter! I liek the idea of having a Period Party – for myself. Every month. With a very short list of invites. Me, red wine, MooseTracks ice cream and an Us Weekly. Done.

  22. Oh my, I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry. I guess both. My girls still have a few years before I need to plan, or not plan, their period parties. I guess I should start stock piling the Ben & Jerry’s just to be on the safe side! GAH!

  23. OMG! What are these parents THINKING!?! I would have just DIED if my Mom had thrown a Period Party for me! I am horrified over reading what some parents think is good reason to throw a party. In all honesty, I am perfectly capable of embarrassing the snot out of my boys without resorting to celebrating every step of their personal development. (Although, the Nocturnal Emissions party idea was a riot! With one son knee deep in puberty, the second starting to wade in and the third finally totally toilet trained I needed the laugh.)

  24. Courtney says:

    I had a best friend growing up that was my sister’s age (2 years older than me). We were all best friends in fact…well, when I was 11 I got my period, my sister got hers around 10/11…and our friend still hadn’t had hers (probably because she was grossly underweight…just an awesome genetic default! bitch!!!) anywho…so when she finally got her period when she was 14, we threw her (as a joke of course!!!!) a period party…it was our way of saying “now you finally understand why we are bitchy, crampy and get cravings for chocolate…enjoy it bitch!” :p we had all red foods, played songs like red, red wine…it was the cheesiest and most embarrasing thing…she loved it! but like i said, we did it as a total joke (we were the only 3 in attendance) to actually make her feel more comfortable about talking about it…and now experiencing the pain in the ass that we call menses!

  25. Instead of trying to have my own opinions on subjects from now on I will just send people to you to see what I think. We are always on the same page. Seriously? Period parties? Seriously?