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Next stop- Glad Town. It’s time to leave this pity train at the station.

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I’ve been saying this a lot lately- life is hard, yo. And people tell me, ‘it’s what you make of it’; ‘it will get better’; or ‘it’s how you perceive it’, or something like that. Well, sure. I’m usually a glass half full type of person, so I do work on being happy. BUT….

sometimes- it’s hard. Yo.

I’ve been wallowing in self-pity and misery lately. Not all day, not every day. But sometimes. It can be triggered by something small like a glimpse of my muffin top in a picture on Facebook and I’m like, “Really? I looked like that? Ugh.” Or maybe Emma is being a 13 year old pill. A sassy, cranky, hormonal pill that I want to give her back a dose of her own medicine in the form of my own cranky, hormonal 40 year old pill-self.  Or it might be a big thing, like my parents and the real life troubles they face as they age, care for my sister, and go through health problems of their own.

So yeah.

I’ve been ultra critical of myself lately too. Nitpicking over ever little pore, wrinkle, and gray hair. It sounds so stupid to admit. There’s people who are scarred and disfigured that have better self-love than I do lately. What is my problem?

Compliments are nice, they are. I like hearing them. It beats an insult, that’s for sure. But they sort of go in one ear and out the other.

Someone can tell me I look nice, and the next thing I am doing is focusing on how flabby my arms look.

You would think that I would be motivated to go work out. Do something about it. But no. Instead, I just curl up with the dog, get on the internet and buy myself something I hope will make me feel better.

What does that say about me? It says, I’m pitiful, and I need to stop.

Once in awhile, a woman will go buy a pair of shoes or a lipstick to boost her mood. They don’t call it retail therapy for nothing. I believe in the power of retail therapy. I do. But be careful. How many retail therapies are you taking, and should you be seeing an actual therapist?

Retail therapy at the cost of the family’s budget isn’t okay. Not paying the life insurance premium because you went and got some stuff at Sephora, then feel guilty about it, so you avoid the bills altogether, is wrong.Trust me, I know this from experience.

It’s poor therapy management, I say.

So back to me and my pitiful self.

I’m working on finding the silver linings. The half full glasses. I usually do. I’m pretty much a Pollyanna.

But Pollyanna was what? 12? I’m 40 and  I can see why the aged get cynical. I’m going to be a crusty old biddy sitting in my support hose and dentures if I let myself carry on like this. Shaking my head at the news and saying phrases like, ‘kids these days’. Folks will pass me on a park bench whispering to their friend, “Remember Frugie, she was so cheerful and positive, what happened?”

So I need to stay young at heart.

In the movie Pollyanna, they renamed the town she was in, ‘The Glad Town’. Right? She broke her legs falling out of a tree and is still smiling. So yeah. What do I have to complain about, for gosh sakes?

I need some Pollyanna lately. And I need to not look for it at Sephora, Nordstroms or Target. I need to find it in me.

Life IS hard yo. But I’m going to try and not let it get me down.

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  1. sandy tabick says:

    As I read your words that ‘life is hard’ you’re so right, for so many it is just that ‘hard’…when I read the posts that say life is what you make it, blah blah blah…yes it is, but it is so much more, its what everyone else around you is making it as well, and mostly its terrific, but lots of times for so many its just plain hard, difficult, heartbreaking, etc…..there are just some situations that where the platitudes don’t work….and thats as simple as it is ….
    I loved Pollyanna’s Glad game….and I use it as a measuring stick….. its not a bad way to reason things out….
    But, you’re so right there are just times, instances, occurances that nothing fits….and ‘life is just hard’
    You’re a great gal Magee…..xxxx

  2. I really feel ya. Life is hard (yo) and sometimes it gets us down. But then we see people in much worse shape and somehow they seem to be handling it better than we are. Then the guilt sets in and self-loathing takes hold again. Nasty cycle. But we have to allow ourselves a few bad days and a little pity party. It’s ok. But, like you said, after a bit it’s good to say enough and try to shake it off–like a dog coming in out of the rain.

    Pollyanna will be back … Probably about the time Aunt Flo packs her bags.

  3. I have days like this too. I’m turning 34 in a couple months and it’s just starting to hit me that my new “dimple” on my left cheek (I’ve always wanted dimples! Yay!) is here to stay. It literally APPEARED one morning, as if by magic, and I thought, “damn my skin is super-dry today” and promptly slathered a bunch of lotion on the spot, so that later in the day I had several new zits in addition to the wrinkle. I can handle wrinkles. Maybe zits can be controlled and I can deal with them. But both together??? WTF. Oh and just ate all my kids’ leftover mac-n-cheese, so I’m feeling like a giant cow right now. Isn’t it nice how we love ourselves? 😉 But seriously… strap on a pair of running shoes and go out for a light jog, then come back and do some good stretches. It will do wonders to change your mood around! Even though you don’t want to, even though you can’t make yourself care – just DO IT ANYWAY. You’ll be so glad you did! xoxo

  4. It’s not silly to admit that you feel sad or frustrated or just BLAH some days. I think it’s courageous and when women are honest about how they feel about motherhood, aging, hormones, etc., we’re wrapping our arms around every other woman in a hug that says you are not alone. So, kudos to you for writing this 🙂