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Housework while naked


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Recently I told readers on my Facebook page that I clean the shower while I’m taking a shower. I thought that was a weird trait of mine.

Over 50 people commented to say they do the very same thing! So either you guys are just as weird as me, or the Good Housewife’s Manual forgot to write a chapter on naked housework.

Here I thought I was so extraordinary, so special, to be the kind of person that takes my cleaning products into the shower with me. But no! Apparently, it’s a THING.

Sure that’s just a small sampling of people. But just think, I bet there’s thousands of us women, taking in our scrub brushes, grout toothbrushes, Scrubbing Bubbles, Magic Erasers, into the shower with us. Our spouses should be so jealous of that hunky Mr. Clean.

I even learned a few cleaning tricks to help improve my cleaning experience. Fill a spray bottle with Dawn mixed with water and it works better than the bleachy fumy stuff. I will try this.

If you’ve read about my shower escapades in the past (such as this post here) , I’m not a fan of sexy shower time. It’s dangerous, someone could get hurt, and it’s just NOT sexy if you ask me. Not in my tiny, grimy shower stall anyway.

Back to cleaning in the shower.

I’m sure it’s not pretty to see me hunched down with a raggedy old tooth brush trying to get the black moldy crud out of the door track with my conditioning hair mask  on my head and my cucumber exfoliating mask on my face and I’m naked. No special sexy lighting here. Just, well, yeah…

This lead me to wonder what other chores I could/should do naked. And the list was short. Very short. Like, this was the ONLY chore I will ever do naked. Here’s a list of chores I will NEVER do naked:

Frying Bacon. Do I even need to explain this one? I get grease splatters on my arm and midsection enough when frying ANYTHING so I will not be exposing my tender nethers to this task.

Cleaning the oven. We all know the dangers and horror stories of cleaning an oven and how housewives have been found asphyxiated by the fumes of oven cleaner. Can you imagine cleaning your oven naked only for the first responders to come to your house and you’re sprawled out naked? Ew.

Boiling noodles. I’m terrified of spilling boiling water on myself, pets, or kids. I’ve heard terrible stories of children burned from a mom carrying a boiling pot of noodles to the sink to strain and the child getting under foot and then having to be airlifted due to their injuries. Yes, I’m dramatic and have a vivid imagination.

Washing windows. I plan on not giving any voyeurs in my neighborhood more than an eyeful, so yeah. No explanation needed there.

Folding laundry. This just in: I asked Emma what chores I shouldn’t do naked. She came up with folding laundry because she says she doesn’t want me to fold her shirts against my naked chest. My boobs are germ free, I’m not sure what her problem is. Oh well.

Bathing the cat. The cat doesn’t enjoy getting washed. Der. So I would risk a nip slice from his Wolverine-like claws. We don’t want that.

Cleaning the gutters. I can’t imagine a more disgusting job, let alone doing it naked there has to be risk of catching some sort of venereal disease. I don’t know if venereal disease harbors in gutter muck, but I’m not taking any chances.

So there you go. McSweetie is already disappointed that I have made it clear there will not be any more chores naked.

I can only do so much folks.

I’m off to go scoop a cat box. Clothed!!

 

 

 

Bigfoot, PosTvac- which is which?

One is a mythical giant, furry, erect primate. One is just an erect primate. Can’t figure out which is which?

First, I find it funny that all these scientists on the History Channel continue to hunt Bigfoot. If he was real, wouldn’t we have seen him by now? But Chupacabras those are real.  I’m certain. There’s hours and hours of footage of people searching Bigfoot. I like the History Channel. It has all those programs on Jesus and Pearl Harbor, and shows about Hitler and the Shroud of Turin. I put a great deal of respect into the History Channel. They need to have shows on Bigfoot on the Syfy Channel, along with ones on UFOs and crop circles. The History Channel is like school. It shouldn’t be for mythical creatures. What’s next- unicorns? I know, I know. How can I not believe in Bigfoot? I’m disappointing The Bloggess for sure.

PosTvac. Let’s just say, PosT-ridonkulus. Here’s the commercial:

Are you shitting me? Medicare and major insurance companies pay for this!

I didn’t expect to see a black dude in this commercial.

What’s with all the slow dancing in the kitchen and spinning your lady on a tire swing?

Quote from the one weird guy with a mustache- “If you have a brain in your head, then call this 800 number.”

Quote from other weird guy with a mustache- oh, wait, same guy, “why leave the best thing in life, out of your life”.

Let me just make a point here-

I have no problem with men needing to seek solutions for their erectile dysfunction. I think everyone should have such a happy, fulfilling sex life.

BUT WHY IN HEAVEN’S NAME DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT THE PENIS? and yes, I’M YELLING!

I just feel a little left out. That’s all.