I don’t know about you, but the holidays can suck the living poo out of me. The final few days leading up to Christmas Eve are exhausting. If you’ve ever had to build a Playmobil Pirate Ship of 1200 pieces, your sanity will be tested. So will your sobriety. Waiting until those kids are asleep can’t come fast enough on the eve of baby Jesus’ birth.

You slip Benadryl in to their cocoa and tiptoe into the gift hiding area, do the gift thing, stockings, drink the milk, take a few bites of cookie to prove to the kids all that Santa jazz, then crawl into bed to have your youngest be up in your nose by 5 am anxious to peek under the tree.

The next 16 hours will be a blur of gift wrap, those plastic carton things that cut like a shiv, the zip ties that require hedge trimmers to open…the cooking, the drinking, the coping with family. At about 9 pm you can barely keep your eyes open. If the hubs comes anywhere near to your vicinity, you want to cut a bitch. So here’s my solution-

Think of this as my living Christmas card. From me to you.

Follow